Anchor
by SomeoneIUsedToKnow
Summary: When the innocence and ignorance of youth is gone, one tends to see what is important. Usually, it is right in front of ones face. A look into the complex and complicated relationship that is Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Funny how much one could appreciate chaos when deprived from it. Sirius watched the Weasley's move in. It was loud, things were knocked over, portraits were screaming, and Kreacher sulked, muttering beneath his breath. But Sirius was smiling.

Smiling because this was the first time in forever that the monotony of life on the run brought him was broken. Molly harped at the twins, seems they never put down their wands. Arthur was fascinated by the artifacts that he found in all corners of the house.

"Oh, dear! Now, this is unusual!"

Sirius poured himself a drink, watching Remus show Ginny and Hermione to their room. They were giggling about some boy at school, Remus ignored them. Whether it be from the decency of not eavesdropping or simply not giving a damn who was dating who.

The girls shared a room at the very top stairs, almost the attic. The rest of the inhabitants were all piled into the few but lavish rooms. It left the old friends with Sirius' old bedroom.

"It's not much, but it will do." Sirius said when Remus returned from helping the girls situate. The werewolf smiled, grateful. "Anything is good, Sirius. Stop being modest."

Things were busy throughout the afternoon; it was difficult to feed a group so large. By night, Molly herded them to bed.

"You should get some more rest too." She scolded him. Her eyes drifted down his body, shaking her head, displeased. He was looking hundreds of times better then before. His body was filled out to the strong frame that it used to be. His hair was still long but it wasn't limp and matted anymore.

He ignored her, opting to explore his house again. He grew up here but it was so different. This couldn't be the same house. It was darker, scarier. Everything seemed determined to drive away visitors.

In the drawing room, he found his family tree. Everyone was there except two people.

He narrowed his eyes.

Him and his uncle.

His mother was such a bitch. A rotten, cold, dead bitch.

Sirius turned on his heel and stormed upstairs. Remus was in the room, sitting on the bed. He was half dressed, clad in only his pants.

Sirius tried hard not to look. He hated Remus' body.

"It's a small bed." Remus said, absentmindedly. Like he really didn't care.

Sirius nodded, changing into a pair of soft pants. "I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all."

It was small indeed. Still, Remus and Sirius put quite a bit of distance between themselves, letting an extra quilt pile up between them.

Morning came and Sirius awoke alone. He went to kitchen to find everyone still asleep. The sun was just now rising.

Remus had made himself a cup of coffee, leaving the pot for anyone else who wanted some. The raven haired man poured himself a mug and sat at the table.

Everything had changed since he last sat here.

He was no longer a reckless teenager. He no longer thought the world was just for the taking.

He was grown now, victimized by the world he walked headfirst into.

Sirius didn't move much throughout the day. It was easy to sit where he was and watch the people around him live. He fussed with Kreacher and entertained Ginny through supper with stories of his youth, but not much more.

Remus didn't come home that night, Dumbledore sent him off on some work for the Order.

"When will he return?" he asked the headmaster.

Dumbledore smiled, softly. Too understanding. "Maybe in a day or two."

Too long.

Molly was pestering him. Arthur was badgering him with his questions. The twins wreaked havoc wherever they went. Ron was busy just being awkward. And the girls giggled on and on and on and on.

Remus didn't nag or ask too much. He didn't knock things over or create uncomfortable silences. And most defiantly didn't giggle.

He was just Remus. Calm, sturdy. Like an anchor on a stormy night at sea or gentle voice saying it would be okay.

James could have been like that, but he was too like Sirius. Too willing to explore and find adventure. Remus was never for all that. He never reprimanded but he never encouraged. He just stood there waiting to catch them as they fell.

Sirius felt like he was falling again. By day two, he spoke less. Ate less. Moved less.

Finally, Remus came home. He was worn and tired. His skin was pale but his cheeks were rosy from the wind. He closed and locked the heavy front door, running a thin hand through his greying hair.

"Remus!" came a whisper from the top of the stairs.

He looked up, finding Sirius, smiling for the first time in a while.

The werewolf gave an apologetic smile. "I didn't wake you, did I?" It was the dead of the night, no one was awake.

"No, I couldn't sleep."

Remus untied his traveling coat. He was thinner then he had ever been before, almost like a rail.

"Are you hungry? Molly made stew."

He accepted, allowing Sirius to prepare him a bowl while he put his things down.

When they were young, Remus would do this for him when he returned from a mission. Now, the tables had turned.

"Thank you," was Remus' soft voice as he took the bowl from his friend.

"My pleasure."

He told Sirius of his mission. He spent the past two nights sleeping in the werewolf tunnels with his kind. He listened to Fenir Greyback preach about how it was their time. Time to bring the human world to it's knees.

"He's mad." Sirius assured him.

"Yes, he is. But he has a lot of power. A lot of followers." Remus drained his bowl. It must have been awhile since he had eaten.

They went to bed, unconsciously building the small wall between them once more with the blanket.

Sirius didn't go straight to sleep. He lay there, listening. Remus snored lightly, deep in his sleep. He could hear Kreacher creeping around in the halls. He sometimes still heard them. The screams of people going insane in Azkaban. He had been out for almost two years but it still haunted him.

The chaos of a large family didn't dull as time passed. Harry moved in, brightening Sirius' mood substantially. That boy was like a light in his world.

He was so like James it was scary, valiant, willing to save anyone. He didn't look at rules as limits, instead he saw them as obstacles.

"That's not really a good thing." Remus laughed, when Sirius brought this up as they ate a breakfast of tea and toast.

Sirius grinned. "It's a great thing! James wouldn't have wanted some little stiff afraid of a little detention as a son."

Remus took a small bite of toast, chewing on his right side. His jaw was bruised on the left, a token from Greyback. Apparently, he had caught Remus denouncing his plan for a revolt.

"Harry is just as headstrong as James, but I can see Lily there too. More then in his eyes."

He smiled as he spoke, giving light to his worn face. Sirius stared for a moment. It as odd how handsome a simple smile could make him.

"Yeah. Yeah he is."

That night, alone again, he questioned things. He questioned why he was in the house. Why Remus was forced to stay with such monsters. Why Harry had seen so much pain. And of course, he questioned why he seemed to need Remus there.

He was a grown man, not a child. He was capable of finding things to keep him occupied. But it was obvious, without the thin brunette, he found little to smile about.

Remus was gone for a whole week this time, leaving Sirius in a very bitter mood. He sat in the drawing room, staring drunkenly at the tapestry when he found him.

"Why are you in the dark?" came the soft voice.

Sirius simply shrugged. His eyes were locked on the burn that was once his name. Remus crossed the room, limping slightly. He knelt beside his friend's chair.

"This is your family tree?"

Sirius sneered. "Not mine. Not anymore. Don't you see it, Moony?" he pointed to where he was blasted off.

Remus blanched. He didn't understand hatred among a family, he was loved by his. "Oh. Sirius, I'm sorry-"

He was cut off with a bark like laugh. Sirius had a sadistic smile. "Don't be! I am not a Black! I am not worthy!" he leapt from his seat, the shots of firewhiskey he had after supper getting to him.

He seized a strange artifact, he didn't know what it was, and hurled it at the tapestry. It broke into dozens of pieces. He grabbed another and made to throw it when Remus grasped his arm.

"No! Sirius, don't!"

He tried to pull his arm down but Sirius was quick. He whirled around and shoved Remus back against the wall, forcing a grunt from him. He sealed his body to the wall with his own and held Remus' arms above his head.

They were frozen. Two men, closer then they should be, one holding the other against the wall.

Sirius drank in Remus. He was wounded. His lip was busted and there was a cut across his nose and above his eye. He must have made Greyback angry with him again. Remus wasn't moving, wasn't breathing. He stared at Sirius as hard as he stared at him.

Finally, Sirius spoke. "I could break you, you know?"

Remus nodded, slowly, fearful. It was true. Sirius was getting more and more healthy. He tall, strong, and muscular again. Remus was thin, weak, and sick.

"But I won't." Sirius let Remus' hands fall to his sides. He put his palms against the wall, encasing the man. "Are you afraid?"

Another nod.

"Why? Remus, I would never hurt you."

"I know."

It was a lie. But Remus never lied. Sirius let his head fall forward, landing on the bony shoulder.

"You're drunk." Remus said. Not accusing, just stating. He either smelled it or noted the behavior.

Sirius gave a weak nod.

"C'mon, let's get you upstairs."

It was so like Remus. Putting aside that he was in pain and hungry to help Sirius up the stairs to his old bedroom. He laid him down in the bed, pulling his jumper off. Sirius let him take care of him, making up for the week he was absent.

When Sirius was clad in just his pants and tucked in, Remus laid down next to him, exhausted. He didn't bother undressing; maybe he didn't have the energy. But tonight, neither of them built the small fortress of blanket. Tonight, Remus and Sirius lay closer to each other then they ever have.

Tonight, Remus' arm was thrown across Sirius' chest.

_Please Review! :)_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was rare for Remus to be there when he woke up. Sirius opened his eyes, yawning deeply. The pale arm was still tossed across his body, but now Remus' head was resting on his shoulder.

He didn't want to move; Remus got so little rest nowadays, but his stomach was growling. He remembered that Remus didn't eat the night before so he crawled out of bed, careful not to wake him, and went down stairs.

Kreacher was in the kitchen but he scurried out as soon as Sirius stepped in, probably smuggling something out. Usually it would result in an argument but today he let him go. Wasn't worth it now. He prepared some eggs, sausage, toast, and tea and carried it up the stairs to the bedroom.

The portraits were still asleep, snoring loudly. He could hear them talking in their sleep. Apparently, they were dreaming of some muggle massacre. Sirius' jaw set. He hated this place so much.

Remus was awake when he got into the bedroom, but he was groggy. He rubbed his eyes and groaned.

"Good morning, Moony."

"Good morning, Padfoot."

His voice was so weak, so tired. This wasn't right. Sirius set the platter on the bedside table and pressed the back of his hand to Remus' forehead. Warm. He knew what this meant. It wasn't a fever. Tonight was going to be a full moon.

"Have you been taking your potion?"

Remus nodded, burrowing deep into the blankets. Like this, it was hard to believe he was a grown man. He was so tiny that he seemed like a child. He was tall like a man, but everything was starved.

He brightened up when he noticed the food, thanking Sirius multiple times.

"It's really good. Thank you."

"No need to thank me." Sirius smiled back.

When they were done, Remus fell back asleep. He would need his rest for the next few days.

When they were young, this would be a time of planning. Planning the next new adventure. Now, Remus would be forced to curl up in some forest, waiting for the moon to wane. Sirius often asked if he could accompany his old friend, make the full moon bearable like he used to. But, as always, Dumbledore told him no.

Remus left at about seven that night, just as the sun was starting to set. Sirius insisted he eat. He knew it would make Remus sick to his stomach but it would prevent him from attack some small animal.

That night, Sirius' dreams were filled with howls.

It continued for two more nights. Remus would come home during the day, climb into bed, and sleep until night fell again. Finally, the full moon was over. Remus came home about six that morning, greeted at the door by Sirius. He was weak, hanging on to the wall.

"Did anything happen?" Sirius asked, supporting him.

"No, nothing." Remus shook his head. He made to take a step, but fell forward.

Sirius caught him, lowering him gently to the floor. "It's okay. It's okay. I've got you."

Remus was shaking. He didn't seem very aware of what was happening. Sirius cursed his affliction.

"C'mon. Let's get you upstairs." He slid his arms beneath his shoulders and knees and heaved. It was disturbing how light he was, more like a boy then a man.

As Sirius carried him up the stairs he saw Ron and Molly in the hallway. He must have went wandering and been met by his mother.

Sirius ignored them, they weren't as important as the one in his arms. He walked past their questioning, worried gazes and laid Remus down in his bed. The man rolled onto his side and curled into a ball. He wrapped his arms around his legs.

It was a terrible thing to see. He was so weak and frail looking.

"Are you cold?"

His answer was a small nod. Sirius wrapped a blanket around him, tucking it around his shoulders.

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"No, I'm just going to sleep. C-can…."

"Can what?" Sirius brushed the soft brown hair out of his eyes.

"Can you stay with me?"

Not an unusual request. Remus never liked being alone after the final moon; it was always the worse. Often James would stay with him, always wanting to take care of Remus.

Now, it was Sirius' turn.

He spent the whole morning lying beside him. Not sleeping. Not touching. Just waiting. It was past noon when Remus finally awoke.

He trudged out of bed and went straight to the kitchen in search of something to eat. Molly had made enough food for an army so she practically forced seconds and thirds down his throat.

He accepted, graciously as always. No doubt she was reacting to seeing him so weak he couldn't even walk on his own.

"She seems to have really taken to you." Sirius said once she finally left to go rally together her kids.

Remus nodded, pushing his empty plate away. "She is a sweetheart."

"She doesn't like me very much."

"I feel you two are too much alike. Too stubborn."

"Maybe. I am starting to take to her more now that I've found a way to get some fresh air and get my nerves down."

Remus' eyes narrowed. "Fresh air? Sirius, please tell me you haven't been leaving."

Sirius laughed. "No, no. Here, come see."

He led him up the stairs, by the girls room, to a small trap door in the ceiling. He reached up and pulled the hatch, letting sunlight flow in.

"After you, Mr. Moony."

"Why thank you, Mr. Padfoot."

Remus pulled himself up through the opening and Sirius followed. They were on the roof, all of London extending out for miles before them.

"And we are still hidden!" Sirius exclaimed. He breathed in the fresh air, loving the breeze.

Remus grinned as he looked around, happy Sirius had finally found a way to get outside.

"Hopefully this will end your attempts at an excursion."

"Not a chance. This is better then nothing though."

The sun was high, bright. It illuminated Remus in a way that Sirius hadn't seen in awhile. His eyes, such a beautiful amber, glowed a honey yellow. His skin was almost translucent.

He was breathtaking.

Sirius gaped at him, awe struck. How had he never noticed?

Remus caught his gaze and smiled. "What are you looking at?"

"Nothing. Nothing…."

"Really?"

Remus' smile was different now, more amused.

"What?"

The werewolf laughed into his hand and shook his head.

"Don't laugh. What?"

Sirius was genuinely confused now. He knew Remus' laugh to know it something legit.

Remus choked down another chuckle before pointing. Directly at his crotch.

Sirius looked down and sure enough, he was bulging.

Damn. Embarrassment was building but he had to figure out a way to keep it down. He sent Remus a half smile. "You would notice, you poof."

"Oh, you get a hard on here alone with another man. But I'm the poof?"

"That's what I said isn't it?"

Remus looked out at the sun again. God, he was beautiful.

"I don't know," he shifted his eyes Sirius again, "maybe you should say it again."

"You, Remus John Lupin, are a po—OOF!"

Remus rammed all of his body into Sirius, throwing him down onto the hard floor.

"One more time." He demanded. From here, he looked wolfish. His fangs were gleaming as he smiled.

Sirius let another laugh out. "Getting frisky?"

"Maybe I am. What's it to you?"

"I got to know your plans. Don't I?" Sirius flipped them. Remus grunted as the bigger man took control, settling his weight onto his torso.

"Mad-eye would be slightly disappointed in me if I didn't."

Remus squirmed a little, adjusting his body. He was beautiful like this, smiling, illuminated by the sun, held fast beneath him.

Pressure was building in his erection, he hadn't been this hard in so long. He was already so close.

"He would, wouldn't he? CONSTANT VILIGANCE!" Remus' hand shot up, grasping his cock through his pants.

He came instantly, exploding. Sirius leaned forward, biting his lip, and shutting his eyes as he groaned. Sparks were flashing behind is his eyes, a weight that had been building for a long time finally released. It was a big load, having been saved up for so long.

Remus' hand stayed there, massaging the bulge until he was milked dry.

Neither of them moved for awhile. Sirius, who hadn't had an orgasm since before his imprisonment, was physically satisfied. But his mind was alive with worry. He had just cum in Remus' hand. Sure, he was fully dressed, but it obvious what he had done. What now?

He felt Remus' other hand close on his shoulder and opened his eyes. The man was no longer smiling, but he didn't seem disturbed or disgusted. He took his hand off Sirius' groin and put it on his other shoulder, gently, almost with no force, pulling him down. He allowed him to do so, feeling the distance close more and more until they were so close. So close that he couldn't think. He sucked in a breath.

"Maybe, you should go change your pants." Remus said, quietly.

Damn. Sirius swore internally. He nodded and stood, offering a hand to help Remus up.

"No. I'll stay. It's nice out."

Sirius nodded and went back downstairs. Five minutes later, Remus heard the door open again.

"Back so soon?"

"Professor Lupin? Er- Remus?" a tiny, girlish voice piped up.

He looked to see Hermione, bushy hair swaying in the wind.

He sat up, trying to flatten out his ruffled clothes. "Oh, hello, Hermione. Why are you here?"

She blushed and pointed. Remus looked to see a window, pointing directly towards where they were. His heart dropped. She had to have seen.

"Er- look."

"Remus, please. Don't take it personally. He really doesn't mean it."

Remus looked at her, confused. He didn't mean to cum when he grabbed him?  
>"What do you mean?"<p>

Hermione wrapped her arms around herself. "Sirius. He has been cooped up. His nerves are going to get to him. I do not know what he said to make you attack him but he does need you. And he appreciates you."

Remus was so relieved he could have laughed. She simply thought they were fighting.

"Oh, God no. We weren't fighting. Just wrestling."

Hermione raised her eyebrow, "Wrestling?" he couldn't blame her. That seemed like a very unlikely thing for him to do.

"Yes. We forgot our age, I guess. But I assure you that we were not fighting."

She apologized for her interruption and turned to leave. Remus lay there for a little longer before a date with the werewolf tunnels forced him from his comfortable spot.

_All reviews are appreciated!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was a long mission, almost a whole fortnight passed before Remus came home. The days were filled with countless arguing between Molly and Sirius. The twins antics became less and less amusing with each disaster they caused. He had finally managed to silence his mothers portrait when the door opened once more.

Remus hurried in, quickly resealing the door behind him. Sirius greeted him, pleased with his condition. No wounds or bruises this time.

"Is Dumbledore here?" Remus asked. He seemed slightly breathless, like he was rushing.

"In the dining room with Tonks. Is something wrong."

Remus shook his head and mumbled something beneath his breath, pushing past Sirius. "I have to see him."

"Oh, okay."

Sirius distracted his young cousin with some artifacts in the den while Remus stole Dumbledore away to the kitchen. He could vaguely hear their whispers. Remus seemed upset and Dumbledore must have been comforting him.

Sirius pursed his lips. What could he possibly be upset about?  
>Finally, they reemerged. Remus stood slightly behind Dumbledore, looking to the side. It was a throwaway look, obviously hiding something.<p>

"Nymphadora, if you may, could you please tell me more of what the aurors have been up to. Cornilieus hasn't been keeping me updated at all."

Tonks was more then willing. She was young, she liked to talk. The duo disappeared up the stairs, leaving the basement to the men.

"Remus," Sirius started. He was waved off as the thin man collapsed into a chair at the dining table. Remus buried his face in his hands.

"Do you want a drink? Take the edge off?"

That offer was accepted and Sirius poured them both a glass of firewhiskey.

"Thank you."

"No problem. What's wrong?"

Remus took a sip, wincing at the burn. His eyes seemed overly bright.

"I hate those tunnels, Sirius. I hate my kind. What they have become."

Sirius pulled himself a chair our and sat, placing a supporting hand on Remus' shoulder.

"What do you mean?"

"They have given up! Condemned themselves! And worse, they are convinced this is a blessing! Sirius, they are proud to bite children!"

Remus' eyes were welled with tears now. It was all wrong. He never cried. He was always so strong.

Sirius moved his chair and adjusted Remus' so they were facing each other. He took his thin hands in his. "What happened?"

"Greyback. It was him who bit me."

Sirius' eyes widened. Remus had always known that he was bitten when he was five because his father offended someone. But he never knew who.

"How do you know?"

"He bragged about it. Caught me giving clothes to a poor freezing boy. And he laughed saying he should have just killed me when he bit me. That I was an embarrassment to the wolf kind. I asked him how many more he bit, he said hundreds."

When Sirius was young, he convinced himself that Remus' had accepted what he was. So, though he pitied him, he believed that Remus didn't regret much. Now, as he looked at the broken man before him, he felt two, very strong emotions. Rage, he wanted to find Greyback, hurt him, kill him. And he felt concern. Concern for the man he had known since they were eleven. Concern the one person he knew who gave everything though no one gave him anything.

Remus couldn't hold it in anymore. He doubled over, body shaking with sobs. Sirius held him close to his chest, letting him cry. He had earned it. He earned the right to break.

They stayed there, neither moving, neither speaking, as Remus cried into Sirius' chest. He wanted to comfort him but he didn't know what to say. Finally, he felt Remus' tears cease. Sirius stayed put for a bit until he knew he had to say something.

"Moony, it's-"

Just as he turned his head to look at Remus in the eye, Remus must have done the same. Because their lips connected. Both men didn't move, confused. It was a soft kiss, nothing much to it. But it was enough. Remus' lips felt good against his; soft, plump.

When they pulled back, Sirius was looking straight into Remus' eyes, which were still damp and red. Intense grey boring into soft amber.

He was so beautiful.

Sirius knew what he had to do. He downed his drink, and gestured for Remus to do the same. They laid the empty cups on the table and he took Remus' hand, less then half the size of his, and guided him from the dining room. Remus followed, slowly, shaken. He wiped his face dry with his sleeve as they left the basement and when up the stairs. They could hear Dumbledore and Tonks laughing in some unknown room. But it didn't matter. All that mattered was each other.

It was a slow journey to the bedroom, neither taking their eyes off each other. Remus was trusting, allowing Sirius to take him to the bedroom, knowing damn well what two grown thirty-five year olds did with a little bit of sexual tension.

The room was dark as Sirius closed the door behind them, but he had no trouble finding Remus and engulfing him.

That's what it felt like when Sirius kissed him. He was everywhere. Kissing, licking, sucking, grabbing, squeezing.

Remus was shocked by the force but didn't fight it. Those years in Azkaban had done little to stifle Sirius' abilities to leave one stunned, weak at the knees. He felt his old friends arms encircle him, holding him tight. Here, he could feel their heartbeats against each other.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

He closed his eyes. They were in sync.

"Sirius," he moaned as the large man worked his mouth on his neck.

"Yes, Moony?"

"What- what are we doing?" his voice cracked as he gasped. Sirius was licking all over his earlobe.

"I don't know. I don't want it to stop." He pulled back, he could vaguely see Remus in the dark, enough to make out an outline of his face.

"I don't…"

"You don't what?"

"I don't think I do either."

Sirius laughed aloud. He pushed against the man, forcing him back. After a few steps, Remus' knees hit the bed and he tumbled back. Sirius wasted no time climbing atop him.

"You think?"

Remus was smiling slightly, happy and nervous at one time.

"I want this. But I am not sure if it's right."

He was met with another deep, solid kiss. "You want it?"

"Yes."

"Then what is wrong about it? Remus, you give so much. What is wrong with letting me make you feel good?"

Sirius felt those long arms wrap around his neck. "Not now, Sirius. I don't wan- I cant do this now."

His voice broke again and Sirius suddenly remembered how they ended up here. Remus was crying not too long ago. Miserable. It seemed wrong to do this now.

So he rolled off him and they both climbed off the bed, lighting the room with their wands. There was little talking as they changed into soft pants. Sirius once again averted his eyes from the horror that was Remus' naked body.

Once they were changed, Remus laid into the bed and Sirius crawled in after him, letting the room fall back into darkness.

Sirius watched Remus turn away from him, slight frame rising and falling with each breathe. He wanted desperately to reach out, offer some form of comfort. He felt a pang of guilt. Remus had come to him for help, support from an old friend. Instead of giving it to him, he took him to his bedroom and ravished him like an animal. He was so selfish.

Just at that moment, Remus reached back and grabbed Sirius by the arm. He pulled him forward so that Sirius' chest was pressed to his back, guiding his arm around him. Sirius smiled in the darkness, holding the man until they both drifted off to sleep.

_Stick around and I promise you will be rewarded with some good ol' Remus/Sirius ;)_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sirius fell deeper into his depression after Harry left. Dumbledore kept Remus busy and Severus was always prepared with some type of insult. He grew more and more weary of the house with each passing hour.

Remus mentioned nothing of their snog and Sirius didn't bring up the matter. They acted like brothers, nothing more. It was almost sickening. Sirius could still feel it, the passion, the sexual tension. But Remus seemed to want to pretend it never happened.

So he gave Remus that one thing. He kept his touches to simple brotherly ones. A clap on the shoulder, quick handshake. Nothing questionable. Ever.

It didn't matter that he saw other things. He noticed that the small of Remus' back fit his hand perfectly. He saw that Remus was perfect height to lay his head on Sirius' chest. He saw that Remus neck was long, just begging for Sirius kiss it.

It wasn't until December, that Sirius finally heard his front door open, whoever entered it loud enough that all his portraits awoke. He cursed them, hurrying down to see what was the cause of the commotion.

Kinglsey, Tonks, Bill, and Arthur were all in the open doorway, laying something on the floor. They weren't even bothering to be quiet, agitating him.

"Dammit, why dont ya'll shut up-" Sirius froze.

Remus.

In one movement, Sirius was at his side. He lay on the floor, unconscious. There was little to him that wasn't open and bleeding. Gashes covered him from head to toe, deep, gaping.

He laid Remus' head on his lap, looking at the ones around him. "What happened?"

"Death eater attack. Goyle and Lestrange cornered him."

Sirius swore. He hated his family. Lestrange. His god forsaken crazy cousin.

Remus stirred, eyes fluttering open. "Pad…foot?"

"I'm here, Moony. Don't worry. You're safe now." He cooed. What type of monster could have done this?

"Dumbledore is sending Poppy here. She can fix this." Kingsley said.

They closed the door and gently lifted Remus, carrying him to the basement and laying him down on the dining room table.

"Remus, she's coming. Poppy is coming." Sirius said. He pressed down hard on the deepest wound, which extended across Remus' left thigh. Too much blood was coming from it. All of the wounds added up, the blood was dripping off the sides of the table to the floor.

"I…I don't care…"

"What? But she is going to save you, Remus." came Tonks voice.

Remus opened his eyes a little wider, looking dead at Sirius. "I don't want her. I….want you…..to stay here."

Sirius gave a shaky laugh, trying to stay positive. He ignored the questioning looks the others exchanged. "Remus! Don't be silly! Of course I'm staying!"

The door upstairs opened and Poppy came barreling down as fast as her elderly legs could manage.

"Simple magic. Easy to fix." She exclaimed upon seeing him. She shooed everyone away but Sirius stayed put. "I'll stay here." He insisted. She began to argue but Remus gave a feeble moan. No time.

It was a miracle how fast she worked. Within five minutes, there were no open wounds on him. He was still weak, blood loss keeping him bound to the table. But he looked so much better.

"He will need rest." Poppy prescribed. "But he will be okay. He lost a lot of blood so make sure he gets a lot of rest and food."

She stepped back, allowing Tonks, Kingsley, Bill, and Arthur to crowd in. Remus gave them all a weak smile, reassuring.

"Thank you so much."

They all said your welcome, Tonks tearing up. Sirius stayed where he was, grinning in relief. Remus had come so close to joining James and Lily.

"C'mon, Remus, you need rest." He helped him off the table, cleaning the blood that covered it and the floor with a wave of his wand. All six of them had blood on their clothes, which would be much harder to clean, but it was okay. Better have to throw away clothes then bury a body.

Poppy went to back to Hogwarts and the others returned to their assignments. Sirius carried Remus up the stairs, whispering to him.

"It's all okay, Remus. It's all okay. You're safe now."

He laid him on the bed, pulling the bloody clothes off him, leaving him totally naked. "I wish I could have protected you. I'm so sorry."

"Sirius,"

Remus' eyes were open again. Sirius knelt beside him in, pushing his hair away from his forehead.

"Yes?"

"Kiss me."

He needed no other motivation. He leaned down and sealed his mouth over Remus'. There was little response as Remus was far too weak so Sirius took total control. He pried Remus' lips open with his tongue, exploring the warm, moist cavern. He felt his groin stirring and knew this was no time for that. He reluctantly pulled back, looking at Remus.

"You need to rest." Sirius said. Remus nodded, scooting over to give him space to join him. Sirius took off all his blood covered clothes so he was only clad in his boxers. He pulled the blankets over Remus' body and pressed himself against him. The warmth was unbelievable. Remus molded himself to him, chest to chest, hips to hips, legs hooked together.

Perfection.

Sirius made Remus breakfast again the next morning, ensuring the man ate it all. "It's so much," Remus said as he looked at the colossal platter.

"You need your strength back."

After he finished, Sirius gave him some clean clothes so that they could go to the roof. The air was frigid but that made it better, Sirius liked the cold. It was so different from the controlled indoors.

London was alive as always as the duo stared out towards the city. "It's rather beautiful." Remus said, quietly.

"Yes, you are."

Remus smiled at him, blushing. "Since when were you so sweet?"

"I always have been. Just had to wait for someone to bring it out of me."

"And that person is me?"

Sirius pulled his cloak tighter around, shivering.

"I believe so, yes."

Remus turned his back on the city, facing Sirius. "Padfoot, I've known you for twenty four years. Why is this coming out now?"

"When I was young, I was arrogant. I thought the world was at my feet. I didn't take time to look for anything real. When I was in Azkaban, I had no choice but to sit back and think everything over. You never turned your back on me. No matter what I did. And these past few years, it's even more obvious that nothing is easy. Nothing is innocent. I'm not 'the king of the world'."

Sirius drifted off, letting Remus take in his words. He was met with a small scowl.

"So what? You realize your not 'the king of the world' so you end up in bed with some lowly wolf? To make you feel better?"

There was venom in his world, heavy and acidic. But Sirius didn't let it bother him. His lips curled upward as he replied. "No. Not at all. You make me feel better, yes, but because I can trust you. You never judge me. Never hold anything against me. You keep me grounded. I can't help but be drawn to that."

He reached out, extending a hand to Remus, who took it.

"Tell me you feel it, Remus. I know you do. The way you want me to hold you when you are weak. The way you asked me to kiss you. They way…."

"Yes?"

"The way you looked me in the eye in front of those people last night and asked me to stay with you."

"That was risky of me."

"But you needed me. No shame in saying it."

Remus closed the distance, his face inches from Sirius. "Do you know why I need you?"

"Tell me why."

"Because I am cursed to be weak. I try to be strong but every full moon, I fall ill. I am targeting by those monsters, often wounded. But you are always going to be strong. No matter how weak my body is you are strong."

It made sense now. Remus was strong on the inside, weak on the out. Sirius was weak internally, strong physically. Yin and yang. They fit together as well as their bodies did last night.

As well as their lips did now. Remus opened his mouth for him again, but this time responding with his own force. It was passionate, deep, wet, and not enough. Sirius needed more. He grabbed Remus by the hand again and pulled him down the hatch door, through the hall, into the bedroom.

It was different now. Electric. Hands grasped and groped, pulling at their clothes. Remus pulled off Sirius cloak and shirt, revealing his strong, solid chest. He kissed the flesh, worshipping it. Each brush of his lips set Sirius on fire with desire. He let the wolf work his way along his collarbone, moving south to his nipples.

He let out a small gasp as Remus bit the sensitive flesh. His tongue was so talented it was scary. It went further, leaving damp trails in Sirius' light coat of chest hair.

He wound his hands into Remus' brown hair, pulling his head back and attacking his mouth. He was rewarded with a small moan, needing.

Sirius grunted, knowing there was one thing preventing him from hearing that sweet voice.

He cradled Remus against him, turning to yell at the door. "Kreacher! Kreacher!"

He saw the shadows of the small elf under the door.

"Go down to the basement. Stay there until I tell you otherwise."

The elf grumbled beneath his breath but did as told. The two men didn't move, holding each other, until they heard the soft footsteps fade away.

"He's gone." Remus said. He was still whispering.

"Good." Sirius pushed him down to the bed, the mattress creaking in protest. "I want to hear you. I want to make you scream. Make you beg."

He laid his body atop Remus', noses brushing due to their proximity.

"What if I want to hear you too?"

"You will. What do you want to hear, Remus?"

Remus kissed him, sucking on his bottom lip. "You. Telling me everything. How much you want it. How much you need it."

He flipped them, using a surprising amount of strength. Sirius let him rub his crotch against his, drawing a groan from both of them.

"You like this, Sirius?"

"Yes."

"Don't believe I caught that. Do you like this, _Sirius?"_ he emphasized the name, reaching down to massage Sirius through his pants.

"F-Fuck! Yes!"

Remus was really drawing it out, teasing him. He ghosted his lips along Sirius' jaw, feeling the way the man pulled at his cloak. He shrugged the fabric off, unbuttoning his shirt with his free hand while his other continued to stroke the tent.

"Does this get you hot? Make you hard?"

"So hard, Remus. I want you."

In the dark he could see Remus' amber eyes glowing. Predatorily. He was a wolf, an alpha. But they both knew damn well how this was going to play out.

Unable to handle it any longer, Sirius seized Remus' shirt, ripping the buttons open. He tossed it to the side before Remus could argue and threw him off him, forcing him to the bed. He wasted no time in pulling at the wolfs pants, needing more. Remus didn't fight him, instead he raised his hips allowing the garment to be removed. He accepted the change of power, letting Sirius take control. He was tossed and pulled all over the bed as every inch of him was met with kisses. His lips, his face, his neck, his chest, his arms, his hips, even his thighs and calves.

What he didn't expect was for Sirius to stop, fumbling with something on the bedside table, and then for all the candles to suddenly light up. He jerked, suddenly self-conscious. Sirius was sitting on his heels, holding his wand as he illuminated the bedroom.

Sirius had seen him naked before, but he always averted his eyes, horrified. Now, he stared hard at the mess that was his body.

His chest was a canvas of scars. Big, little, deep, shallow, mapping out the darkness of his life. His bones protruded from everywhere, screaming of years of poverty and starvation. It was awful.

But Sirius didn't look away. He kept his eyes focused on what he tried to block out so many times before. For a moment, he felt rage again. Why Remus? Why his Remus?

And then he saw the way that Remus pulled his feet to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself. And he felt love.

Love for the poor man beneath him. Love for the man who has every right to be defeated, but keeps getting up.

"You're still beautiful."

Remus looked up, eyes disbelieving. Sirius gently pulled his legs down, revealing what he was trying to hide. "I don't care, Remus. Your body isn't why I'm here tonight."

"What is?"

"Because I love you."

He had said it before. But it was different. Before it was always like brothers. When Remus forgave him for his actions in their sixth year. When they graduated from Hogwarts. When Remus saved his life after a death eater attack when they were twenty, and most recently when he arrived at Remus' cottage with the news that Voldemort had rose from the dead. He meant to tell him of the Dark Lord immediately but as soon as the door was opened he froze. Remus didn't moved, eyes locked on, waiting. Sirius' only words were "I love you," before he collapsed to the floor, sobbing. Sobbing over James, Lily, Harry, Remus, and all the lost years. Remus took him into his arms, shielding him from all the evil in the world.

He did this again, pulling Sirius down to him. He kissed him, blocking out all the darkness that was laced in every corner of the Black house, saying more then words could. In one simple act, he said three things.

I love you.

I've always loved you.

Take me. Make me yours.

Sirius pulled off the remainder of their clothes, letting the light fall across the beauty that was Remus. He pried the thin legs apart and used his wand to gently coat his fingers with oil. It was cold, making Remus jump.

Sirius laughed, massaging his thigh with his free hand. "Relax, baby. I will make you feel good."

He pushed forward, feeling Remus' body open to him, though reluctantly. He was tight as any virgin. Remus' eyes closed as he was invaded, feeling the searching finger.

"Another." He forced out.

Sirius obliged. A second finger slid in next to the first, followed by a low, breathy moan.  
>"You like that?"<p>

Remus nodded, squirming to make himself comfortable. He was biting his lips so much that it had to hurt.

"Don't do that." Sirius pulled at his chin, forcing his lip from his mouth. "Don't quiet yourself. Let me hear your every moan. Every scream."

He put another finger in, working them in circles and scissoring. "Oh!" Remus gasped, eyes fluttering. Sirius repeated his motion over and over, playing the sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Ugh, Sirius! Please, please. I want more. I need more."

It was odd to see Remus break his composure. He was always so calm. So decent. But now, he was naked, legs spread, fingers in his arse, _begging_ for more.

Sirius took his thighs and raised them, putting his ankles by his head.

Dammit, he looked too good like this. It was amazing to think that his damaged body could even handle being folded over like this. Sirius pulled his fingers from him and replaced it with a more flexible, moist appendage.

"Oh, my God! Sirius!" Remus bucked, shouting. Sirius moaned, unable to speak with his tongue deep in the other man. He wiggled it around, playing with the sphincter. He loved how Remus was writhing and whimpering. It was more then he had dreamed. He pushed Remus' legs down farther, forcing his rear higher into the air. He had to be hurting his back but he knew that if he stopped now, Remus would hit him.

So he licked and licked and licked. His entrance opened up more and more for him, relaxing.

"I'm close. Sirius, I- I'm close."

Sirius pulled back and spat onto the hole, watching his saliva drip in. "Remus, I swear to Merlin, if you cum now I will never forgive you."

"Then what are you waiting for? Fuck me!"

No more invitation needed. Sirius flipped him onto his stomach. As tight as Remus was, it would be easier this way, less painful. He pulled the wolf to his knees and lubricated his cock with the spell. He was so hard now it was painful. His cock had swollen to a size it hadn't reached in years. Hard to believe he was really going to try to fit it in the small, puckered hole before him.

"Sirius," Remus was moaning, moving his hips side to side, taunting him, "just do it. Put it in. Don't make me wait anymore."

He positioned himself and pushed. At first, he thought he had missed as the head didn't even go in at all. But he pushed harder and harder until he realized that Remus was just so tight.

"Remus, relax. I can't get it in if you are so tense." He said, pressing against the opposing body. He could tell that Remus was trying, but he just couldn't do it. So Sirius took pushed him higher up on the bed so that he was flattened against the headboard and thrust with all his might.

It went in this time, engulfing his in a velvety, warm passage. He could feel each ridge and bump of the cavern, squeezing his cock. It was so tight that he groaned as the pressure damn near crushed his cock.

"Bloody hell. I'm inside you…."

Remus nodded, biting his lip so hard blood was welling. He was watching Sirius over his shoulder, eyes furrowed in pain. "It's…so…..big."

Sirius nodded, pushing more of it in. "It's all yours. Take it all."

When he was finally all the way in, all he could do was stay there, savoring the warmth. It was like the night before when they held each other. They fit perfectly.

"Sirius, move."

"But you are still in pain-"

"Just do it!" Remus yelled this, all reserve gone. Sirius obeyed, moving in and out in a slow, steady pace. It was obvious from the look on his face that Remus was hurting. But he didn't want a moment to be wasted. He wanted Sirius, and he wanted him now.

With each thrust, Remus groaned, letting his body be forced against the headboard. Slow and gentle strokes drew a soft, low moan. Harder, sharper ones made Remus gasp and pant, hands squeezing the headboard. Sirius recorded each reaction in his mind, filing it away. It was too intimate, seeing a side of Remus no one has seen before. Sure, there have been other lovers, but they were all female. None ever entered him. None ever held him beneath them and tore away that famous composure.

Sirius leaned down, kissing his exposed flesh. Anything he could reach, the back of his neck, his shoulder blades, his spine. The pale flesh shivered beneath his lips.

"I want you to show me how much you want it." Sirius grunted into his ear.

"H-how? Anything you want, Sirius!"

"Like this." Sirius pulled his shoulders back, pulling him into his lap. Remus yelped as the cock was forced into deeper inside him, stabbing at his innards.

"Show me, Remus." He wrapped an arm around his waist, like a vice.

It took a moment for Remus to force his tortured knees to comply to the animagus' demands and then several more to develop a rhythm. But when he got it, he worked it.

His hips moved in circles rather then up and down. Back and forth, side to side. It was amazing. Both men moaned, unable to form words.

God, damn, Remus was too good at riding dick.

He held onto Sirius' arm around his waist and moved his hips in Sirius' lap. His gasped were like music, low and airy.

"Fuck. Remus, don't stop. Dammit. Ride it. Ride it."

"Like this, Siri? You want me to ride your big cock like this?"

"Yes! Just like that! It feels so good! Face me!"

Remus stood long enough to turn to Sirius, wrapping his legs around him and continuing his rhythm. He engulfed Sirius, burying his hands in his hair. Sirius mouthed at his neck, listening to the moans.

It was all his. No one else. It made him feel unbelievable, knowing he had something others would never get.

The head of his cock found Remus' prostate again and he screamed. It was loud and reckless and so fucking hot.

"Again!" Sirius roared.

Remus repeated the motion, feeling his body alight with ecstasy. He released another scream.

"Again!"

He was getting close, his precum was seeping out, wetting the passage. He leaned forward, laying Remus on his back, arms and legs still holding their bodies together.

"Hard, Sirius. Give it to me hard and deep!"

"My pleasure."

Each thrust was so hard, his balls could be heard slapping against the small, tight arse. Combined with their moans, Sirius couldn't hold on any longer. Just the sound of their sex was enough to push him over the edge.

He came, groaning, flooding Remus with his seed. He reached down and grasped Remus' untouched manhood, squeezing and stroking, until Remus arched his back, crying out. He erupted all over Sirius' hand, coming harder then he had ever.

They collapsed onto each other, panting. Neither had exerted so much effort in so long.

Neither moved. They just lay there, Sirius atop Remus, feeling their hearts beat.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

Still in sync.

Finally, Remus piped up. "Padfoot…"

"Yes, my love?"

"It's starting to hurt."

Sirius looked down, convinced he was crushing the small man. But Remus pulled him down as soon as he made to roll off.

"No, not you. Just…that."

And then he understood. He was still buried deep in him, Remus' body now pushing against his now soft cock.

"Oh, sorry." He pulled it out and lay back down, not fazed at all by the sticky semen that was on their bellies. He would deal with that in the morning.

"Sirius?"

"Hmmm?"  
>"I love you."<p>

He smiled. "I love you too, Moony."

_Oh dear that was intense! Please review and let me know what you think!_


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Sirius was awoken by the small man squirming in his arms.

"Stop…" he grumbled, not opening his eyes.

Remus kept moving, sliding as carefully as possible towards the edge of the bed.

"Remus, stay still." Sirius said a little louder. He pulled Remus back to him, holding him still with his body.

"I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry."

"You are, too. Let me make breakfast."

Sirius didn't want to let Remus go but his stomach was grumbling. He rolled over, releasing his hold and allowing the man to stand up.

Remus groaned as he did, no doubt feeling a well earned ache in his belly and arse. He popped his back and cleaned his dried cum off their naked bodies. "Do you want tea?" he asked, tucking his brown locks behind his ears.

"I want you back in bed."

Remus laughed, leaning down to give Sirius a quick peck. "I'll be back soon."

He threw on Sirius' dressing robe, which was far too big for him and hurried out and down the stairs.

Sirius lay on his back, one arm tucked underneath his head, replaying the images of the previous night.

They had shagged. No, not just shagged. That one word couldn't sum up the event that had occurred. They had made love, passionate, frenzied, driven by years of pent of tension. His body was still feeling light, sated by the intense orgasm that he had had. He shuddered with desire at the memory of his explosion.

Remus was better then Sirius could have ever predicted, giving his body to him without argument, biting his lip through the pain. There had been very few times that Sirius had seen Remus lose control, but last night was the most memorable.

Sirius smiled at the memory. Remus folded over. Remus on his hands and knees. Remus in his lap. Remus on his back, eyes fluttering closed as he came, unable and unwilling to silence himself.

He got up and went to the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face. He house seemed a little less dark this morning, a little more hopeful. It was a great feeling.

Remus met him as he returned to the room, grinning. "No shame, Sirius?"

Sirius nodded, still without a scrap of clothes. "A man should be able to walk around his own castle any way he would like!"

Remus was in such a rush to get back to his lover that he made the quickest meal he could, just some porridge, toast, and tea. They spread it out across the bed as they ate.

"Do you know when you will have to leave again?"

"Maybe tomorrow. Dumbledore thinks if I am gone too long, Greyback will think I am dead. He surely knows of my attack by now. If he thinks I am dead he will do something drastic, believing that Dumbledore no longer has any spy."

Sirius chewed slowly, "It must be difficult."

"Of course it is."

"No, not just staying in the caves. It must be difficult being around him."

"Ah, yes. I must act civil though. I cannot help but to feel angry with him for biting me and being….proud of it. But if I show it, he will only turn on me even more then he already has. I tend to not use my wand because it draws too much attention to me since most the wolves have no schooling and don't own one but last time I had to just to get him away from me."

Remus took a sip of his tea.

"How severely has he attacked you?"

"Sirius, it's not import-"

"How severely has he attacked you?" Sirius repeated, more forceful. He would be damned before Greyback went to far. A few bruises were part of the job, but there was a limit.

As always, Remus never lied. He didn't want to admit it though so he let a few moments pass before saying, "I can take care of myself as long as I have my wand. But he caught me without it once. Choked me until I passed out."

Sirius make a fast jerky movement, somewhere between leaping up to kill the werewolf marshal and holding Remus. But he refrained himself, letting his right hand ball so tightly into a fist that his knuckles went white.

"I'm sorry! I knew it would upset you so I didn't say anything!"

"When?" Sirius shouted, making Remus jump. "Why?"

He was scaring Remus, it was obvious. Sirius had always been intimidating when he was enraged.

"After I found out he bit me. I didn't exactly take that knowledge lying down, we got into an argument. Pretty…heated. But I figured out that I didn't have my wand about the same time he did." He shuddered at the memory.

Sirius remembered something as well. He remembered Remus at the dining room table, crying. And then beneath him, telling him that he wasn't ready for this. He was fresh from that attack.

"I hate him."

Remus took his hand, soothing. "As do I, Sirius. He is getting more radical, more open about his plans. I do not know if this is good or bad. Either the world will be repulsed by him. Or they will join him. I can only hope it's not the latter."

It took awhile to draw Sirius out of his sulky mood. Remus coddled him, kissing him all over his face and telling him silly things, like how pretty his eyes were. Finally, he was able to get Sirius to laugh like no one else could.

The mood for the day was light, strangely innocent. Neither wanted to leave each other. They learned that it was difficult to fit two grown men into a bathtub so they opted for a shower, though little actual bathing was done. They snogged in every room of the house, giggling like school children. Sirius remembered how badly he wanted to place a silencing charm on Ginny and Hermione for doing the same. As the day ended and the sun began to set, they ate an early diner and then Sirius attempted to make love to Remus on the couch in the living room. Unfortunately, he was still far too sore, so they settled on giving each other blowjobs until they were limp and sated.

"I don't want to leave you," Remus ran a gentle hand along Sirius' face, feeling the prick of the stubble. He liked how it tickled his face so he made a mental note to ask Sirius to stop shaving so often.

"You don't have to until tomorrow morning." Sirius murmured sleepily. They were on the couch, Remus on his back, Sirius stretched out on top him. His head was on Remus' chest as the man massaged his shoulders, kneading away any tension.

"Twelve more hours, eh? Not enough time."

Sirius raised his head to see him, "You've got more time then that!"

"Oh really? How much more?"

The raven haired man pulled himself so he was level with him. "The rest of our lives."

Remus laughed, "Moving a bit quick there, huh?"

Sirius didn't think so. He had always had a good relationship with Remus. It was hard to imagine that anything would ever come between them.

"What do you think, Mr. Moony? Am I rushing things?"

His tone was playful, but his eyes serious. Remus kissed his nose, "I have been wanting this for a long time. I'm still in shock that I have you."

"How long?"

Remus adjusted himself, getting more comfortable. He chewed his lip, thinking.

"There were many times that I realized how much I wanted you."

"I'm free all night. Tell me all of them."

"The first time was when we were twelve. I knew I couldn't hide my secret from you forever but you ended up figuring it out long before I expected you to. I was devastated at first, thinking you and James would abandon me for sure. But you put your hand on my shoulder and told me that it was all going to be okay. I was too young to love, or even to fancy anyone. So it was then that I realized that I cared for you more then I did anyone else.

"I began to fancy you in our fifth year. I was on my high from knowing that I would no longer be alone on the full moons. I put you higher and higher on your pedestal but I remember our first Hogsmeade visit that year. You brought that Hutchens girl and she was all over you. Kissing, hugging, desperate for all your attention."

Sirius remembered that well, too. She had been annoying him since his fifteen year old mind was focused on trying to plan another full moon adventure with James.

"It was then that I realized how much it bothered me. It didn't take me long to understand why."

Remus frowned at the next memory. "I think there was three times that I knew I loved you. Before last night at least."

"Three?"

"Yes. Three times that I knew there was no denying it, I was a goner. The first was when we were twenty. Remember when Dumbledore sent us to that cottage in Wales and we were ambushed? Seeing that death eater with his wand to your neck….it was like the world stopped. I knew he could kill you in a second and once it was done I couldn't reverse it. So I acted without thinking, I killed him. My first kill."

Remus had been so shaken after that. He collapsed to his knees, wand dropping from his shaking fingers. Sirius was frozen for a moment, listening to the thump of the man who had just seconds ago had him at his mercy fall dead to the floor.

"I couldn't believe what I had done. But I knew I was glad I had done it. I'd rather him be dead then you. It was worth it from the moment I raised my wand, but hearing you say 'I love you' gave me the strength to stand back up.

He closed his eyes, letting a low breath out before continuing. "The second was about two years ago. When you were arrested, I couldn't believe the things they were telling me. They actually had the nerve to tell me that you had betrayed James and Lily to their deaths. That you murdered Peter and those muggles. That you had tried to kill baby Harry. It didn't make any sense. When I heard of your escape twelve years later, I still never believed it. Seeing you in the shack, when you proved your innocence, my whole world lit up. I forgot that the children were there when I embraced you. I just couldn't think of anything else other then making up for all the lost years."

He drifted off, quiet. Sirius hadn't moved during his whole story, listening inventively. "One more," he prompted.

Remus was still quiet for a little longer, lost in his memories. Finally, he continued on, "When you came to my door. I had already heard whispers of Voldemorts return, so I knew that was probably why you were there. But it was the first time I had seen you alone in over a decade. I couldn't take my eyes off you. You were thinner then me, dirty, obviously on the run. But I didn't care. I couldn't stop looking. If I could have stopped time, Sirius, I would have. And then, you looked like you were as frozen as me. You told me that you loved me and then collapsed. Seeing you start crying broke my heart. I remembered how you were arrested immediately after everything happened, you had no time to grieve."

"So you held me."

"Yes, I held you. I wanted to reverse time, change everything, just to make you stop hurting. My own pain wasn't important."

Sirius flashed back to that night. In the open doorway, on his knees, tearing flowing for the first time in fourteen years. Remus' arms pulled him in, his soft voice whispering to him.

"You knew you loved me?"

"I had already known. But it confirmed it."

He smiled at Sirius now, breaking the heavy mood. "I never thought you would love me back. I can't even begin to tell you how much that kiss meant to me. Yes, it was an accident, there is no denying that. But without it, where would we be?"

Sirius didn't say anything, but he knew the answer in his mind. Still in the same place they had been since they were eleven. Friends. Nothing more.

He kissed Remus then, unable to resist the urge anymore. It was not a demanding kiss, just a loving one. Reassuring. It went on from there until there they were making out on the couch like teenagers on summer break.

_Ah, love. There just isn't anything like it is there? :)_


	6. Chapter 6

Anchor Chapter 6

The chaos of summer soon returned to the house. Arthur's injury put everyone on edge but once it was discovered that he would survive his kids decided to just enjoy the break. Sirius was thrilled as well to have some more company since the attack had caused Remus to have to work double time. He bounded around the house, singing, cooking, and being the good host he failed to be over the summer.

But it was more than having a house full of guest over Christmas that had him in a great mood. It was more than having his godson who he cared for like his own child in his home. It was feeling of having someone in the world who was anxious to get back. Just to be in his arms.

He was a man in love.

Remus returned home from the tunnels Christmas Eve. He was still skinny but Sirius had managed to put about ten pounds on his frame. His cloak was dusted with snowflakes and his cheeks were bright red from the cold. But he smiled at Sirius nonetheless.

"Alright, Moony?" Sirius descended the stairs, beaming. He wanted to scoop him up, kiss him, love him. But it was mid afternoon and the house was packed. He was forced to restrain himself.

"I'm fantastic now that I'm back." Remus' smile was one that a man shouldn't give another one. He lowered his voice to a whisper, "I missed you."

Sirius risked a quick hug, feeling the icy skin. "I missed you too, my love." His voice was so low even he barely heard it. He noticed the parcel in Remus' hands.

"What did you get him?"

"Some Defense Against the Dark Arts books. I figured since he has this new 'army' to teach he would need some reference."

"Perfect. He will love it." Sirius beamed. He hadn't known what Remus would get Harry but he handed him a bag of gold knowing that it would be good.

Ron and Ginny entered the entrance hall, arguing over some boy she was dating. Sirius shot them a dark look and they immediately lowered their voices; Sirius was getting tired of having to silence his mother's portrait.

The whole afternoon was agony. Sirius wanted Remus so badly it hurt, but he couldn't act as more than a friend. It was easy before when that was the most he hoped for but now that he harbored the secret knowledge of Remus' hidden sexual appetite he found it harder to resist him. The werewolf acted normal, smiling and talking amicably with everyone. Sirius loved his voice. It was worn and slightly hoarse, but it was soft, gentle, and calming. It was distinctly his.

At dinner, Sirius sat at his usual spot at the head of the table, where his father sat when he was a child. Remus took his place at his right side, where he belonged, sipping his wine and entertaining Hermione's determination to unite the wizard world against house elf abuse.

"I still believe that it's just like werewolf abuse! I mean honestly, how are they so different from you? The only decent thing to do as civilized people is give them the rights that we have denied them for centuries." she insisted.

Remus nodded, taking a sip from his wine glass. Sirius saw a muscle twitch in his jaw and wished the teenage girl would shut the hell up. House elves didn't murder each other and bite and kill innocent people. Sirius interrupted the conversation and drew Remus' attention to himself, ignoring Hermione's offended look.

Finally, night came. Everyone excused themselves one by one. Fred and George were the last to go, laughing as the ascended the stairs. The two men stayed at the table as Sirius filled their wine glasses with firewhiskey. It was obvious they were already slightly drunk but it was the holidays so what the hell.

"Hermione is too damn clever for her own good."

Sirius shook his head. "She thinks she is. But I could tell she touched a nerve. Baby, you know you are nothing like those monsters."

Remus gave him a tired smile. "I know, Sirius. Just as you are nothing like your family."

They were quiet again as Sirius reached over and took Remus' hand in his, kissing it, before disappeared off to the privacy of their bedroom.

The house was even louder the next day, the Christmas spirit making the dark halls seem bright. Harry loved his gift from Remus and Sirius, though he had to hide it from Molly who disapproved. Both the men received large parcels from Tonks. She had gotten her cousin several bottles of muggle liquor and for Remus she had a basket packed with coffee, tea, and chocolate.

"Figured you would prefer that over anything else." She blushed. Remus grinned, he had a small addiction to all three of them. "It's wonderful. Thank you so much!"

Sirius was grateful for her gift but he couldn't help but notice how she giggled and twirled her hair around her finger as she talked to the werewolf. It was almost laughable, she was barely in her twenties and was known for being loud, clumsy, and always clad in bright, obnoxious colors. The exact opposite of Remus' type.

She gave them both a kiss on the cheek before excusing herself so she could spend the rest of the day with her family.

"Tell your mother I said hello." Sirius said as they walked her to the door. "I haven't seen her since the last family reunion."

"She says she misses you. But Dumbledore won't let her in the house yet."

Sirius nodded, understanding. The less people who knew he was here, the less chance of him being arrested.

She sent a longing look at Remus before they closed the door behind her and smiled at each other.

"She reminds me of you." Remus said.

Sirius snorted. "Why? Because she wants you as badly as I do?" he couldn't help but smile at the fact that he had him, not her.

Remus blushed. "I hope not. I'm quite sure who I want and I don't think it's her."

"Oh, really? And who do you believe that person is?"

"You may know him. He's this very handsome man I've known since I was young. Quite a looker."

Sirius' smile broadened as he leaned back against the wall and extracted his wand from his pocket. "Oh, so it's his looks that you're into?"

"No not at all! He is headstrong, intelligent, always good for a laugh, and little bit on the stubborn side."

Sirius laughed at this. Stubborn was putting it kindly. He raised his wand and muttered a low spell. A vine appeared on the ceiling, wrapping itself around until it hung low by their heads.

"Mistletoe." Remus whispered, impressed by the magic.

"What is this man's name?"

Remus looked around, making sure no one was around, and pressed his body to Sirius'.

"I believe it's Sirius Black. Sound familiar?"

"Vaguely. Poor bloke."

Remus looked confused, running his fingers across Sirius' stubbly chin. "Poor bloke?"

"I'm going to have to steal you from him."

With that, he kissed him. It was a quick, innocent peck. Nothing sexual, nothing obscene. But they both knew that it wouldn't be enough.

"Tonight. You're mine." Sirius whispered into Remus' ear. They had only had sex that one time, but there had been a lot of heavy petting. Snogging, handjobs, blowjobs. But the pressure was still building up.

Now here, under the mistletoe, forehead to forehead, there was no way to simply sate the urge.

When it was finally time for everyone to go to bed, they immediately disappeared into Sirius' bedroom. "It's about damn time." Sirius growled, closing the door. He looked at Remus who was strolling around the bed, fingers toying with the buttons on his shirt.

"Patience is a virtue, Padfoot."

"I can't be patient with you."

He was totally serious. His eyes were locked on Remus who was moving painfully slow. He stood on the other side of the bed, eyes sparkling. His long thin fingers slowly undid the first button.

"Sit down."

Sirius obliged, climbing onto the bed, eyes never leaving his lover. Remus was teasing him, undoing each button one by one. His pale skin was becoming visible but not fast enough. Sirius reached forward to help.

"No, Sirius. Don't touch. Stay where you are."

He continued until he was able to slowly let the shirt slide from his shoulders. His body was horrifically scarred but he trusted Sirius to still be in love with it. The raven haired man was writhing on the bed, his arousal getting bigger and bigger. Sirius looked good like this, undone, needing. Remus moved his hands to his belt, going in the same slow motion as he removed it.

On the bed, Sirius was in agony. He wished Remus would hurry up but at the same time he wanted to savor this. It was rare for Remus to give a show like this. His confidence was sexy.

Sirius watched as the belt fell to the floor, soon joined by his trousers and underwear. He was rock hard, his cock long and erect, bobbing against his belly. Sirius' own erection was leaking, making him wonder if Remus was about to make him cum in his pants again.

He leaned over and grasped Remus in his hand, drawing a hiss. When he was younger, Sirius thought that the penis was a disgusting thing, even his own. It was awkward looking and just hung there. Now, he held another mans in his hand without the slightest hint of sickness.

He opened his mouth and took Remus in, his lips stretching around it. Sirius played his tongue around it, running it up and down the thick vein on the bottom, listening to the soft moan that Remus let out. He would have to be quiet tonight; there were too many people that could overhear.

The skin of the penis had a strong brine flavor that was mixed with its masculine scent. Sirius took it all in, wanting to remember this, file it away for permanent recollection. He remembered the first time he blew Remus, that day that he told him all the times he fell in love with him. He had wanted to get Remus off, to ensure he climaxed since he was nervous that he was doing it wrong. The act was rewarded with the bitter seed flooding his mouth. Now, he wanted to take his time, using his tongue instead of a sucking motion. It was odd being here instead of there but he wouldn't change it for the world right now.

Remus let his head fall back as he let out a groan. His cock was alive as the moist muscle worked itself around his shaft. He always loved when women blew him but Sirius was even better then all them. He seem to truly appreciate what he was doing, treating it as an art. He felt his hands grazing his scar dusted thighs before moving to his testicles. Sirius squeezed hard enough to make him grunt but not enough to cause any pain.

"Damn, I wish I knew you could suck dick like this years ago…"

Sirius chuckled at this, sending vibrations up Remus' spine. He wished the same. Too many years were wasted. He let it slide out of his mouth and took his left ball in. Remus bucked again, whispering filthy nothings.

He made a game of it, alternating between the left, right, and erection. He would lick and suck until Remus got too loud and then move to the next one.

"Sirius, please stop. I don't want to finish like this."

"That would be no fun. You'd leave me with nothing to do but wank."

Sirius pulled Remus down to him, his larger fully clothed body engulfing the tall, thin, naked one in his arms.

"Take my shirt off." Sirius ordered. Remus hurriedly did so, feeling the muscles beneath. Sirius was blessed with a natural strong frame. He didn't need to do much to have a respectable coat of muscle all over his body. Now, the werewolf couldn't help but appreciate it as he touched the trapezius at the base of Sirius' neck, the bugles over his chest, and the thick, hard biceps.

He pulled at Sirius' pants and boxers, sliding them off as quickly as he could. As soon as the clothes hit the floor, they were pressed against each other. The friction of their warm bodies rubbing sent shudders down their spines.

"Sirius…"

"Yes?"

"Please take me again." Remus' voice was thick with lust. His beautiful eyes were dark and desperate. It was obvious that he would do anything to have Sirius inside him, filling him, making him complete. Sirius couldn't help but have a little fun.

"I don't know, Remus." He rolled over so the other man was pinned beneath him, "how do I know you want it?"

"I do! I want it so badly."

Sirius licked his ear lobe, "You say that. But you are going to have to convince me. Do you think you can do that?"

Remus nodded, eager to play Sirius' game. "Anything."

"Get on your knees on the floor."

There was no time wasted as Remus climbed out from under Sirius and assumed a kneeling position on the floor. Sirius got up and stood before him, closing his hand in his hair and pulling so that Remus was looking straight at him.

"Tell me, Remus. Tell me everything that you want me to do to you."

The brunette kissed the tip of Sirius' dick and gave him puppy eyes. "I want you to throw me down and fuck me. As hard as you can. I want to really feel it. Do you think you can do that for me? Can you fuck me until I can't breathe?"

Sirius gave his signature bark like laugh, "You know for a damn fact that I can and will."

"I want you to get rough with me. Show me who is in control. Make me yours."

"You're going to have to stay quiet. I don't want the children to hear you screaming my name."

Remus smirked, "Well, if you are concerned about that, maybe you should just….gag me."

Sirius bent over and seized Remus beneath his arms. He heaved the man up and tossed him like a rag doll so that his upper body was on the bed and his knees were on the floor. "You must really want this cock huh? Who would have thought? Good old professor Lupin begging for a dick in his arse."

Sirius used a spell to oil his fingers and slipped his index into Remus, who moaned. He moved the finger around, poking and prodding.

"Be quiet, Remus." Sirius growled. The thin man nodded and bit down on the blankets, his fangs tearing at the fibers. Sirius put two more fingers and spread them as wide as he could, opening him up.

Both of their cocks were oozing precum as they stood as full attention. Remus rubbed his hips against the edge of the bed, desperate for any friction he could possibly get. He was still stunned by how erotic it felt to have any part of Sirius inside of him. His fingers, his tongue, his fucking amazing cock. The deeper it was in him, the better.

"Sirius," he groaned, blanket still in his mouth.

"Yes?"

"Please. No more teasing, please. Fuck me. Fuck me hard, Sirius."

Sirius bent over so he could kiss the back of Remus' neck. He positioned himself and pushed forward.

It was only their second time so Remus was still painfully tight around his dick. He bit his lip and forced it in, feeling the ring of muscle give way. He heard Remus start to scream and shoved his head down into the mattress just in time to muffle him.

"Stay quiet!"

Remus couldn't though. He was biting as hard as he could into the bed, unnaturally long fangs sinking deep. It was only his second time, he was still horribly tight. He closed his eyes and released a muffled howl.

"Oh, fuck. Remus, you're so tight." He could see the way Remus' back tensed, trying not to move. He reached out and massaged the protruding shoulder blades, whispering.

"I love you much. You're so warm and softinside, Remus. It's perfect. Oh shit, you're so damn perfect."

Remus raised his left arm and reached back for a grip. Sirius took both of his wrists into one of his massive hands, holding them behind Remus' back like a prisoner. He began to move back and forth, head tossed back, hair wild. He was in purgatory between slow, tender thrust that screamed of love and compassion and hard, sharp movements that told a story of lust and desire. He maintained a slow, steady pace, fighting to keep from just breaking the man in his eagerness.

It went on for several minutes until Remus was grumbling something into the bed.

"One more time, love?"

Remus raised his head, turning slightly to Sirius.

"I said, stop being a little pris and fuck me! Take that huge cock and tear it up!" his amber eyes were glowing.

At that moment, Sirius knew for a fact what sexually attracted him to Remus. The werewolf wasn't anything special when it came to looks but there was something about taking calm, mild, decent professor Lupin and putting him on his knees, face down arse up, stark naked and making him beg for cock like a slut that made it impossible not to take advantage of the situation.

He embedded himself in with a hard, quick thrust. Remus yelped.

"If you want me to go hard then you need to shut up, bitch!" Sirius' voice was hard and demanding and it made Remus' cock leak even more. His shoulders were aching, protesting the way Sirius restrained him but the thought to ask Sirius to let him go was nowhere in his mind. He accepted each painful movement gratefully.

"Talk to me…please." He pleaded, voice barely audible.

"Fuck you just love this cock, don't you? Such a filthy fucking slut. You just can't get enough. How long have you wanted this cock in your tight little arse?"

Remus whimpered, unable to take much more. It was too hot to handle. "Y-years…."

"Years? Hmmm you've been looking at me and just wanting to get down on your knees and suck me, haven't you?"

He pulled at Remus' hair with his other hand and yanked his head back until his neck popped. He leaned down whispering into his ear.

"Tell me what you think about the most when you get horny. Tell me what you dream of when you wank in your bed at night."

Remus was in so much pain now that stars were flashing. His arse was being pounded to hell and back, his shoulders were screaming against the angle they were held, his back and neck were begging to be returned to a normal position. But he didn't want it to stop. Even stronger then the torment was ecstasy beyond what he could have imagined. The pain was complimented with pulses of pleasure more intense than anything he ever felt before.

His voice was lost for several moments, "I-I picture me and you…out…in the open. The woods. Like where we used to run every full moon. You would throw me down and make me beg for it and then fuck me until I'm screaming and cumming all over us."

That surprised Sirius. He was already still in amazement by the hidden kink in the smaller man but he never expected that. "Someone could see us."

Remus shook his head, teeth still buried in his lip. "I don't care!"

That was all he could take. Sirius imagined him holding Remus up against a tree, the thin legs wrapped around his waist. Remus was screaming, howling, giving into his animalistic nature. The mere thought of it made Sirius convulse, spilling his seed in waves into the accepting passage. Remus either felt it or was as turned on by the fantasy as he was, because he gave into his orgasm almost immediately after.

They collapsed there, breathing as though they had run a mile. Sirius laid his cheek on Remus' upper back. "I think it's going to stay like this."

Remus let himself fall from his knees, turning so that he was in his lovers lap. "Like what?" he whispered, voice hoarse.

"This sex was better than the last, don't you agree?"

Remus nodded, body still feeling after waves of the pure pleasure that just filled him moments ago.

"So I propose a theory that it will stay like this. The shags will continue to get better and better until we can hardly last three seconds.

"I don't want that!" Remus laughed as he used a nonverbal spell to clean them up. The idea of three second sex was appalling.

They climbed into the bed, both surprisingly exhausted. Sleep seemed like a brilliant idea, especially sleep in one another's arms. Remus curled into Sirius' side as the big man lay on his back. He had a possessive arm around his Remus, shielding him from all the demons of the world.

They were almost asleep when Sirius spoke up one more time, kissing Remus' nose to ensure he had his attention. "That fantasy of yours….we can make it happen."

Remus frowned, "No, we can't. I don't want you out of this house. It's too risky."

"I don't want my imprisonment to prevent me from giving you what you want-"

"I don't want my desires to land you in the hands of the authorities!" Remus snapped. He sat up, all the drowsiness gone in an instant.

Sirius pulled himself up too, looking his friend in the eyes.

"It's not just your desires, Remus! It's what I want, what I need as well! I want to give you everything you could ever wish for- to satisfy every sexual urge or craving. But I need to get out of here as well. The house is easier now that I have you to share it with but it's still hell!"

"What is worse? Boredom or Azkaban? Actually no, you won't go back to Azkaban, you will lose your soul." Remus remembered two years ago when he learned that Sirius' soul would be taken upon his capture. At the time, he still believed him to be guilty of murder and betrayal but it still caused his breath to escape him and his knees to weaken so severely he had to drop down into a chair.

Sirius, however, was still as stubborn as he was all through his childhood. "It's different! I'm not asking to go into battle or go stake out some death eater fortress. I'm just asking if I can help to fulfill your fantasies!"

"Your freedom isn't worth it!" Remus yelled. He immediately paused, composing himself. His voice was much lower when he continued. "Dumbledore would never approve. How would we even pitch that?"

"We don't tell him. Wait, don't say no yet-" Sirius saw Remus open his mouth to argue, he knew how much he hated betraying Dumbledore's trust. "It can be like the old days. Let me run with you on the full moon. Let me make it bearable again. Remember when it was just you and me? James was always with Harry, Peter was off doing God-knows-what. We used to have the time of our lives. Let's do it again. And when it's over, I'll lay you down in the woods and make love to you, just like you want."

Ever since he was young, Sirius had always been persuasive. It was a natural talent that he never lost. Remus looked at him with a disapproving face, but his eyes were alight with the youthful mischievousness that bound him, Sirius, and James to each other when they were children.

"We will be safe, Remus. We will go deep into the woods, no one will be able to find us. I'll be a dog the whole night. The only time I'll return to my human form is when we have sex. No one will see us. Nothing will go wrong." He ran a gentle hand up Remus' arm, over his shoulder, along his neck, cupping his cheek.

Finally, "Okay, Sirius. Next full moon, we will make up for the years we have lost."

_Oh Remus you naughty thing! Thanks for the private messages! Let me know if you have any suggestions!_


	7. Chapter 7

Anchor. Chapter 7

There is few things that can put Sirius in as bad of a mood as Severus Snape. They would hate each other until the day they died and it was obvious the no one could do anything about it.

Sirius paced around his living room like a caged animal. He was enraged, not just that Severus had been there but that he now had the perfect opportunity to make Harry's life hell.

"I don't trust him, Remus! He is still on their side, I'm sure of it! And now he has the chance to weaken Harry's defenses against Voldemort even more-"

"Sirius, we have discussed this. Dumbledore is a greater wizard than you and I could ever hope to be. He trusts Severus. Why is that not enough for you too?"

Sirius rounded on him, eyes boring down on him. "Dumbledore can make mistakes. He is only human. He betrayed us once before and I will never forget it!"

Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Please, distrust will only make it more like last time. We must learn to at least tolerate one another. Believe me, Sirius, I will never seek friendship with him. He has taken too much from me. But I do understand that we are fighting for a common cause. So I must believe that he is on our side. Do you remember the last time distrust tore us apart?"

His voice was soft and gentle. He meant no harm by his words. But there was no way to keep a small undertone of accusation from slipping out.

Sirius was silent, eyes staring hard at the floor. Yes, he remembered. He lost all trust and faith in Remus. The end result was James and Lily's death, Harry being sent off to a negligent family, Remus spending his life in poverty and starvation, and Sirius being imprisoned for twelve long years.

Remus saw the immediate guilt on Sirius' face and regretted what he said. Though innocent, Sirius felt everything was his fault. He made that obvious when he told Harry that he as good as killed James.

He put his hands on the sides of Sirius' somber face, guiding it up. "Please, I didn't mean that."

"It's the truth."

"It wasn't your fault. You hade every right to believe that there was a traitor in our midst."

Sirius shook his head, freeing himself of Remus' hold. "I had no right to believe it was you. You did everything you could for the cause, it was obvious that you were the last one to ever betray Lily and James over to Voldemort."

"Sirius, that's enough. We both know that you meant no harm to them. You loved James just as much as I did- no, more. He was your brother. Peter deceived us. Now, please, don't push me away when I am merely trying to fix the damage that I have done." He put his arms around Sirius' neck, kissing him softly. It was odd how natural that felt now. It still had the tingle of new lips but it also bore a familiarity that came from a lifetime of love. As if they had been joined at the lips for as long as they could remember.

When they broke apart, Sirius stared hard into Remus' beautiful eyes. He searched deep into them, looking for evidence that this was a dream. He had suffered for so long, spent years tormented by his darkest thoughts only to escape to a life of starvation and running away from capture. It seemed hard to believe that now he was in warm house, though it was one he swore as a teenager never to return to, with clean clothes, three meals a day, and someone to spend it with.

Once he was convinced that it was real and not just a prolonged dream as he lay on the cold hard dirt of some forest, he kissed Remus again.

"Come. Arthur is home. We should be good host and greet them."

Remus gave him a smile and nodded.

As time passed, they spoke nothing of their plan to chase the moon again. Sirius knew Remus was a good man so he would never go back on his word but he secretly worried that he was asking too much. Dumbledore gave Remus everything, providing him with opportunities that no other werewolf ever knew. For that, Remus lived forever in debt to the elderly professor. He hated going against him, doing everything he could to make sure that everything went the way Dumbledore planned. When they were young, Remus' excitement of having company on the full moons was shadowed with guilt that he was betraying the trust that the Headmaster put in him. When Sirius was on the run, attempting over and over to break into Hogwarts, his shame was only intensified. Now, he must be feeling that sting of guilt once more.

Sirius couldn't help but hope that Remus would choose him over Dumbledore, choose to give him a taste of freedom. In the back of his mind, he knew he had no worries. Since they were young, Remus always gave him what he wanted.

One night, Remus came home about two o'clock. He stumbled in the front door, chest heaving. As always, Sirius was bounding down the stairs to greet him. He saw the exertion and frowned.

"What wrong?"

In the darkness, he saw Remus shake his head.

Sirius raised his wand, "Lumos."

"Nox."

The light went out almost immediately. The men stood in silence, Sirius tall and towering, Remus weak and leaning against he door for support.

Sirius attempted to keep his voice even, free of the anger that was welling in his chest. "Remus, let me see you."

"No."

It was a useless battle, Remus knew this. He meant to go anywhere other then Grimmauld Place but in his panic and hastiness, he simply apparated to the first place he knew he would be safe. He bore no cloak so his thin shirt offered no protection from the flurries of snow and bitter cold, forcing him into the house. Now, he knew eventually he would have to let him see the damage.

He saw the shadow of Sirius draw closer but he had nowhere to go. He couldn't slip past him and if he tried to go outside he knew Sirius would chase him, resulting in the risk of being seen.

So he stood still. His face was screaming in agony, begging for some type of healing charm or potion.

Sirius long fingers gently grazed his cheek, feeling the wetness. He hoped it was tears but with one close look he saw the tips were stained with a dark crimson liquid. Remus hissed at his touch, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Remus," he croaked, heart dropping, "let me see. Maybe I can fix it." Though he wasn't as good as Poppy, he knew a little about medical magic.

He raised his wand once more and muttered "Lumos".

Remus looked at the wall as Sirius surveyed the damage. The whole left side of his face was swollen mass of bruises and cuts. Blood streamed from a particularly deep gash under his eye, which had been closed shut among the swelling.

Sirius was at a lost, he wasn't even angry anymore. This time, he didn't want to find Greyback and rip his head off. He didn't want to rush out and blast every dark creature he laid eyes on. He wanted to take Remus into is arms and take the pain away.

So he did. He closed the distance and held the emaciated body to his. There was nothing he could say so he guided Remus' down to the floor, biting his lip as Remus groaned at the action, and into his lap.

"Sirius-"

"Shhhh"

Sirius placed his wand against the numerous injuries, whispering spells and charms. He watched as the intensity of the bruises dulled, from deep blacks, blues, and purples, to grotesque greens and yellows. He gently tapped his wand against the gash and healed it to the best of his knowledge. It didn't close fully but it stopped bleeding and looked almost half healed. Remus didn't try to speak again. He stayed in Sirius' lap, eyes focused on the wall as his head was laying on the solid chest and his hands clutched at Sirius shirt. He was still hurting but it was much more bearable now. He had regretted his decision to go to Sirius at first since he knew that it would spark the man's temper but now he couldn't help but feel grateful. He had never felt more safe then he did at this moment, engulfed in the arms of a man who he had loved since he knew what love was.

He considered the fact that despite not wanting to come to the house at first, it was where he ended up. What did it mean when he thinks about safety and finds himself apparating here?

"Kreacher!" Sirius called.

The ancient house elf trudged into the room, barely able to stand upright. They had hidden their relationship from him so his already huge eyes bulged at the sight before him. Sirius didn't pay it any mind.

"Get me some warm damp rags, a blanket, and some clean clothes. He is shivering."

Kreacher nodded and disappeared down the hall. He got the rags himself and used his magic to have a thick quilt and one of Sirius' shirts and trousers levitate down the stairs.

Sirius gave him a nod and dismissed him, turning his attention to the injured quivering man in his lap.

"Are there any more places that hurt?"

Remus gave a feeble nod, "My ribs. I think he may have broken one."

Sirius gently applied pressure in several spots along his rib cage, frowning at how severely Remus' ribs were protruding. He seemed to be losing weight again.

Finally he found the spot that made Remus gasp and tighten his grip on Sirius' shirt. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I can't fix broken bones but I will find someone who can. Maybe even get Poppy in here."

He laid him down on the hard floor and began to remove his clothes, which where damp with sweat, blood, and snow. Remus was shivering, weak, and it broke Sirius' heart. He wished he could do something, anything to have prevented this. He used the rags to clean his skin, wiping all the grime off him. He paid special attention to the bruised rib, trying to soothe some of the pain.

When Remus' pale skin was so clean that it glowed like moonlight, he slid his shirt and trousers onto him, using a spell to keep the pants on Remus' far too small hips.

"What happened?" he finally built the courage to ask. He was on all fours above Remus', who was spread out on his back, defenseless and vulnerable. His body was hidden by the oversized clothes and blanket. The only light that had was from Sirius' wand, which was next to them. It illuminated the uninjured side of Remus' face, leaving the swollen and discolored half in darkness.

"He came to me and told me that he wanted me to join them. Said it wasn't an option."

Sirius furrowed his eyebrows. "But he has been trying to enlist you for months. Why is this different?"

Remus shook his head and let out a shaky breath. "Not him, Sirius."

Sirius was confused. Not Greyback? Who else?

And then it hit him, immediately followed by a wave of panic that forced his breath from him.

Voldemort.

_Please Review! _


	8. Chapter 8

Anchor. Chapter 8.

Just like with all the previous attacks on Order members, Dumbledore ordered them to tell no one. Everyone knew of Arthurs since Harry was the one who alerted them of it but Remus was quickly healed by a better trained witch and questioned about the incident.

Voldemort had cornered Remus in an uninhabited part of the tunnels, interrogating him about what the Order was up to. Of course, Remus refused, which both angered and intrigued the Dark Lord. He began to insist Remus join him, finding his dedication admirable. When refused once more, he attacked and tortured the poor werewolf. It was by miracle that Remus managed to find the split second in which he was free to apparate away.

"What was he wanting to know?" Sirius asked, looking pointedly at the meal he was cooking. It was their first day alone in the house since the attack. The past week had been busy, people in and out.

Remus steeped the tea, frowning. "Just what we are doing. Where you are. How is Dumbledore protecting Harry from him."

Sirius didn't want to picture the things that Remus was subjected to but at the same time, not knowing every detail was causing his imagination to run wild in terrible ways.

He knew the damage wasn't nearly as severe as when he was sliced everywhere by Lestrange and Goyle, but he stood a much higher chance of being killed due to the pure viciousness of his attacker.

"What types of…." Sirius' voice drifted as he stirred the pasta.

"The basic. Cruciatus mainly."

The spoon dropped from Sirius' hand, falling to the floor. He made no attempt to catch it; instead he remembered the first time the Cruciatus curse was placed on him. He had only been nineteen then and in his first battle. He was hit from behind his cousin-in-law, Rudolph Lestrange. There was instantly lights flashing as he collapsed to his knees. He knew most people screamed and cried in pain, but he couldn't even breathe. He merely fell down, silent and motionless, engulfed in the most intense pain ever known to man. Frank Longbottom got to him first, shaking and shouting his name. In the distance, he vaguely heard James bellowing for him to get up, to please not be dead.

Now, he knew damn well that Voldemort was not Rudolph Lestrange. He would not hit some teenager in the back with such a horrid curse and keep running. He would find a man, someone with enough courage to stand him down, and throw the curse at them over and over until they were begging for death.

Remus' arms snaked around his torso, hugging him from behind. "Do not fret, Sirius. I am okay. That wasn't the first time I felt that curse. And even if it was, I am a werewolf; I know pain like it is an old friend." His voice was strong, meant to relieve Sirius' fears but he couldn't even convince himself of the lie.

Sirius placed his hand over Remus', nodding. It was true that Remus was no stranger to the various types of torture. Not long before James and Lily's death, he disappeared for three days, found to be at the mercy of the Carrows.

He knew it was slightly irrational to always worry about Remus, but he couldn't help it. Remus was a powerful wizard, one of the best duelist of the time which was why Dumbledore was always quick to send him onto the front line of battle. But he couldn't help but imagine the worst.

The moon was new the night of the attack and time passed slowly as more and more of the moon was visible each night. Sirius was even more determined to leave the house now, the heavy mood was only bringing him down, making him nervous and tense.

He thought of everything that was to come. The fresh air, the feel of grass beneath his paws, the danger of watching Remus become a monster, the thrill of running, barking, and wrestling with a full grown beast all night. And of course, the exposure of shagging outdoors.

That was the part that Sirius wanted the most. To fulfill Remus' fantasy. Ever since he told him of it, it was all Sirius could think of when he was aroused. Anything brought images of an outdoor love making session to the front of his mind. A kiss on the cheek, a deep and passionate snog, the image of Remus, pale and glowing in the darkness, laying beside him in bed. He knew that he needed to do this.

However, Remus was on edge since his attack; he didn't like when anyone made quick movements near him and peeked over his shoulder often. He jumped when Tonks tripped over a chair leg and knocked over the grandfather clock; he froze up and dropped several rolls of parchment when Kingsley quickly raised his wand to stun a pixie that leapt from a dusty corner at Remus; and he shot up so quickly in bed when Sirius leaned over and kissed him in his sleep that their foreheads connected with a loud crack.

"I'm sorry!" he insisted over and over, rubbing his own head as Sirius swore and jerked back. Sirius grumbled beneath his breath but returned the apology with one of his own.

"He is traumatized." Dumbledore said when Sirius told him of Remus' behavior.

The headmaster gave an understanding smile that Sirius found rather condescending. "As his best mate, he needs you. Try and relax him. Remus is such a good asset because he enters every battle with a clear mind. It would be a great loss to the Order if his ability to stay collected was affected."

Sirius slammed his hand down on the table, "I do not care what he does in a battle. I care how he is now! Loud noises and quick movements frighten him."

"I understand. But I do not know Remus in the way you do. My concern is on the soldier side of him because that is what I see. You see the man, the friend side mostly. Therefore that is what you worry for. I trust that you will stay by his side until he is back to his normal self again."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak but was silenced with the wave of a hand.

Dumbledore turned to face Sirius full on. Though elderly, he never lost his commanding air of authority. "I'll sum it up. You know Remus better than anyone else. I trust you to do what you can to calm his nerves. Even if a few of the things are rather….controversial."

His eyes twinkled. Sirius didn't need to ask why. They had given Dumbledore no evidence of their indiscretions, no reason to even suspect it. But Dumbledore was wise and observant; nothing could be hidden from him.

Sirius nodded, understanding. He would do what it took to bring peace to his troubled lover, though Dumbledore wouldn't approve of his plan.

He waited until the headmaster left before going to the library where Remus sat by the fire, focused inventively on the parchment in his hand. Sirius didn't want to surprise him so he knocked on the open door. Remus looked up at him and gave him a wide beautiful smile.

"There you are! You weren't in bed when I awoke."

Sirius sat down next to him. "Dumbledore came by." He kissed Remus' shoulder. "What are you working on?"

Remus showed his the parchment, which was a large blueprint. "It's the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry."

Sirius recognized the blueprint; he had been one of the people sent in the original Order to map out the department fifteen years ago.

"What's so important about it now? Don't we already know the prophecy?"

"Yes, but it seems that Voldemort is determined to get his hands on the original one. That's where Arthur was when he was attacked by that snake."

They stayed there as Remus told Sirius about what he and several other members of the Order where up to. He was in a very good mood, smiling and talking amicably though his face was peaky and ashen. Sirius found it endearing how Remus' eyes were shining and how he kept tucking his greying brown hair behind his ears. It was rather cute.

"You know what tomorrow night is, right Moony?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked into the depths of his stormy grey eyes. "Yes. I always know."

"The full moon. It will be worth the risk." He put his long around the slender shoulders and pulled him flush against his side.

Remus gave him a hopeful smile, "Promise?"

"Of course! It'll be like the old days! Well, as long as you can keep up. Age hasn't been kind to you."

Remus laughed, "I promise once the moon is up I'll run circles around you."

They leaned in for a quick, playful kiss, spurred by the gentle teasing. When they were young, it was always a competition between James and Sirius to see who can keep up with Remus when they raced through the woods.

Now, Sirius knew in his heart it would be different. He would have to look over his shoulders, not just hiding from death eaters or aurors but the Order too. It wouldn't go over well if anyone knew. He also worried about the condition of Remus' body and how they would be able to shag after. It was agreed upon that they would do it the first morning since it would be when Remus still has the most strength but he would have to very careful with him.

The morning before the moon, Sirius fed Remus a large breakfast and took him to the roof so he could get some fresh air. To Remus, it was calming; wrapped in Sirius' arms and a thick quilt that had been charmed to radiate their heat while the crisp, cold air surrounded them. To Sirius, it was just a tease. He was bound to this roof, but tonight, he would be free.

"When do we leave?" Remus whispered into his neck.

"As soon as the son begins to set. Remember the woods outside of Godrics Hallow?"

"It was James favorite place to go on the full moons."

Sirius nodded, stubble scraping Remus' lips. It was almost unbearably hot due to Remus' feverish body but he didn't want to move. "Lets go there. For Prongs."

Remus frowned at this. He had spent thirteen years pretending that tragic night never happened. Sirius had been in Azkaban, unable to process his own thoughts and memories. Neither had properly coped with James death. Both mourned and missed him everyday.

"What do you think he would have said?"

"About what?" Sirius asked.

"Us." Remus answered, eyes locked on Sirius'.

"Ah, that I do not know. He didn't really interact much with that queer man who worked with him. But he was tolerant. And he loved us. I believe he would have seen the beauty in what we are doing rather than the sin."

Remus tucked himself closer against Sirius' chest, feeling how the other man pulled the blanket tighter around him. "He will be with us tonight."

Sirius smiled, eyes suddenly blurring as tears welled. He once told James that he would love him until his last breath. James had laughed, clapping him on the shoulder. "You are my brother!" he had said, "I will love you beyond my last breath! Brotherhood continues until the end of time."

One single tear fell from his eye, freezing instantly against his cheek. Remus reached up and wiped the drop away. It was not one of sadness, but one that was filled with love and memories. He knew that Sirius loved him as much as he loved James but he knew that it was a different type of love. James and Sirius came from two different families but found that they were more of brothers than anyone else could have been. He was what Sirius wanted on his side, guiding him through life and standing by his side. Remus was everything that James couldn't be. He was the lover that gave Sirius spiritual and sexual release. He was the one who could find Sirius in the darkest of moods and kiss and love him until all the darkness and demons were at bay. He was the one who Sirius wanted on his other side.

When the sun began to set, they apparated to their old meeting spot next to a large oak tree miles deep into the forest. Sirius breathed deep, cold turning his breath to steam. It was a dark and dreary night but he felt as though the sky and stormy clouds were the most beautiful sight he could imagine.

Remus leaned against the oak tree, strength eluding him. He watched Sirius walk around as if in a daze, massive grin plastered to his handsome face. He looked so free that it near broke Remus' heart that it would only be for one night.

Sirius crossed over to Remus, high with the sense of freedom that made his body feel light, and held the werewolf against the tree, kissing him. It was a soft, gentle kiss though he wanted more. The closer to the moon, the more wolfish Remus' body was. His fangs had grown severely so he kept their mouths closed and shuddered as Remus' hands clutched his cloak on his back, razor sharp claws ripping the fabric.

Only two things could draw out the wolf within the man. The full moon, and uncontrollable emotion. He remembered when Remus tackled him on the roof and when he was biting into the bed when they had sex the second time. Remus fangs had grown as the wolf awoke within him, reaching out. To his surprise, he found that extremely sexy.

As their chests were pressed together, Remus once again felt his heart beat against the raven haired man.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

In sync.

Sirius began pulling at Remus' clothes, sparring the patched and darned fabric from the destructive force of the transformation. Steam rose from his exposed skin as his body burned several degrees above normal. He had just removed the final scrap of clothing when Remus pulled away from him, panting. The moon was beginning to appear behind a cloud; it was time.

"Thank you for giving me a taste, even if it is a fleeting one, of freedom." Sirius whispered.

Remus nodded. "Thank you for making this bearable again."

With that, he leaned back and released a howl of pain. His body began to contort, limbs twisting. Sirius held him for a long as he could. He felt Remus' bones snapping and muscles tearing. The man was biting his lip so much a stream of blood formed on his chin. It was a long time since it hurt this much. The wolfsbane potion made it painless but he hadn't taken it this time, wanting it to be just like old times for Sirius. Now, he fought back sobs as he was subjected to the destruction of his body.

It was when Sirius felt his skin tear and fur take its place that he leapt back. He saw the last piece of Remus fade as the wolf took its place. Sirius the man disappeared and Padfoot the dog appeared.

Moony reared back, snapping his massive jaws. He smelled man and looked around wildly, salivating at the thought of fresh blood. A bark made his ears jerk and looked down to see a dog, tail wagging and panting in excitement. He got down on all fours and prowled closer the canine, sniffing. The scent of man came from the dog, that was certain, but it sparked something in his memory. He released his own happy bark of recognition and looked around, searching for a stag. He didn't see it but it didn't faze him, Prongs hadn't been there the last few times Padfoot was either. The dog licked his face and ran off towards into the darkness of the woods. Moony followed, eager for the next adventure.

_Freedom is a privilege that is often under appreciated, don't you think?_


	9. Chapter 9

Anchor. Chapter 9.

Morning came far too quick for the large bounding dog. He saw the first sign of daylight in the corner of his eye and released a dreading howl, begging for just one more hour. But it was inevitable. The sun rose and the moon faded.

Sirius turned back into a man, shaking his sore limbs. He hadn't been this active in a very long time, bound by the walls of a dark house. He watched Moony become Remus once more, body twisting and contorting as he became human again. It took all of a minute but Sirius could see the agony on Remus' face and felt his heart drop. Ever since he first watched the transformation he hated seeing him in pain.

Once it was over, Remus collapsed onto his side, gasping for breath. Sirius was at his side in a second, rubbing his aching body. The skin was horribly warm, almost burning to the touch.

"It's okay, Remus. It's over. I'm right here." He repeated over and over. Remus used his little strength to curl into Sirius' lap, spasms wracking his skinny body. He was so feverish that the snow was actually melting where he lay. He looked at Sirius with tired eyes. Usually those beautiful orbs were a beautiful shade of amber but in the presence of the full moon they had turned to a clear yellow, identical to the sun that was beginning to bathe them in it's light.

He found enough energy to speak. "I can't move much. But I can feel it. I will be able to feel you."

Sirius nodded, knowing what Remus was talking about. They still had one more thing to accomplish. He looked up past the trees into the sky. Light was breeching the clouds, making the snow covered trees glow. He let his eyes drift down to the man in his lap.

Naked and shaking, he was gorgeous. He wasn't cold; he was sweating, but he seemed unable to control the spams. His skin was near translucent as it glowed in the morning light. His long fingers clutched at Sirius robes. He was totally weak, vulnerable, and defenseless below him. Totally at his mercy.

Sirius pulled off his robes and cloak and laid them out on the ground like a blanket, lifting Remus and placing him spread eagle on it. He pulled off all his clothes ignoring the bitter bite of the cold. To most men, this would cause them to lose arousal immediately. To Sirius, it made blood race to his loins. The cold was a reminder of his freedom. And the man below him only made him harder and harder.

Remus was totally motionless, limp, and compliant. He wanted the sex so badly but he knew he wouldn't be able to respond to it. He wanted to be able to touch and hold Sirius like he usually did but he would have to lay back and enjoy letting Sirius have his way with him.

Sirius tossed his clothes to the side and leaned down to kiss his neck, mouthing at the sinew. Remus moaned each one of his nerves seemed to be a thousand times more sensitive then ever before. His mind flashed back to when he was younger and Sirius would care for him after the moons. Each time the man touched him, his nerve ends were set on fire. It never did that when it was James, Peter, or Poppy.

Sirius kept kissing and running his hands all over Remus, leaving hickeys all over his chest and neck. Despite the cold, they both were painfully hard.

It was unbelievably hot to be totally in control. The first time, Remus submitted to him but still had some control of the situation. The second time, Remus gave himself to him and let him pull, twist, and yank at his body with no complaint but if he had wanted to, he could have taken control. Now, Remus had no way to stop him, no way to take control. He moaned at the thought.

He moved down and traced circles with his tongue down to Remus' hips, to his thighs, along his calves, and back up. Remus was still shaking but this time it was in pleasure, his eye were fluttering as he gave himself to the sensations. Sirius saw that Remus' eyes had returned to a more human amber color and reached up and gently opened Remus' lips with his fingers. He smiled when he saw that the wolf had left his body enough to dull his canine teeth. He ran his thumb along the tip of one of his tooth and when it didn't cut him he pulled himself up so that he erection was in Remus' face.

"Open." He grunted. Remus complied and Sirius lowered his hips so his cock went into Remus' mouth. He moved his hips up and down, legs straddling his shoulders as he fucked his face.

Remus didn't have much strength but he was able to run his tongue all over the throbbing member. He loved how he would feel Sirius swell and harden in his mouth.

The strong man moaned, fighting the urge to full out thrust into the moist cavern. He pushed in slowly until Remus' nose was buried in his pubic hairs. He groaned loudly, surprised that Remus could deep throat his long member. Remus gagged violently, body jerking as the tip pressed hard against his gag reflex. Sirius pulled out, giving him a moment to regain his breath.

"It's okay. Take your time." He insisted as Remus panted below him. After about twenty seconds, the werewolf opened his mouth back up, begging for the dick.

"Fuck," Sirius rasped at the image before him. He thrust back down, burying himself fully in Remus' mouth before pulling all the way back out. He continued this. All the way in, all the way out. Finally, he had to stop for fear of a premature ejaculation.

He returned so that he was level with him and kissed him deeply, tasting his pre-cum in the warm mouth.

"You're hard." He chuckled, looking at the erection that stood at attention. Remus smiled, whispering "As are you. Now, I have a question."

"What is it?"

"May I please have that huge cock in me?"

Sirius pushed Remus' sweaty hair away from his forehead. "Of course. I would want nothing else."

He crawled so that he was in between Remus' legs and spread them. The opening stared back at him, tight, puckered, and ready. He licked around the rim and was rewarded with a breathy moan. He pressed his tongue further in, reaching his hands up to pinch and rub Remus' nipples.

The brunette was immobile, bound by his lack of strength, but inside he was screaming. His nipples were hard and erect as Sirius played with them and his arse was alive as he received a pleasure so filthy that only the most dedicated and passionate of lovers performed it. He felt the large fingers leave his left nipple and move to join the tongue within him. He groaned, needing more.

Sirius was shivering from the cold and he buried his tongue deep in Remus, rolling and twisting it. To his delight, his erection remained. Nothing could take away from his moment. He was free to smell the beautiful combination of the fresh pine and oak of the woods and Remus' musky, spicy scent. He was free to feel the bitter cold of nature. He was free to make his lover scream with no worry of anyone hearing.

Once the passage was loose, relaxed, and wet, he pulled himself onto his knees.

"You ready, Remus?" he asked.

The smaller man nodded, eyes heavy as he watched Sirius position him however he wanted him. He settled on putting Remus' legs around his waist and moving his arms above his head. He watched Sirius' eyes glass over as he observed him. He couldn't move, couldn't really think. He just wanted to feel.

And feel he did. Sirius pressed into him and his body didn't fight back, just allowed the monster member in. He cried out loudly, the sound blending with Sirius' own animalistic growl.

"Oh, fuck!" Sirius shouted into the sky. It was perfect. Outdoors, alone, buried inside a man he knew since he was eleven.

Alive.

He set his tempo, hard enough to satisfy his needs but gentle enough not to hurt Remus. This was not a time for pain and dominance; this was time for love and pleasure. His grey eyes fixed themselves on Remus, who was still motionless and compliant. His eyes were barely able to stay open and he lost himself in the sensations. Sirius took his hands into his, still holding them above his head, and squeezed them tightly. He felt the way Remus' fingers closed weakly around his.

"Do you like it, Remus? I don't want to hurt you. I want this to be as good for you as it is for me."

"It's…perfect. It's all I've wanted since I was fifteen. Thank…you."

Sirius kissed him. "You are so welcome."

He continued with his steady pace until he knew neither could last much longer. The pleasure was insane, almost unbearable. Sirius thought of anything he could not to come. He forced images of Severus into his mind, mentally recited the order of Goblin rebellions by date backwards, thought of what Kreacher was probably up to back at the house. He seized the base of Remus' cock and squeezed, keeping him from cumming as well. Now, he was grateful for the winter air since his body was heating up from the exertion and his dick burned from the heat of the body he penetrated.

Finally, the end was too close to hold off any longer. He leaned over pressed his body against Remus' and went full throttle. His thrusts were hard and sharp, completely void of tempo as he was taken by the world of total ecstasy. Remus gave up his moans and pants and turned to screams. His voice shook the air as he abandoned all of his gentle, collected reserve. Sirius held him close, squeezing his body to his. He thrust once, twice, and then a third time before he came violently. He released his own scream into the sky as he emptied his sac into Remus. He released his hold on the base of Remus' cock and pumped him erratically, wanting to ensure they both felt such a powerful orgasm. It took almost no time before Remus released one last howl and erupted so hard that he shot cum all the way up so that it hit him and Sirius in the chin.

The raven-haired man let him collapse onto their makeshift blanket before leaning down to lick up all the cum from Remus' chin, chest, and abdomen. The werewolf raised a shaky hand, surprised that he could even do that. He wiped the semen off Sirius' face and neck and fed it to him. Sirius sucked hungrily on the fingers, eyes locked on Remus' glazed over ones.

Beautiful.

He removed himself from the soft body and felt wetness. He looked down to find that he had came so hard, his semen leaked out of Remus. But something else made him frown. Red was mixed with the white, dripping out and dried on the inside of his thighs. Had he made him bleed the previous two times and failed to notice?

"Sirius,"

He looked up, "Yes?"

"Hold me."

Sirius nodded and laid himself out next to him, pulling his body into his arms. He reached over to his wand and held it up. "Accio clothes."

His clothes lifted into the air and sailed to him. Sirius held his wand up a little longer until Remus' clothes levitated in from the darkness of the trees around them. He dressed them both as quickly as he could and wrapped Remus' cloak over them and let himself hold his lover, content.

The sky changed shades as dawn turned to day. From the dark purple of first daybreak, to a warm red and orange, to a clear blue. Sirius watched with fascinated eyes like he had never seen such a thing. Remus had fainted in his arms, nothing left to fight the pull of unconsciousness. Sirius wasn't concerned as Remus always fainted after the moon. He lay there, watching birds fly and squirrels climb trees, listening to his love's steady breathing.

Eventually, they had no choice but to return to the prison that was Grimmuald Place. Sirius took once last longing look at the forest before he apparated back to his home. Remus, who woke up when the nauseating feeling of apparating roused him, refused to let him drift back into depression. He had regained a little strength, enough to stay with Sirius while he cooked. They both ate more then usual having worked up an appetite that night.

"I wish I could come with you again." Sirius whispered as he and Remus finished their meal.

Remus wiped his mouth with a napkin and sighed. "As do I. But it was already a huge risk to bring you last night. And Dumbledore is not ignorant. I feel if we do it too much, he will catch on very quickly. We can only hope he didn't come by the house last night."

Sirius nodded, knowing there was no point in arguing. Maybe in a few more months he could venture out once more but their adventures had to be few and far between.

He chose not to dwell on the fact that he was trapped again, instead thinking about the wonderful night he just had. Barking, running, jumping, even chasing his own tail. Moony was excited and playful too, having missed his old friend. He wrestled and licked Padfoot all night, playing with him as though they were two puppies.

And of course, the sex. He shuddered with pleasure at the memory. That would be something that would happen every time for sure.

They stretched out on the couch and Remus dozed off quickly, head on Sirius' shoulder, who just kept replaying the night over and over. It was just a taste of what he needed but it would hold him over for now.

When nightfall came once more, he awoke Remus with a kiss.

"Moony will be looking for you tonight." Remus told him.

"And Padfoot will wish to be with him." Sirius replied as he led Remus to the door. "Soon, I will come again. I will end the loneliness that you feel every full moon."

Remus looked him dead in the eyes. "I am less lonely when I know that I have you to return to."

With that, he gave Sirius another kiss. It was deep, passionate, solid, and needing. Remus pushed his tongue into Sirius' open mouth, hands gasping onto his collar as though it were for dear life. Sirius put his arms around Remus' neck, holding onto him like he was his sanity. And then he realized that that was exactly what Remus was.

He should have been mad by now. He had every right to be. Hell, about two years ago he was completely nutters, muttering to himself, laughing hysterically at random times, and hallucinating as he fled the law. But as soon as Remus came back into his life, from that very moment when he burst into the bedroom of the shrieking shack, he regained himself. Remus was his anchor, holding him steady into the world of sanity and rationality rather then being sucked into the black hole that was madness.

But the kiss had to end. He reluctantly released Remus and watched as the man opened the door, breathing in the air and wrapping his robes tighter around him. Remus gave him one last kiss on the hand before stepping into the night and closing the heavy door behind him.

_Love is friendship set ablaze. Stick around for some insight on the tragic story which began the Harry Potter series. Reviews are appreciated! :)_


	10. Chapter 10

Anchor. Chapter 10

The night of the last full moon, Sirius' did not dream. Instead he remembered. His mind opened to things the twelve years of Dementors had oppressed.

"_Well, look who decided to stop by." James smiled brightly, opening the door to him. Sirius grinned back at him and stepped into the warm house._

_James had lost weight in the time he spent in his home, bound by the fideous charm. His jet black hair, always messy, was combed back as though done in a hurry. Even his clear hazel eyes seemed to have dulled._

"_I wanted to see how little Harry is doing." Sirius said, shrugging off his traveling cloak. James led him from the living room into the kitchen, where Lily sat at the table. Harry was curled in her lap, fat fingers playing with her fire engine red hair._

_She smiled at Sirius. "Hello, Padfoot. Long time no see."_

_Sirius reached down to hug her, "Been busy with the Order. I've been missing my godson." _

_Lily laughed and handed the chubby baby to him. Instantly, Harry opened his arms up to Sirius, an adorable smile on his face._

_Sirius played with him for about ten minutes as the young parents watched, pleased with the relationship between their son and his godfather. Finally, Lily announced that it was time to bathe and put Harry to bed. Sirius kissed the baby on his forehead and put him back in his mothers arms._

"_Would you like something to drink?" James asked._

"_What do you have?"  
>"Pumpkin juice, butterbeer, or something strong if you prefer that."<em>

"_Strong as you have."_

_They poured themselves a glass of scotch and clinked their glasses. "What's the news?" James asked._

"_Nothing different. Bodies are being discovered everywhere. But no end in sight."_

_James buried his face in his hands, groaning. "I'm afraid, Sirius. Truly afraid."_

_Sirius reached over and took James' hand, "Why, Prongs? You are safe here!"_

"_It doesn't matter! Voldemort wants Harry dead! He won't stop until he gets what he wants! My son is a little over a year old and he is already this close to death-"_

"_Enough!" Sirius interrupted sharply. "I will die before anything happens to you, Harry, or Lily! Dumbledore is on our side and he is the only one that Voldemort is afraid of. There is little he can do to Harry."_

_James shook his head, pushing his glasses back up his thin nose. "You already said it, bodies are showing up every where. He is doing quite a bit. And we all know that there is traitor in our midst, telling Voldemort everything we do."_

"_I've told you who the traitor is-"_

"_Why? You fail to give me a proper reason to justify why you believe Remus- our Moony- would betray me, my wife, and our son to the death."_

_Sirius leaned across the table, still holding James' hand in his. James was a relatively small man, standing much shorter then Sirius and Remus, so his hand was tiny in Sirius'. "Don't you see? He hoped for so much. Graduated top of our year. And as soon as he tries to start a life on his own, the ministry took it all from him with these anti-werewolf legislations. I truly believe he joined the Death Eaters as a spy in retaliation."_

"_Retaliation? Sirius, Remus is a good man. He has always been. Much better than you and I. He would never turn to the darkness."_

_James' voice was stern, marking the end of the discussion. Sirius took a deep gulp of his scotch._

"_All in all, Prongs, I'll never leave you."_

_James smiled, "I know. That's why you are my best mate, my brother, and the godfather of my child. I love you."_

"_I love you, too."_

_It was getting late so James walked him to the door, holding it wider then he should, breathing the crisp October air. _

"_Do you think it will work?"_

_Sirius clasped his traveling cloak around his neck. "What?"_

"_Making Peter the secret keeper. It's been a week but I still prefer it be you."_

_Sirius nodded, "No one will suspect Peter. That way, if the Death Eaters kill me, you will still be safe in the house. But no one can know that we switched. Not even Dumbledore. We cannot risk Remus finding out and relaying the information to the Dark Lord."_

_He gave James a tight, brotherly hug. _

"_Be safe, Padfoot."_

"_I will. I promise."_

_It was just the next night that Sirius discovered Peter missing. He immediately thought of Remus, assuming the werewolf had learned of their secret and murdered the short, fat man. He rushed to James' house to warn him and made the most horrific find of his life._

_The house was destroyed, Harry was crying in Hagrids arms, and James and Lily lay dead in the front lawn._

_Sirius landed his motorcycle and collapsed to his knees before James' body. He was so small in death, his hair was astray, his skin was blue and cold, his glasses were missing, and his eyes stared blankly up at the night sky._

_Sirius reached out slowly, hands trembling. He hoped with every fiber in his being that it was all about to disappear, that he would wake up in his bed._

_But to his terror, his fingers touched James cold, hard skin. Without a moment hesitation, Sirius released a shriek of grief as he pulled James into his lap._

_He wept for a few minutes until he remembered that this murder scene had a survivor. His damp eyes shot up to where Hagrid was still holding Harry, bent over in mourning. He carefully laid the corpse back on the grass beside his wife and crossed over to them. _

_Hagrid's black eyes landed on him. He was crying, too. "Oh, Sirius. I'm so sorry. I know what they were to you."_

_Sirius didn't respond. He wanted one thing. "Give Harry to me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him."_

_An argument ensued. Apparently Hagrid had orders to take Harry to Dumbledore. Sirius fought against him, needing Harry. He saw the strange lightening bolt shaped scar on the tiny forehead and sobbed. He was a piece of James and Lily, he couldn't let him go. Not when Remus was out in the night, searching for the boy._

_But then a thought hit him. No, Peter was the secret keeper. It was a possibility that Remus had killed Peter and rushed here to finish his murder spree, but suddenly it seemed unlikely. All he could think of was Remus, the kind, gentle man he knew for ten years. The one who was respectful to anyone, male or female, young or old, Gryffindor or Slytherin. The one who trusted himself fully to his friends when the full moon left his so weak he couldn't even raise his head. Suddenly, the mere thought of Remus' betraying them seemed unlikely. He remembered how everyone looked at him like a mad man when he proposed the theory but now he saw himself through their eyes. Remus wasn't the traitor._

_But Peter was._

_Peter was the one who was always afraid to do anything unless he knew what was in it for him. Peter was the one who immediately sought out the three most intelligent, big, brave students to protect him._

_Rage boiled within Sirius. He was angry at Peter for being a pathetic, unfaithful snake. He was angry at himself for losing trust in the most loyal, courageous man he knew and putting into one who couldn't even make himself go out at night unless someone was there to watch over him._

_So he left. He gave Hagrid his bike, eyes now pouring tears of rage, and left. He didn't know where to go, where to begin his search, but he knew Peter must die._

_During the night, he drifted in and out of known places that wizards gathered. He kept his face covered by a thick hood. He didn't want anyone to recognize him and warn Peter. Throughout the night, he heard whispers that Voldemort met his downfall as he attempted to take baby Harry's life. No one knew why but no one questioned it either. They celebrated and blessed the names of the fallen Potter family. Sirius didn't join in; he just slinked away in the darkness. This was no time for celebration. Yes, the most evil wizard to ever live was dead, but so were the only people he had left to call family. He thought of Remus was he trudged down the dark London streets; how could he possibly apologize to the werewolf? James had supported Remus financially since he was unable to apply for work due to the laws against his kind. Sirius decided then and there that he would buy the poor man whatever he needed. A flat, food, supplies. Remus would never want for anything._

_It was morning when finally Sirius found Peter. The small, tiny man jumped at the sight of Sirius tall, powerful body. The large man was insane in his grief and anger, chest heaving and teeth grinding. Peter looked around the crowded street nervously before turning back to Sirius. He began to sob, shrieking._

"_Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?"_

_Sirius, who was reaching for his wand to end the pathetic life before him, froze._

"_What the fuck do you mean?"_

_They had the attention of all the muggles around them now. Everyone was focused on them, whispering, pointing._

_And then, another horrid realization struck him. Only he, James, Lily, and Peter knew they had switched secret keepers. No one else. He would be accused and charged with this crime. And there was no evidence to prove otherwise. He was about to be convicted as a traitor._

_But before he could think anymore, a bright light erupted from behind Peter's heavy body, followed by a massive blast that near deafened Sirius. It was all so fast. One moment, they were screaming at each other, next moment, Peter was gone and thirteen muggles lay dead around him inside the massive crater that had formed from the explosion._

_He saw Peter's severed finger on the ground among the destruction and laughed. It wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all. But he didn't know what else to do. He laughed at the irony of the situation. He laughed at his own foolish mistake. He laughed at the fate that he was about to face._

_His laugh was different from the bark like one he developed after becoming an animagus. It was high pitched and hysterical. He kept on laughing until the aurors came and took him away._

Sirius shot up. His face was streamed with tears. It was so long since he let his mind recall the worse moments of his life. His heart felt like it was about to tear itself out of his chest, just to be free of the pain. At that moment, not for the first time, Sirius wished he was laying cold and dreamless beneath the ground with James and Lily.

_Sleep is the cousin of death. The dream is kin to your last breath. Please review!_


	11. Chapter 11

Anchor. Chapter 11

"Sirius."

He grumbled and turned over. He was aware that his shoulder was pressing into a hard flat surface but couldn't think to get up.

"Sirius, get up. Come on."

Soft, gentle hands shook his shoulder until he had no option but to look up at the one disturbing his slumber.

Tonks stared down on him with her soft grey eyes, the only thing she shared with the Black family. "The floor can't be comfortable. Let's get you up."

Her voice was soft as she pulled the drunken man up into a sitting position. His dazed eyes looked around his surroundings to find that he was in the kitchen.

"How did I get here?" he slurred, blood alcohol still too high.

Tonks pulled a handkerchief from her robe and began cleaning the sweat off his forehead, "I do not know. You must have passed out drunk." She motioned to the empty bottle of vodka that lay beside him, cracked from its fall to the floor. "Can't say that I'm not flattered that you seem to like my gift." She smiled warmly and he couldn't help but return it.

She helped him up and into a chair at the dining table. He sat down slowly, body aching. His mind was throbbing as the aftereffect of his night of binge drinking over took him. Tonks saw his pain and smiled. She was a young twenty-one year old, she knew what it was like to be piss-drunk and figured Sirius himself had experienced plenty of mornings like this.

"Do you want something to eat? Help to sober you up." She offered, standing. She wasn't much of a cook, but living alone had forced her to at least be able to produce meager meals.

Sirius declined, not wanting to have to silence his mother when Tonks knocked pots and pans over or risk his stomach betraying him. "Thank you though. You're too kind."

She responded with a youthful laugh, "Sirius, don't be silly! Family looks after family." She playfully slapped his shoulder but in his drunken haze he was no fool. She was in such a good mood because she hoped to see someone.

"What brings you tonight?" Sirius asked, knowing the answer.

Immediately, Tonks blushed. She was a pretty girl and the rose color that was appearing in her cheeks only added to her appeal but at the moment it instantly aggravated Sirius.

"Oh, I just know that last night was the full moon. I kind of wanted to…you know…"

His eyes narrowed. "No. I don't. What?" He fought to keep his voice steady but the words were sharper then he intended. All the kindness she just displayed was insignificant now.

She laughed awkwardly to break the tension, "Oh, don't be thick, cousin! I hoped to check on Remus."

The silence was thick as Sirius stared at her. Her hair was red today and flowing down her shoulders. Molly once commented that she looked like a Weasley when she chose this look. But to Sirius, she looked like a young girl who was Tonks' age when she was murdered fourteen years ago.

Tonks must have known she had over stepped her boundaries because she stopped smiling and bit her thin lip. "Is that okay with you? I mean, is he okay?"

"He's fine." Sirius snapped. Honestly, he didn't know. After awaking from his nightmare, he went straight to the liquor cabinet in his kitchen. He hoped that Remus had made it home safe and was suddenly sick with himself for not even thinking to stay sober long enough for him to come home.

He stood and the slender young woman followed suit, reaching out to grasp his arm in case he fell. There was hardly any need for that as he had more balance drunk than she did sober.

"I didn't offend you, did I?" she pressed on as they made their way up the narrow stairs.

Sirius shook his head, trying to think of a way to play off his jealousy. The last thing he needed was a loud mouthed, gossip loving young woman to suspect anything.

"No, not at all. It's just that Remus doesn't like company when he is ill. He is asleep, I assure you. Don't you worry."

"Are you sure there is nothing I can do-"

"He's fine." Sirius shot at her, his temper betraying him once more. "I will get him whatever he needs."

It was irrational. There was no chemistry between Remus and Tonks, no need to worry. It should have been like last time when he merely found her affection amusing. Maybe it was the liquor, but now he wanted her out of his house and out of Remus' life.

Tonks jerked back at the ferocity of his voice. She and Sirius had gotten along quite well, so much so that before he realized his love for a certain werewolf, he found her quite cute. He even thought that maybe if the times were different, he would attempt to be with her (she was only his second-cousin after all).

Tonks knew that her welcome had expired. Sirius thanked her for waking him and getting him off the floor but held the door in an obvious 'get out'. Once she was gone, he carried himself as quickly as he could without stumbling up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Please be inside. Please be inside. Please be inside." He repeated over and over.

He pushed the door open and peeked his head in and released a sigh of relief. Remus lay in the bed, safe and sound as he should be.

He must have heard the creek of the door because his tired eyes slipped open. He gave a soft smile, "Sirius…" he breathed.

Sirius smiled, painfully aware of his alcohol breath and unshaven face. "Good morning, Remus."

He knelt before the bed and took Remus' hand in his and kissed it. He saw a small scar along the knuckle and frowned. It wasn't one of worry, the small was scar and old, but one of remembrance. James had a similar scar on his hand.

Sirius flashed back to his nightmare, remembering the weight of his best mates hand in his. He squashed the memory by leaning down to kiss Remus. The werewolf accepted the kiss happily, and moved over to allow him room to lay down. He fell back into his deep slumber as soon as he could feel the warmth of the animagus beside him. Sirius tucked his face into the scarred shoulder and let exhaustion take him too.

It must have been late afternoon when he was awoken by someone pulling roughly on him.

"Hey!" he snarled, fighting against the force. His thin shirt was practically torn off his body by a fully awake werewolf.

"Remus, what are you doing?"

He was cut off as Remus pulled Sirius to him by wrapping his arms around his neck and maneuvering him on top of his naked body and pressed his lips to his hard.

"Eager?" Sirius grinned at his nudeness once he was released from the intense, close-lipped kiss, immediately free of any thought of sleep. He hadn't considered sex the day after the full moon but he was in no way considering turning it down. When he was younger, he found that the best time to shag was right after waking.

Remus gave him another peck on the lips and nodded his head, "That and I just was too hot to keep my clothes on tonight. Didn't think you'd mind."

Sirius chuckled and burrowed his face in Remus neck. The small man smelled the alcohol and held him tight to his body as he rolled them onto their sides. Sirius' grunted at the action but Remus merely laughed. "Poor thing. You can't hold your liquor anymore."

His taunting voice was like music to Sirius' ears as he ran his hands over Sirius' now bare chest.

"If only you knew how much I drank." Sirius grumbled. Remus cupped his cheeks, kissing him, nothing tender about it. Sirius tried to slow it down by running his tongue across the tightly closed lips but his request for entrance was denied.

"Quite a bit, hm? Well then, you must be in no condition to play daddy tonight, don't you think?" He pulled his body up and kneeled on the bed above Sirius, straddling his hips, as he tried to get up too.

Remus pushed him back down sharply. Suddenly, he was almost as strong as he used to be prior to Sirius' incarceration. "Stay down, love. I would rather you not make me get….forceful."

Sirius obeyed, looking up into Remus' eyes. Clear yellow. Shouldn't they be amber again by now? He wondered, truly frightened, if the wolf in Remus was still awake, still clawing to get the edge. To break free of the prison that held him all but three nights a month.

Sirius laid down, with a small nod. It didn't seem like a good idea to aggravate Moony, not now. The brunette ran his hands all over Sirius, revealing his nails were still long and sharp. He smiled, fangs flashing.

"Shit." Sirius whispered, understanding. He was in no true danger but he could see that Moony had been tempted that night when they ran together and the tease must have annoyed him because now he was here to receive his prize. Remus- no, Moony- was the predator tonight; Sirius was the game.

"What are you going to do, Remus?" he asked, voice shaking. Never in all of his life had he been in this position. Sirius felt the hold on his chest intensify. These powerful hands somehow belonged to the same man who just a few nights ago was weak and complaint in his arms, totally at his mercy.

"I know what I want. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes….I know what I want." His voice was a dangerous mix between a low growl and a seductive purr. Sirius released an involuntary moan.

"Ah, I think you may want the same thing as I do." Remus pushed his shoulders to the bed, holding fast. "Tell me, Sirius. What do you think I am about to do?"

"You…" his voice faded, nervous. He had never been submissive in all his life.

"Yes?" Remus prompted, eyes gleaming like a wolf about to maul it's prey. He was just as beautiful like this as he was when we was defenseless.

"You are going to fuck me."

The words seemed foreign coming from him. He was near trembling now, not just from fear but also from excitement. His dick was beginning to stir, answering to the call of his master.

"That sounded like an order. That's not right. Ask me to. Just like you made me."

Sirius groaned, struggling against the hands that gave no leeway. He wasn't trying to escape, just test the strength of his restraints. There was no breaking free.

Remus leaned down so close his lips grazed Sirius', fangs tracing lines across the soft pink flesh. "Didn't catch that."

Sirius gave up all his fears, gave up his worries, and panted six powerful words that made Remus' eyes darken and the hungry smile of a predator cross his face.

"Please, Remus. Fuck me. Take me."

_Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce... dominant Remus!_


	12. Chapter 12

_This time I want to put my little note at the top for my loyal readers (Eva, Summer, and Luna) who has expressed that they do not like the angle that I took in the previous chapter. I read my reviews and PM's often so that I can take this story in a direction that will keep you satisfied. Though I couldn't completely erase dom-Remus, I feel you will like how I edited it. So feel free to check this chapter out and let me know how you feel :) thanks for reading! Keep up with the reviews!_

Anchor. Chapter 12.

As a grown man, Sirius learned lessons well. He didn't regret the night he spent with Remus in the woods and still hoped there would be more, but he now knew the consequences. He tempted the wolf, practically holding a hunk of raw meat before the beast, and he had paid for it. The wolfsbane potion made him more human on the outside but the werewolf inside had been growing anxious, impatient.

The morning after the wolf took him, his arse protested every single movement he made. Remus had left to go back to the werewolf tunnels but he left breakfast, some tea, and a small goblet of pain medication on the bedside table.

He couldn't deny that he action of being submissive was enjoyable as he had barely lasted a few minutes before he convulsed but it was the aftereffects that he was unwilling to face. The pain was insignificant; it was the feeling of being weak that ate at him. He spent all his time around the house, cleaning and cooking like a housewife, so the thought of being fucked like one too was just too much. And to add to his annoyance, Remus had hidden his alcohol.

Another meeting was called three days after Valentines day, finally bringing Remus back home. They couldn't have a proper reunion before they were all whisked into the kitchen.

Sirius heard little of what was said, his eyes were fixed on his recent object of desire. Remus seemed to be back to normal, eyes amber, fangs and nails dull, but he remembered all too well the monster that he was just a few weeks ago.

Severus kept talking about Harry's progress in the occlumency lessons, though Sirius suspected he was editing everything to make the boy seem thick and ignorant. He wanted to speak up but he knew that Remus and Dumbledore would immediately silence him.

"And the most recent attack has been very difficult to cover up…" Kingsley added. Sirius, who didn't even realize they were on a different topic, suddenly jerked to attention.

"Attack?" he couldn't help but let his eyes scan Remus, looking for wounds.

"Weren't you paying attention?" Severus sneered, condescending. "Mudungus was cornered attempted to get to his vault in Gringotts."

"Was he trying to steal anything?"

"No," Remus answered, "He was actually just trying to get into his vault this time. It was Dolohov and Stebbins. Both known Death Eaters but they were wearing Ministry robes."

"We do not know if they stole the robes or have actually been giving Ministry jobs, but it seems that we cannot trust anyone other then ourselves." McGonagall said. Her aging face was set as she looked around the table darkly. Sirius knew the look in her eyes too well. It was the same one he once had when he looked upon his fellow Order members. It was a look of suspicion.

"How is Dung?" Sirius asked as the meeting ended and the guest made to leave.

"He is okay. He sent a flare up into the main lobby of the bank that was hard for even the most ministry loving official to ignore. They went down and rescued him." Remus assured him.

"He was subjected to some interrogation but he swears he didn't tell them anything. I do not know if I believe that." Kingsley added, deep voice booming.

"Nothing happened to you right?" Sirius whispered to Remus, who gave a small smile and shook his head. "Nothing. The past few weeks have been rather uneventful for me."

One by one the guests left- Tonks gave Remus a kiss on the cheek before shooting her cousin a sniffy look- until finally it was just them again.

Remus broke the silence immediately, leaning against the table and pulling at the fibers of his frayed robe. "Sirius, I feel I should apologize for my behavior before I left."

Leave it to Remus to take the blame for what was as much out of his hands as it was Sirius'.

"It was reckless of me to let the wolf out like that. Ever since I began taking that damned potion it sometimes attempts to break out of me."

"Remus, please don't worry about it. It would not be right of me to let you apologize for something that I have done to you several times."

Remus shook his head, frowning. "No, it's not the same. It should have been different. I should have taken more time to insure that you liked it as much as I did."

There had been almost no foreplay. As soon as Sirius asked for it, Remus had rolled him over and took him in one thrust. The intensity of it was both painful and pleasurable.

Sirius closed the distance between them and held Remus against his chest. The man immediately succumbed to the hold, pressing his temple into the warm shoulder. "It was an…interesting experience. But we both know how we like the sex. Do you like it when I take you?"

Remus nodded. He didn't just like it, he loved it. There was nothing more intimate to him then allowing Sirius into his body, trusting the man. He didn't think that the connection stopped with the blending of their flesh; when Sirius was within him, filling him, making him whole, he felt as though their souls mixed as well.

"Did you like it when you took me?"

This one made Remus think. He couldn't deny that he enjoyed it; he would be a downright liar if he tried to. But he didn't feel the same erotic sensation of trust; his attention wasn't focused on the inside, but the outside. And he didn't like the guilt after.

"I did. But I prefer you in me."

Sirius pulled his head up and kissed him softly, letting his hands drift down the delicate shoulders. "Good. Do you know what it feels like when I am inside you?"

"Tell me."

"It feels like I am the most loved man on earth. Even when I got rough with you, it touched me. You showed me then that your love for me is unconditional. That you cannot accept both the pain and the pleasure that I give you. That you can accept me.

"That morning in the woods was simply unbelievable. I used to hate when the women I was with would just lay there but with you it gave me a sense of power that I can't even define. To lay down and let me do as I pleased, I can never thank you enough for that." Sirius explained, lips grazing Remus'. He still knew in the back of his mind that that event is what resulted in Remus' sudden dominance but he also knew that Remus would never allow the wolf to hurt him again.

They kissed again, and again, and again, until Sirius leaned Remus back onto the table and took his place between his legs. There was nothing rushed about this, nothing demanding. It wasn't an act to prelude or initiate sex but to heal the wounds in Sirius' ego and Remus' conscious. Their tongues rolled against each other, wrestling sensually, and their teeth bit lightly on each other's lips.

Just as Remus' legs were wrapping around Sirius' waist, there was a small knock. Both men jumped like they had been electrocuted and turned to find that Severus and Kingsley had ventured back down the stairs and were staring in shock at the sight before them. Remus Lupin on his back on the kitchen table, legs and arms holding tightly onto Sirius Black, who was bent over him as they engaged in a _passionate_ snog.

Kingsley cleared his throat, uncomfortable. He had never had a problem with gay men, he just chose not to acknowledge that part of their lives. But there was no pretending he didn't just see that. "Dumbledore wanted me to tell Remus that he will need you to come by Hogwarts tomorrow. I was supposed to say it earlier but I must have forgotten."

Remus and Sirius didn't move, still frozen in shock. They couldn't possibly deny exactly what they were doing. Kingsley had always been a tolerant man, not as much as Remus or the Headmaster, but enough that they knew he wouldn't react badly. The one that worried them was the greasy haired, hook nosed man whose face had split into a sick grin.

"I," he spoke finally in his annoyingly slow voice, "was just coming to tell the wolf that he could floo into my office when he comes. Didn't mean to…interrupt."

Sirius couldn't stand the look on Severus' face. It was one of a man who just gained a new weapon. He thought of Remus' flooing into the potion master office and imagined all the things that would be said to him.

"I believe he could go straight into Dumbledore's office. No reason to be alone with you." He snapped, finally releasing his hold on Remus and turning to the man. Kingsley stepped forward; he hadn't known these men for long but he had learned enough to know that they wouldn't hesitate to attack each other.

Remus stood too, gripping the back of Sirius' shirt. He didn't want a fight here, he just wanted to be alone with Sirius and to pretend that no one knew. For a brief, absurd moment, he considered wiping their memories.

Severus' reply was as cocky as the last, "Well, Black, if you were to ever leave the safety of your house you would see that things are changing at Hogwarts. The fires in Dumbledore's office is being watched. But I wouldn't want you to risk getting dirty so feel free to hide out here."

"You-"

"Enough!" Remus intervened. His voice was hard and stern. "Severus, I have the message now so if you do not need to linger here any longer. Kingsley, please, if you don't mind."

Kingsley nodded and put a hand on Severus' shoulder. The black haired man nodded and gave one last look to the two men before following the auror out.

Remus was blushing so hard that his whole face had turned red. He groaned and let his head fall down. Sirius hooked his fingers under Remus' chin and pulled it up. "You are too beautiful to keep your head down."

Remus didn't reply. Embarrassment was filling every crevice of his being. It was one thing to be caught snogging with a man, but an entirely different thing when you are obviously the submissive- feminine- one. One could only imagine what was going through their minds.

"It was bound to get out eventually, Remus. I have no intention of ending what I have with you and we couldn't hide it forever."

"Just not now, Sirius. Not in the midst of the war when I have to face and work along side these men."

Sirius' eyes narrowed, "Are you ashamed? Are you ashamed of what we do?"

"No!" Remus' yelped. "We are doing nothing wrong. But it looked bad…on me. I'm already a poor, sickly wolf. Now they will add queer to that title."

He thought of the years of rejection he had been subjected to due to his affliction. Pointing, staring, people calling him a monster. He found no shame in what he did with Sirius, but in the way it would be viewed.

"And I am a convicted mass-murderer who betrayed his friends to the death. I can't even walk out of my house due to the bounty on my head. This will not look good on me either. But do not show that it bothers you. Snivellus-"

"Don't call him that."

"-will leap on the first thing he sees can upset you. If you love me as much as you say, as much as I love you, then you will see that it doesn't matter what others think of us."

He gave him another kiss to prove the legitimacy of his words. Remus took in everything he said and nodded, "You're right."

Sirius smirked, trying to lighten the mood "Aren't I always?"

"Don't be a git!" Remus playfully slapped his arm and was rewarded a deep kiss. Before they knew it they were spread back on the table where they were prior to the interruption. Sirius' hand began pulling at Remus' clothes.

"Right here? Don't you think that we should get to the bed?"

Sirius growled, licking up and down Remus' exposed neck. "Too far."

He removed the garment and began working at the opposing belt.

"We could be seen…" even his decent, collected mind was beginning not to care as his nerve ends tingled in response to each lick and kiss.

"They are gone now. I heard the door close. And besides, weren't you the one who wanted in the woods? At least here we at least know the people, no total strangers."

Once the belt was off, Sirius removed the trousers and underwear, leaving Remus bare from the waist down, clad only in an old faded button-up shirt. He grinned, "And you are already hard for me."

Remus smiled back, unable to deny it since he was now sticking straight up, spurred by his intense arousal in the man before him.

"I suppose I am. What are you going to do about it?"

Sirius examined his lovers body. He was several pounds lighter then when he left. Usually, he would frown at this but now he figured he could at least take advantage of it.

He unzipped his pants and pulled his own cock out. "Stroke it. Make me hard."

Remus complied and wrapped his long, thin hand around the thick member, stroking at a slow but steady pace. He ran his thumb along the slit, spreading the drops of pearly white pre-cum that was seeping out.

"Spit on it." Sirius demanded, burying his hand in Remus' hair. It felt better being on the ordering end, instead of the one who obeyed.

Remus spat onto the tip and rubbed it all over the length, getting it wet. He watched the way the sensitive skin glimmered in the light, feeling his own erection grow painfully hard.

Just as he went to deep throat, Sirius leaned down and kissed Remus' forehead. "You ready?"

Remus nodded and began to turn so he was bent over the table but Sirius grabbed his arm and stopped him. "No. Let me."

With that, he grabbed Remus just below his arms and heaved him up. Instinctually, Remus wrapped his legs around Sirius' waist for support. He loved the amount of strength that Sirius had and how his muscles flexed and bunched as he positioned Remus just above his cock.

Slowly, he lowered the man onto him, impaling his body. Remus moaned, unused to the angle. He wrapped his arms around the powerful shoulders, head burying itself in the nape of his neck.

"Damn, it's so deep." Sirius' voice was raspy as he focused on everything. The feel of Remus' stubbly chin against his neck, the way his fingers clutched at his t-shirt, the squeeze of the legs that encased his waist, the pressure and heat that sent pulses from his dick all the way through every cell of his body.

It was a bit exhausting to bounce Remus up and down but it intensified the pleasure. Any man who said he didn't want to feel masculine and in control during sex was a damn liar.

Remus fit well into the submission role that he had abandoned last time. He released streams of soft, breathy moans that were reminiscent of a woman's but still had the charm that was distinctively his. His words were low but they spoke of love, desire, and sex; ranging in vocabulary from his typical intelligent words to obscene, filthy ones that sounded foreign and sexual from his beautiful mouth.

"Oh, Sirius. Just like that. Please, please, please don't stop! Fuck. You're so strong…so strong." With that, he pulled back enough to lift one of Sirius' arms. "Flex it."

Sirius grinned playfully. He flexed his bicep and Remus leaned over to kiss the hard bulge. His skin tingled in that spot that the lips touched and his cock stabbed even deeper into the heat, drawing a sharp gasp.

"You okay?" he didn't want to hurt him.

"Yes!"

"Are you sure? I want-"

"JUST FUCK ME!"

It was a pure miracle that his mother didn't wake and start screaming but somehow Remus' plea went unheard by everyone except the man who was determined to give him all the pleasure and ecstasy he could handle.

He repositioned his hands so they cupped the tight arse and continued to move Remus up and down. He didn't need to reach for Remus' cock since the heat of being rubbed between their stomachs and friction of their shirts was making him leak all over them.

When it was too much, Sirius threw his head back and released a cry as he came. Remus attacked his open mouth, reincorporating the movements that Sirius had made within him with his tongue. As soon as he was milked dry, Sirius placed the man back on his feet and dropped to his knees, sucking him in.

Remus tried to hold back, wanting to prolong the sensations but it wasn't long before his seed was shot down the awaiting throat.

"Sirius….Sirius." he panted, leaning against the table for the support. His knees were weak and his chest was heaving. All he wanted was to be back in his lovers arms.

Sirius cleaned up the sticky mess they made with a quick non-verbal spell and smiled at the man before him. "Good?"

"Great."

Sirius climbed to his feet and kissed Remus, letting him taste his cum. "I like it like that." Remus said, running his hand across the prickly jaw. Sirius smiled. "I like it whenever I get to make you scream with pleasure."

"You always make me scream. Everytime you take control, you leave me breathless and satisfied. No wonder you always had so many women following you around."

Sirius guided Remus from the kitchen to the living room, where they curled together on the same couch that they fell asleep on the day after the full moon. He pulled Remus into his lap and breathed in the spicy scent that he would never tire of. Neither bothered to dress so they lay only in the clothes that they had been in too much of a rush to remove; their shirts and Sirius' unzipped pants that had been pulled down around his hips.

"So," he whispered. "Since Kingsley, Snivellus, and I reckon Dumbledore know about us…..how long until we tell Harry?"

"You really want him to know?" Remus looked surprised. He had expected Sirius to want to hide secrets like this from the boy who still didn't know him very well.

"Hell yes! I love that kid. And I know you do too. When- if my name is cleared, I want him to move in. It seems like it would be ridiculous to try to hide it when he lives here with us."

Remus nodded, "True. But Harry has seen so much, suffered far too much for his age. If only you had seen how powerful the Dementors effect is on him. I do not know how wise it would be to tell him now about us. We should give him time."

"He is almost sixteen!" Sirius argued. "In a little over a year, he will be of age. I want to raise my godson, if we wait too long he will already be starting his own life!"

Remus could tell that Sirius was passionate about wanting Harry to move in. The very night he cleared he convinced Harry of his innocence, he proposed the idea. Remus remembered the giant smile that split Sirius' starved, wasted face when Harry not only accepted, but also was ecstatic at the thought.

He couldn't stand to take that smile and joy away so he gave Sirius another deep kiss. "This summer. Instead of him moving in with those God-awful muggles, he'll comes here. And then we tell him. Sound like a plan?"

Sirius grinned. "Yes. And then we can be a family. Me, you, and him."

Remus laughed, "Now, how will I keep you occupied until then?"

"Oh, I think I know a way. Do you think you handle a round two?"

"And what room should we defile this time?"

Sirius' eyes were mischievous, "I think we should see how many we can mark today, don't you think?"

"Sounds brilliant."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Sirius sat at the table, fingers tapping irritably on the hard wood that he had made love next to just the previous day. Kreachers was in the next room, crying over his mothers bloomers. He tried to ignore him but his sobs became wails so he turned and bellowed, "KREACHER, GO AWAY!"

The tears continued as the elf scurried up the stairs and Sirius hoped he would go missing for a week or two just like on Christmas break. He put his head down on the table and sighed.

Remus had been gone for a total of three hours and seventeen minutes and Sirius had reduced himself to pacing his house and checking the time until he finally had to sit down with a bottle of wine, the only alcohol that Remus had sparred from his purge. He knew Hogwarts was like a warzone now, apparently the werewolf-hating toad Umbridge was taking over and he tried not to imagine what she might do if she found him there.

Seconds passed, minutes, hours. Time was moving at a horridly slow pace, each tick of his pocket watch taunted him. He felt himself grow sick with worry and longing. He had accepted that whenever Remus was gone he would feel sick to his stomach due to the severity in which he missed him but today it as worse then before. He started making dinner without any domestic spells just to keep his mind busy when the flames in the fireplace were nearly dead erupted in a fury of green. Sirius threw down his ladle and stood before the fireplace until Remus finally stepped out, brushing ash off his patched shoulder.

"You didn't have to wait up."

"I didn't want to rest until you came home."

"It couldn't be an enjoyable wait-"

Sirius silenced him with a kiss full on his lips. "I do not mind. How was it?"

Remus pulled off his cloak and draped it over the back of a chair. "Dumbledore believes that Harry is playing with fire with the organization he formed. He is directly disobeying the decrees set by Umbridge-" Sirius noted the bitterness in Remus' voice as he spoke her name "- and he feels that she will seek the highest punishment possible if she were to discover him. Dumbledore says that she has many spies in that school."

Sirius sneered at this, "What does it matter? She won't teach them anything but hatred against half-breeds so someone needs to step up and show the students how to defend themselves."

"But this could result in his expulsion. Sirius, the last thing we need is for Harry to be removed from Hogwarts. His name is already being ran through the dirt daily with this damned propaganda that the _Daily Prophet_ is printing, this will just add fuel to the fire."

Remus took a seat at the table and took a swig straight from the bottle of wine. Sirius sat down next to him, hand on his thigh in a domestic manner. "It's not like he has no where to go to. I have a house here with everything he needs."

"His future will be shot without finishing his education. His inheritance from James and Lily will only hold him so long. He can not be expelled. You know this."

"I do. But I cannot help but want him to be ready for everything out there."

Remus laid his hand over his and gave him an understanding smile, "I know. But Harry had thwarted Voldemort four times already even though he is only fifteen. He knows what to do."

Sirius nodded, seeing the wisdom in Remus' words. He was always so rational and reasonable. He couldn't help but wonder how Remus managed to never let his emotions or personal preferences get in the way of anything.

"Ah, you have dinner cooking?" Remus said, smiling. He was so hungry that he was starting to get a headache so the smell of the lamb and rice stew that Sirius had on the stove brightened his mood considerably.

They talked of their day while they ate. Apparently Remus was nearly sighted by Umbridge but a door appeared out of nowhere, providing him with a closet to take cover in.

"I can't figure out how we never found it!" Remus exclaimed, laughing. "We combed that school for years."

"I think that might be where James and I hid from Slughorn once. We never did find that room again."

They reminisced about their youth, remembering all the things that they did. The wine made everything a little more humorous then before, resulting in them collapsing into a fit laughter when Sirius brought up the first time Lily hexed James. It was in their third year and he had followed her around non-stop for over a week, begging for a date. Eventually, she turned around and struck him with a hex that made resulted in his mouth sealing shut for four hours.

"Do you remember their wedding?" Remus asked, cheeks red from his drunkenness.

"Oh, yes. James was so nervous he actually cried while I helped him into his tux. But when he looked at her….wow."

Wow was the right word. All James fears and nervousness faded away when Lily began her walk down the aisle. Sirius was the best man so he stood next to James. While everyone looked at Lily, who radiated with beauty and the secret of James' child growing deep within her, he looked at James with a proud, brotherly smile on his face.

"I remember how in love they were. It was unbelievable." Remus took another sip.

Sirius smiled at him. "You were already in love with me by that time weren't you?"

"Yes. I had begun to understand what I felt for you. At the wedding, I rarely took my eyes off you. I wasn't thinking about marriage or anything so final but I was considering what it would be like to just…have a relationship with you. To just call you mine."

He had a small grin on his face as he remembered looking at Sirius as he laughed when the minister said he may kiss the bride. James went in with such enthusiasm that Lily stumbled back from the force. He joined in on the laughter but in his mind he imagined standing in the woods with Sirius who kissed and held him with the same desperation and desire.

His flashback was ended when he felt Sirius' lips on his cheek. It was such a tender touch that his heart nearly skipped a beat.

"I remember thinking that it would never be me." He whispered into Remus' neck. "I thought marriage and love was one of those things that I would avoid my whole life. I preferred taking girls home and saying goodbye to them an hour or two later. But I was wrong."

Neither had moved so Sirius' lips were grazing Remus' cheek as he spoke. The werewolf could feel his warmth.

"You were wrong?"

"Well, I know that was we have is still new- to me, at least. And I know that I will never be able to marry you. But I really feel I am in love. I never thought I would ever fall for anyone especially not this quickly, but I never imagined wanting to wake up next to someone and then make them breakfast in bed. _Especially _not with a man."

Remus turned and looked him right in the eye. Such beautiful eyes. Such a handsome, tormented man.

Sirius eyes were deep and dark, reminding Remus of the quiet before a storm. His skin was very pale since he wasn't allowed to leave other then his roof, but it was a beautiful type of pale. Kind of like fresh snow or fluffy clouds. It made a breathtaking contrast with his shoulder length raven-black hair.

Sometimes he couldn't believe how much Sirius had changed in the span in which they had known each other. They met when Sirius was a tall, gangly eleven-year-old boy. He was never truly awkward but he sometimes would have soreness in his joints or stumble over his own feet due to his growth spurt. Over the years, he went from a boy to a teenager seamlessly. Quidditch caused his chest and arms to fill out beautifully as he towered over all the other boys his age and Remus was far from the only to notice. Girls followed Sirius like a fan girls, gawking over his charm, muscles, and handsome face. Remus and James didn't hit puberty like that. Both stayed skinny though James stopped growing at fifteen and Remus ended being tall and thin, his body reminding himself of a wand.

When they reunited two years ago, Sirius was a shell of what he was. Bone thin, dirty, mad. He hadn't bathed in years so dirt clung to him so tightly it looked at though they would never see his skin again. His teeth were yellowed from the rats he had been forced to live on and his hair fell to his shoulders in a long, matted mass.

The saddest part was how his bones protruded worse then Remus' ever had. He was several stones underweight, causing him to teeter where he stood. Remus had known a life of starvation and hunger but never to the extent that Sirius displayed.

Now, he was somewhere in between he was just prior to his arrest and the reunion. He had the body of his youth back, save the loss of a few pounds, and he was almost as handsome as he used to be. But he still had the shadow of twelve years of torture. It showed its ugly face in the dark circles under his eyes that spoke of endless nightmares. In the crevices at the edges of his lips due to the little amount of time in which he spent with a true reason to smile. In the way he seemed unable to control his emotions. Deep in his heart, Remus knew no matter how long he lived, no matter how much he was loved, that darkness would never go away.

He turned and kissed Sirius deeply. "I have had several lovers but none in which I could fully commit too. I think they knew it. Though we never spoke of it, they all knew that my heart belonged to another."

"All women?"

"There was one man I believe I fancied not long before I took my position at Hogwarts but in the end he wasn't willing to accept me for being a man and a werewolf."

Sirius frowned. Who the hell was this? "Did I know him?"

Remus shook his head, "He was an Australian wizard. Just over here for some long-term ministry business. "

The werewolf raised his glass once more before he saw the look on Sirius' face.

"What?"

"Did you kiss him?" he asked sharply.

Remus was slightly taken aback. He knew this conversation would result in awkwardness when it finally came out but he didn't expect the venom in Sirius' eyes.

"Er- well. Yes, I did."

"How many times?"

"Shit, Sirius, I don't know. I didn't exactly make tick marks for each one."

"Did you _shag _him?"

"What the hell does it matter?" Remus demanded, annoyed now. Sirius had had multiple girlfriends at once time for most of his free life; how could he seriously be jealous about an almost-relationship.

Sirius' eyes widened at this answer. "Are you kidding me? You have been with a man before me?" the anger in his voice was gone now, replaced by hurt. He remembered the stab of pain when girl he lost his virginity to left him at the start of his sixth year.

Remus turned to face him full on, taking his hands in his. "No, no, no, no. Sirius, we didn't shag I promise. I just don't understand why it matters. I am with you now and that is everything I want. Dalton doesn't matter. Just you."

Sirius nodded, though he couldn't get the thought out of his mind. He was disturbed knowing that another man had held Remus' affection, even kissed his soft, thin lips, though it was only for a short time. He didn't consider himself gay because he didn't lust for any man other then Remus and he had seen Remus as being the same way, but now he had to rethink that. Maybe Remus really was a homosexual. But it didn't matter. All Sirius knew is that this man must have been a damn fool not to see the catch that Remus was.

"Do you believe me?" Amber eyes searched the grey ones. Sirius nodded, slowly.

That night, he dreamed of Remus lying in the old, broken bed that he had in the cottage he inherited from his parents. At first, he was alone but then a man entered the room, totally nude. He was shorter but wider then Sirius and he had an arrogant air to him as he crawled into bed with Remus and took him into his clumsy arms, not knowing how to expertly handle the delicate work of art laid out before him. Sirius watched from the end of the bed, disgusted but unable to look away as Remus- his Remus- was ravaged and tossed around in the large, fat arms. So different from his own. Finally, just as the man finished stripping Remus of his clothes and had spread his legs enough to penetrate him, it changed.

The bed was larger and dressed in a thick red quilt. Remus was still naked and on his back, but now instead of being entered by Dalton, he held his rock hard cock straight up as Sirius' own second cousin, Nymphadora Tonks, lowered herself onto it, moaning in a way Sirius never would.

Sirius shot up in the bed, somehow not waking the man who lay next to him. He gagged, fighting not to let that horrible image bring his dinner back up.

_I was never a Nymphadora/Remus fan. Not at all. Well, maybe that is why I spend every waking moment of my life trying to build the complex web which is his relationship with Sirius. _


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14.

Dumbledore's flight came as a shock to everyone. Sure, everyone knew of the students self proclaimed "Dumbledore's Army" but no one expected the Headmaster to stand up in front of the Minister, Umbridge, and his minions (save Kingsley) and accept responsibility for their actions.

"It came as a surprise to me as well, Sirius," the Headmaster smiled over a cup a tea. He seemed to be enjoying the way Sirius gaped stupidly at him.

"This- this _just_ happened?"

"I dear say so. Do you think I would here in such an informal manner had I not been on the run from the Minister of Magic?"

They sat in the drawing room and sipped tea. Dumbledore hummed a tune to himself pleasantly while Sirius debated whether or not to simply erupt in questions.

Finally, one slipped out. "What will come of Hogwarts now, Headmaster?"

"I am afraid I cannot answer that. I do believe my professors are more loyal to me then to Dolores Umbridge so I can rest well at night knowing that no harm will come to my students."

"What about Harry? She will continue to target him."

Dumbledore dropped another sugar cube into his tea, "Minerva will assure his safety. Hogwarts will reach very low standards under her rule for sure but it will still be a safeguard for students; protecting them from both the evils outside and in it's walls."

Sirius nodded, but in his head he remembered how simply he and his friends fled the school at night, how easy it was to penetrate it's walls when he was on the run, how close Peter had come to Harry for three whole years, how many times Voldemort came within inches of claiming the boys life. Hogwarts was a fortress but it wasn't foolproof. Especially not without Dumbledore there.

"Will the Order help?"

"Yes. Nymphadora will be directly monitoring affairs that are going on in the school and Hogsmeade and Kingsley has taken a very public stance against me and all I stand for so he will be involved in all of the Ministers and Umbriges plans." The old man chuckled wisely, "That man should have been an actor."

This made Sirius smile as well. Kingsley was in charge of the manhunt for him so they fact that the man was so convincing was one of the reasons that Sirius was still a free man.

"Harry just needs to attempt to do as he is told. It is a lot easier to protect him when we do not have to worry about him sneaking out the secret passages that somehow escape my knowledge or going into some dark, dangerous part of the castle that I directly forbade him from entering." Dumbledore remembered how many times he stressed only those who wish to die a horrible, painful death should enter the third floor corridor. It was only a matter of time before he was carrying the wounded boy out of it.

They kept talking until finally it was time for him to go. Dumbledore stood, stretching his long, ancient limbs.

"I need to get ahold of some of my Order members to make arrangements for our new predicament. I will personally visit Arthur, Bill, Alastor, and Mudungus but Remus is out on an assignment with Nymphadora now. He should be back within a few hours so please send an owl when he is here. It will find me." He said his words lightly but news that Remus was alone with Tonks brought a scowl to Sirius' face. Remus had left a week ago. One whole week that he had been with that woman.

"Is something wrong?" his old face twisted into a frown. The younger man shook his head, trying to keep his face neutral. Why hadn't Remus told him that he was going on a dual mission with her before he left?

"Where will you be, sir?" Sirius asked, holding the door for him.

The Headmaster stared at him a little longer before turning to breathe in the scent of exhaust and concrete and smiling as though it was the most beautiful thing to ever be inhaled. His soft blue eyes twinkled as he spoke.

"Oh, I feel it's a good time to get some sunlight. I am a tad bit peaky, a tan could do me well." With that cryptic message, he winked and disappeared with a soft pop.

Sirius blinked and looked blankly at the bleak, dark night out the door. Any traces of his good moon flew away with the frigid breeze that licked his face. In the first war, this would have been his time; everything was heating up, the war was getting more severe, treachery was in the air. He would have been called to the front lines where he belonged to fight to the death for the survival of all that was good. All that was just.

Now, he was the last person to be called. He wasn't allowed to wander the shadows of the Forbidden Forest, ready to strike anything that tried to reach school grounds. He wasn't allowed to chase a group of death eaters to the very borders of the countryside. He wasn't allowed to break into the Ministry and steal classified documents. He was allowed to sit at home and be alive. Safe and sound while the man he had fallen for was out with a horny, pretty, young woman. He pushed images from him mind, feeling his stomach start to twist.

Sirius sighed and closed the door. The cold chill still remained in the hall as he carried himself up the stairs and to his room. His mood was almost as dreary as the house it's self as he laid in the bed, not tired but not willing to wander the halls aimlessly.

Hours later, "Sirius?"

He opened his grey eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

"Sirius?"

"In here." He called dully.

Sirius listened to the footsteps come closer until a familiar head peaked in. His hair was disheveled from the wind and his bottom lip was swollen and bruised. He looked at Sirius like a mother would a brooding child.

"Hey, are you still sleepy?" Remus frowned. Sirius hadn't done much other then sleep lately although he usually woke up in a fit due to his nightmares.

"No. Just laying here."

"In the dark?"

"Yep. Where's Tonks?"

"She came to the door but she wanted to go home to her parents so she did not linger. Apparently her father is tad bit ill."

"Yeah, I bet that was it."

His voice was cold and sharp, which he knew Remus didn't deserve but he didn't care. He didn't deserve to be in the house. Life just wasn't fair.

Remus hesitated at the attitude but came into the room and knelt beside the bed anyway, smiling in a way Sirius usually found adorable.

"Dumbledore came by?" He used a gentle tone that made Sirius frown.

"Yep. Just to waste my time. Didn't tell me anything that the whole world won't know soon." He sat up and turned onto his side to face Remus. "I suppose that he told you lot all types of classified shit."

"Actually, he didn't. I know no more then what everyone does. No one even knows where he went."

"Ha! So at least I know a little more. For your information, he is somewhere enjoying the sun while I am coped in this house and you are out on the streets starving along with your kind." He swung his legs and stood.

Remus shot up as well, face reddening. "Do not talk like that! He is simply somewhere safe, he hasn't abandoned us for some type of vacation! And you know that I spend as little time with my kind as I can."

Maybe it was his withdraw from alcohol or his overdose of uselessness and loneliness within the dank walls of his childhood home, but Sirius gave a sour laugh and pulled at the hem of Remus' shabby attire. "Could have fooled me. You look more like them everyday."

His insult left Remus stunned for a moment before he pushed Sirius away from him roughly.

"What the bloody hell was that? What is your problem?"

"My problem? You don't see my problem? I am here, useless, and you are out there. Free as a mother fucking bird. And I have no clue what you are doing out there!"

"We are fighting a war! It's not like we are having fun out there! You yourself have tended to my wounds multiple times so you should know that this is no tea party."

Sirius closed the distance and pressed his chest against Remus' in an imposing manner. He watched the shade of Remus' eyes lighten; he was playing with fire. And it felt so good. He wanted Moony to breach the surface again, not so he could let him dominate but so that he would have a lively and powerful opponent to face.

"I remember. I do. And it's all I think about." Sirius growled. Dogs used their size and furiousness to make opponents stand down but Remus, a wolf, wasn't about to let some mutt intimidate him.

Instead, he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "You sick man. You miss war? You miss having to clean up bodies and say goodbye to friends not knowing if you will live to see them again? There is something wrong with you."

The air was tense and heavy now. It would have been easy to collapse to the floor and cry and beg for Remus' aid, claiming that he was going mad in his solitary confinement. Remus wouldn't have rejected him; he was too good of a man. He would have dropped to he knees and rubbed his back, whispered soothing words, and then fallen into bed with him to erase away his fears.

But this was not going to be easy. Sirius hated easy. He wanted things hard, he wanted things painful.

"I will never miss that. But do you know what I do miss? I miss James. I miss him because I knew I could always trust him. I remember all to well the signs of a traitor. We never knew if it was only one or more and if you chose to hide this Dalton man from me for so long, what else did you hide?" His brain was screaming for him to shut up. He disobeyed himself. "Nymphadora? We all know she wants you and you definitely made no attempt to tell me you were going to alone with her for this assignment. How many other ones have you two 'worked' together? Oh, maybe even Fluer, she is a temptress. Or maybe being a slag isn't the only thing I have to worry about when it comes to you. Maybe I was right about you all those years ago. Maybe you are a traitor."

It came so quick he barely saw it. Remus' fist collided with his jaw with a resounding crack. He stumbled back against he wall, stunned. Remus rarely displayed violence outside of the battlefield.

The werewolf was in such a fury that his shoulders were heaving as he fought for a grip on his emotions. He couldn't remember being this angry. Sirius had just accused him of sleeping around and being a traitor in one paragraph.

"I-" he panted, breath escaping him, "-would never betray the Order. I would never betray the ones I love."

With that, he turned and stormed out. Sirius fought stars of pain as he watched the hem of Remus' robe whip around the corner of the doorway as the man rushed out. He heard the front door slam, awakening his mother. Sirius made no attempt to silence her, instead he stood where he was and replayed the situation. Guilt struck him so hard he couldn't think. What had he done?

He reacted so quickly he stumbled as he shot forward and ran down the stairs, nearly tripping over Kreacher, who was hurrying to his mothers portrait and calling her name. He yanked the door open, "Remus!"

But the man was already gone.

_I am up for suggestions for my plot. Any ideas will be considered. Thank you for the reviews because any feedback helps to motivate me to keep writing. :) _


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

The room was cold, chilling his skin. He shivered and wrapped his arms around his body even tighter, the thin blanket doing almost nothing to give him warmth. It had been a long time since he spent the night in his own cottage and he was wishing with everything in him that he was in the warm bed that he had grown accustomed to over the past few months.

Remus had apparated swiftly to his home after his row with Sirius. He wanted to go somewhere warm to rest but he knew his only other option was a room at the Leaky Cauldron, which he simply couldn't afford. So here he lay, alone and trembling, in his dusty old bed.

He didn't like when Sirius was angry. The man had suffered so much; all he wanted was to make sure he was at least content with his life now. So he would take the verbal abuse, take the attitude, and even take the horrible things people would say about him. It pained him to say that, despite his efforts, he seemed to be failing. Remus let his eyes close tightly as he blocked out the images of the irate man and focused on his surroundings.

He hated this house but unemployment resulted in him getting evicted from his flat when he was only twenty-two, so he had no choice but to stay here. His reason for hating it was different from Sirius'. Sirius hated him home because it's where he was subjected to years of having anti-mudblood rants crammed into his brain until he ran away just to live his own life. Remus disliked this old cottage because it was where his parents died. His mother, a kind gentle woman who loved him unconditionally, was killed by a werewolf hating radical who learned of her son. She had been stabbed and apparated to the front step, begging for aid as she bled to death in her husbands arms. John Lupin, though he didn't openly show his abhorrence of their situation, was already lost in a haze of depression and guilt, died of a broken heart a few months later. The healers at St. Mungo's deemed it a heart attack; Remus knew the truth.

Remus spent years avoiding the memories of how his parents helped make his childhood bright despite his lycanthropy and poverty. He felt that it would make him miss them more but around his thirtieth birthday, he found that taking time out of each lonely night to remember their kindness helped to ease the wounds of their premature deaths.

So now, he closed his eyes and allowed the memories to lull him to sleep.

_The bed was warm and cozy, engulfing his six-year-old body in gentle heat. He watched him mother kneel beside his bed, a gentle smile on her worn face that was illuminated by the candles charmed to hover around the room._

"_Time for bed, Remy." She cooed. Her long thin fingers, identical to how his would be in about ten years, tucked the blanket up to his neck._

"_Where's father?" he piped up, not willing to sleep yet. His mother ran her hand across his forehead where the remains of a scar were. She placed a gentle kiss on the scar and rubbed his shoulders. "Finishing up some paperwork. He will be with us soon."_

"_I don't want to go to bed without saying goodnight to him first!" Remus pouted._

_John Lupin, tall and broad, appeared in the doorway. "I'm here, son."_

_His face was calm but exhausted, showing that the past year since the family had been forced into isolation was wearing at him. His eyes were sad and broken. He would never forgive himself for getting his son bitten._

_John knelt beside his wife and gave her a soft kiss. At that age, Remus didn't know that it was unusual for parents to display affection in front of such a small child but since they were forced to live deep into the woods, they felt they wanted him to grow up seeing love. The world held so little of it._

_Remus scooted over, body aching from the recent transformation but he knew that complaining would do no good. Even though he was only six, he understood that he would only add to his father's guilt if he voiced his pain._

_Both his parents sat on the edge and smiled down at him_

"_What will it take to get you to get some rest?" His mother flicked his nose playfully as a lock of her hair fell out from beside her ear the same way his did now._

"_Story." He suggested, giving them a beautiful puppy dog look that made them laugh every time._

"_What do you think, Marylin? Did our little boy behave himself enough to have earned one?" His father asked in mock-sternness. He was far from a disciplinarian but Remus still shot up, "I promise I was!" his mind flashed back to his altercation with his mother at bath-time._

"_Stay calm, little one. I only kid."_

_With that, they went on to tell him a tale that would later be pivotal in his life. They used deep, dramatic voices to weave together the story of three brothers who unknowingly thwarted death, only to all be claimed one by one by the dark shadowy figure not long after. Remus loved this story because he thought of the third brother as an idle, a hero. One who lived life to his satisfaction until he found that he was ready to enter the afterworld on his own terms. As sleep took him, he made a promise to himself to be just like him; to have a family and live openly in the wizard world, unashamed of who he was. Once he was snoring, his parents kissed his brow and left him to his dreams._

_The scene faded away and when everything reappeared, it was fifteen years later and he was in the same room where his parents once showed him that love was real and alive. Now, Remus was convinced that love was nothing but a fairy tale as fake as the three brothers. He dropped onto his knees on the floor, body beginning to ache as the full moon approached. He had an hour at most until the wolf would take him and for the first time ever, he wanted it. He needed it. When he was the wolf, he was void of human emotions. He wouldn't feel the horrible pain that was ripping him apart, tearing his heart open vessel by vessel, artery by artery._

_James, Lily, and Peter. All dead. All gone. Sirius, the man who he was convinced he had fallen in love with, had betrayed them. It was absurd but the words that were spoken to him with no humor, no chance at it being a sick Halloween joke. There was no pushing this away and pretending it wasn't happening. He was alone, no friends, no family._

_Unlike himself, Remus turned his face up to the cobwebbed ceiling and released a howl of sorrow. He just wanted to be the wolf forever. Being human wasn't a blessing. It was a curse. He cried and screamed until finally moonlight shined into the room. The last thing he was aware of before blackness took him was the silence of the house. The solitude would haunt him for next twelve years._

Remus opened his eyes, finding that they had welled with tears. It was still cold but nowhere near the severity that it was the previous night. Pale sunlight shown through the window, bathing him in its glow. He rubbed his eyes dry and remembered his dream. There was no pain that could trump but he felt that night. His agony passed onto the wolf inside who was even more violent then normal. The room had been totally destroyed that night and despite using all types of spells to repair it, Remus could still see the slash marks that he left on the walls and floor. It was like a morbid mural.

Remus bones cracked as he stood and headed the restroom sounding more like an eighty-year-old man. Each movement brought about a sting of stiffness that seemed to increase as he grew older. Even his wrist popped as he shaved, causing himself to knick a raised scar on his throat. Remus swore and healed the cut with his wand.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

The sudden noise made Remus jump; he still had not yet recovered fully from the mental damage of his last attack. He peaked back into the bedroom to see an old barn owl was outside the window, flying and hooting. He rinsed his face and opened the window to let it in, watching as it swooped around. When it finally settled down, he let it land on his arm and plucked the letter from it's beak.

"I am afraid that I have no food to offer you." He said with sadness to the bird. He hated making anything go hungry so much that he often would give his provisions. He never even truly felt hunger anymore anyway.

The bird chirped in understanding and flew off this forearm to the windowsill, waiting. Remus opened the letter and sat down on the bed as he read.

_Remus,_

_I know you have heard that I have been forced into taking leave from my job. I would like to speak to you in person about this. Leaky Cauldron as soon as possible._

_Albus Dumbledore._

Remus frowned, it didn't seem safe for Dumbledore to be in such a public place but he knew better then to question him. He wrote a quick note stating that he would be there and sent the owl off. As he watched it fly over the woods that surrounded the house, he remembered something Sirius had snarled at him.

Free as a mother fucking bird.

Did he really think Remus was free? He considered his conditions and scoffed. He wasn't anywhere near free. No werewolf was free. Free was everyone he had ever known who was no longer in this world.

Thinking of Sirius made his chest tighten and he leaned weakly against the wall. What had he done to deserve to be accused of such awful things? All he wanted was to make Sirius happy, to take away some of the pain that tormented the man. Didn't Sirius see that?

But there was no point in dwelling on it now. Since the temperature had kept him fully dressed all night, all he had to do was slide his shoes on before he apparated into the Leaky Cauldron.

There was no sight of Dumbledore as he wandered around, playing nervously with the lock of hair that always fell out from behind his ear. He tried to remember when his hair had gotten so grey and couldn't help but feel the shame when he remembered that he was only thirty-six.

"Remus?"

His head popped up and he looked around. The voice was too high to be the Headmaster.

"Over here!" a tiny woman squeezed through the crowded lobby until she stood next to him. Her hair was dark brown and pulled into a ponytail but he recognized the heart shaped face.

"Hello, Nymphadora."

She groaned, "How many times do I have to ask you not to call me that?"

He smiled at her but he couldn't help but find it sillier to call her Tonks. "What are you doing here?"

"Meeting with Dumbledore. I assume that is why you are here as well."

They took a seat at the bar and talked while they waited for Dumbledore. When Sirius informed him of his theory that she fancied him. Remus had originally waved it off but over time it was harder to deny. She smiled too broad, laughed too loud, leaned too close. He appreciated the attention but it was not requited emotions and he wished with everything in him that Sirius would understand that.

"Wotcher!" Nymphadora squeaked at the man who had crept up without Remus' notice, making him jump. He had a long burgundy beard, baldhead, and eyes that twinkled in a familiar manner.

"Hello, sir. I must say you out did yourself with this one." Remus admired the magic used to put this together; had he not known who to look for, he would have never have suspected.

"Thank you, Remus. I am happy to see that you both made it here without any problems. I wish to keep this brief. Things are about to…how do the children refer to it nowadays….to go to hell at Hogwarts. I trust that there will still be some hope for salvaging the remains of my school when that toad leaves but I know things will be bad."

"She will not train the children to do anything but follow the Ministry's every move." Nymphadora nodded.

"This is true. Nymphadora, I need you to sneak in and out of the school and see things from a students eyes. You can still pass as a students and I trust you still have your robes. Remus, keep good connections will all the professors. I want you to know of her every move. All the professors are aware and will write you regularly."

"What do you want us to do if she steps over the line?"

Dumbledore looked at them severely over his glasses, now thick rimmed instead of half moons, "Intervene. Anyway you see fit."

Pop. He was gone.

Both the Order members stared at where he once stood, thinking.

"Do you think she will harm Harry?"

"She better not." Remus' voice was harsh. He hated this woman on levels that he rarely felt. It wouldn't take much to result in him attacking her, female or not.

Nymphadora placed a hand on his shoulder in what was a soothing manner, but it felt like dead unwanted weight to him.

"I guess we will be working together a lot more." She smiled. "At least we have some good news."

"Good news is hard to find in times like this."

"Don't be so down! You'll be as severe as McGonagal before you know it."

Remus couldn't help but laugh at this. It was damn near impossible to find anymore more serious then her.

"Where will you go after you leave here?" the young woman asked, happy she had made him laugh.

"Hmmm, that is a good question. Probably just back to my cottage."

"Your cottage? I thought you were staying with Sirius?"

Remus frowned at her. She was one of the reasons that he wasn't there now. "Sirius needs some time alone….sometimes his temper can be a little too much to bare."

"I understand. I spoke to my mother about him and she said that talk around the family was that he is unstable."

When they were nineteen, Lily forced Sirius to meet with a muggle psychologist about his outbursts. He only agreed to get her off his back and he returned saying that the therapist muttered odd, unintelligent words such as "bipolar" and "antisocial". Lily insisted on acting upon it but Sirius flat out refused.

"How about you have dinner with my family?"

"Er-" Remus racked his mind for a quick excuse but failed. There was no food in his house and no money in his pocket.

"C'mon, I've told them all about you. Mum is dying to meet you."

With that, the plan was made. He would meet her at the Tonks' residence, somehow ignoring the fact that there was a fifteen year old age difference, and sit down and have eat with her parents, with whom he went to school. For some reason, going hungry tonight suddenly seemed very appealing.

And yet, that night, here he stood. Wrapped in his old tattered cloak on their doorstep. The sun was beginning to set behind him as he stared blankly at the door.

Knock. That's all he had to do, knock. But he couldn't. His hands stayed firmly at his sides as he took in every detail of the door. It was made with thin oak and had been painted a deep red. About eye level was a peephole and the number seventeen in gold lettering. It was so different from the heavy mahogany with peeling black paint and the faded number twelve.

"Dora, sweetie, is he here yet?" Her mother- Andromeda- yelled somewhere inside.

"I don't know, mum. It's not like him to be late."

He gave one last sigh and knocked.

Words couldn't define how uncomfortable he felt as he sat at the table with them. Ted Tonks kept shooting him dark looks as his young daughter leaned all over his shoulder and even tucked his always-escaping lock of hair back behind his ear. Remus recognized those eyes immediately; Ted had been a Hufflepuff prefect during his first year and he often followed the young marauders around campus waiting for them to do something wrong.

_Shit, I am only six years younger then him. _ Remus tried to smile at him, but Ted didn't seem to find anything about him the slight bit acceptable. He chewed slowly as he mentally documented each patch on Remus' robes, each line on his aging face, each strand of grey hair on his head. Andromeda was more friendly, asking a lot of questions of Sirius.

"My dear cousin. I do miss him. He was always my favorite."

"He speaks highly of you." Remus told her as he waiting for his soup to cool, "He cannot wait until you come to visit him."

"Oh, I will in due time. Dumbledore still feels that it's not safe yet."

They kept conversation light as Remus tried to flee the night without giving any hints of an inappropriate relationship with their child, who seemed determined to do just the opposite. As soon as he got the chance, he pretended to be exhausted and claimed to have an assignment to attend in the morning.

"I've heard nothing of it." Nymphadora frowned as he thanks her parents for their kindness.

"It's just sometime in the werewolf tunnels," Remus tried not to see the way Ted's eyes narrowed. No father wanted his daughter to be with a werewolf.

Nymphadora walked him to the doorstep and closed the door behind them. "Thank you for coming," she smiled. In the moonlight, he could see that she was quite beautiful, with high cheekbones, pale skin, and dramatic eyes. Her body was slim and youthful with a tiny waist and a soft bust. But for some reason, she wasn't attractive to him.

"Thank you for inviting me. I enjoyed myself but I do not feel your father was all too pleased though."

"He will be okay. He still sees me as his little girl so he doesn't like any man I have feelings for."

Fuck. She had never said it out loud so he had been able to pretend it was his imagination, though the voice in the back of his mind told him it wasn't.

He leaned against the house, keeping his eyes on anything but her. "Look, Nym-"

Suddenly, she was on her toes, hands cupping his neck, lips pressed hard and firm against his.

He froze, eyes wide. No, no, no, no.

He tore his face away from her and stood at full height so that she couldn't reach his face. He made no attempt to hide the disgust that flashed so she took a step back.

"Was…was that not okay?"

What a stupid question. His blood began to boil. This is exactly the type of thing that would set Sirius into a fury.

"No! No, it's not!" He shouted. She was so much smaller then him, making her look really frightened as she put a hand on the doorknob, ready to bolt in.

"I just thought- maybe- you felt the same. I mean, we get along so well. And you aren't married or anything-"

He gave her the darkest look his gentle face could manage.

"Oh, I see. You are seeing someone." It was almost pathetic how soft and wounded her voice was.

"I won't be much longer if you ever do that again." Remus fought the childish urge to wipe the taste of her lipstick off his lips, wondering if Sirius would ever find out about this.

"What does that mean? Do I know her? Does she suspect anything?"

"There is nothing to suspect!" Remus yelled again, defensively. He heard the conversation her parents were having inside cease as they started to listen. Suspect wasn't the right word. For Sirius to suspect something, it would have to mean that Remus returned the kiss.

"Remus-"

"Goodbye, _Tonks,_" Unable to take anymore, Remus stepped off the doorstep, ignoring the hurt expression that she gave him, and disappeared with a crack.

_That was painful to write. I simply hate the idea of Nymphadora and Remus. But my story is cannon so eventually Sirius will die and Remus will marry her. Gross, right? As for Sirius, I diagnosed him as bipolar almost as soon as I started reading OOTP. Please review, ya'll keep me motivated :)_


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Sirius couldn't sit still if he tried. He cleaned every single nook and cranny of the house, organized all the books in the library by alphabetical order, sorted through all the legal documents in his mother's office, and even completed a manhunt for all things Kreacher had nicked. He hoped that the busier he kept himself, the less a certain werewolf would be on his mind. But there was no avail.

Every time the door opened, he ran to it, hoping it was Remus. Every time the old foundation of the house creaked, he jumped up, thinking it was Remus wandering the halls. Every time he heard Kreachers soft footsteps, he looked around wildly for him. The night of the argument, Sirius sat up restlessly as dark thoughts plagued him. He heard the pounding of heavy rain on the window and wondered where Remus was. If he was cold, wet, and hungry.

Well over two weeks past with no sign of his love despite the amount of letters that Sirius sent to him. He tried to write detailed letters that expressed his apology but found that the most he could ever get out were short sentences.

_Remus, I am sorry. Please, come home._

_Remus, I'm worried! Where are you?_

_Are you okay? The full moon was last night. Are you wounded? Did you take your potion? _

_Please, just write back anything. I can't stop thinking about you. I am so worried._

_I am so sorry for what I said. I love you so much._

_Please. Please, Remus, tell me this is not the end._

It was easier when Remus was out on a mission but at least Sirius knew where he was and what he was doing. But now, his mind was alive with scenarios. He imagined Remus being attacked again, severely wounded, and being too damn stubborn to come home for aid.

Everyone seemed to be in good mood nowadays, coming in and out of his house, smiling and laughing. Kingsley would attempt to entertain Sirius with stories of the foolish things the Ministry did, Molly cooked him large lavish meals that he merely picked at, Mudungus pitched all types of ideas about Sirius loaning him gold to help him invest in some stolen good, which Sirius agreed with since the only other thing he wanted to do with his money was spend it on Remus. By the end of the first week, Sirius began mailing Remus envelopes that were heavy with gold and silver along with a little note that read, "_Use this for whatever. Food, supplies, bandages. Please, let me give you this._"

The only person who seemed untouched by the cheeriness was Tonks. Her hair was less colorful and she seemed to be followed by the same cloud of depression that hovered above Sirius. He was thankful that she had the same methods of handling her emotions as him, showing up several times with bottle of liquor. When he tried to ask if she had seen Remus, she immediately shut the topic down. So they just drank and drank and drank until they would pass out wherever they were.

It was finally a warm morning when Sirius awoke, rather hung-over. His cousin had already left, leaving him alone in the soft, squishy chair in the drawing room. Careful not to look at where his name was burned off the family tree, he stood and forced himself to the bathroom, barely making it in time before his stomach heaved and he vomited a burning mix of bile and alcohol.

When he was done, he washed his face and brushed his teeth, ears still straining for any sign of the door opening. Nothing.

When he could handle the silence no more, he ventured out on the roof to let the sounds of the city engulf him. Cars honked, buses revved up their heavy engines, women talked too loudly. Sirius sat on the edge of the roof and took in the world that he wasn't allowed to be in. Everyone took their freedom for granted; not knowing that just above them was a man who longed to simply go to the store without fear. To simply go search for his missing lover.

James didn't like the time that he spent trapped in his home in Godric's Hollow as well, even though he was barely there for a month. He paced his kitchen often, looking out the window, waiting for any sign that the war would be over, that he could take his family out again. Lily was more accepting of their situation. She focused all her time on baby Harry, rarely leaving his side. At the time, Sirius didn't see why James was so upset about being inside. At least he was alive and with the ones he loved.

But now he saw that this wasn't truly alive. His heart beat, breathe filled his lungs, and blood flowed through his veins. But he was dead.

All he would need to feel like there was still a thrum of life within him was two long, slender hands on his chest, gentle lips on his own, a tiny waist pressed against his expansive body.

Just as he started to truly think there was no hope, he heard the trap door open.

"You better not be planning to jump."

In his thoughts over the past few weeks, he fantasized of his moment. He imagined himself lifting the small man and spinning him in his happiness, beseeching him with his apologies and confessions of his love. But now, he turned slowly to see Remus' head peaking over the trap door. He didn't know what to do. Didn't know what Remus would allow. But he did see the confused, rushed look on the former professors' face.

"Come. Harry wishes to speak to you."

Sirius' joy of having Remus in the house and getting to talk to his godson was quickly marred when he learned of the dark topic that Harry came to him for. He had hoped that Harry would never learn of the awful things that popularity had made him and James do when they were in school. Nobody wants someone who idolizes them to know that they were once a bully.

Remus never approved of his behavior but he shot down Harry's opinion on it, looking more defensive then he should have, much to Sirius shock.

"If we were arrogant little berks, you mean," said Sirius, internally glowing after Remus used his gentle debating tone to explain what Harry had seen in the pensive.

The smile Remus gave him was heartbreaking. It took everything in him not to lunge forward and engulf Remus in a deep, passionate kiss right there in front of Harry.

Harry continued to argue, clearly distraught over what he now knew. To Sirius and Remus, it was hard to imagine James as a bully anymore. They had watched him grow up from the immature jerk to a kind, loving man. But Harry was only one when James was murdered; he didn't know him like they did.

"Well….I thought he was a bit of an idiot." Harry said dismissively when Remus and Sirius got carried away in their reminiscing.

"Of course he was an idiot! We were all idiots! Well- not Moony so much," Sirius couldn't remember a single moment that Remus was rude to anyone who didn't deserve it. He treated everyone with total kindness until they gave him a reason not to. And even at that point they still stood a chance of forgiveness. Just as Sirius did after what he did their sixth year. And maybe after what he said two weeks ago.

Remus shook his head at Sirius' words, "Did I ever tell you to lay off Snape? Did I ever have the guts to tell you I thought you were out of order?"

Sirius frowned. Not once did Remus ever stop them once they started in their torture of Snivellus. "Yeah, well, you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes….That was something…."

It was a miracle that Harry missed the blush that flooded Remus' hollow cheeks and the quick look he flashed at Sirius as the boy began to speak more of what he had seen. Sirius felt his heart rate quicken as they locked eyes for that moment.

Finally, Remus asked the most important question of the night. "Now that you mention it, how did Snape react when he found you'd seen all this?"

Both the men looked directly at Harry, ready to react to his answer.

Harry didn't seem bothered at all when he informed them that Severus ended his lessons. Sirius couldn't hold back the shout that made both Harry and Remus jump. These lessons were so important to Harry's safety. Who the hell did Severus Snape think he was?

Sirius began to rise, ready to leap into the fire and come out searching for the potions master, but Remus seized him and pulled him down.

"If anyone is going to tell Snape it will be me." His tone was so stern, so bossy, so sexy that Sirius didn't fight. He didn't want Remus to take his hands off his shoulders, it was the first contact they had had in so long.

Remus must have been a good professor because he was able to order a teenage boy to do something he didn't want to without receiving any type of argument. Harry agreed and disappeared back into the fire, which turned orange once more.

It was at that moment that Remus realized he still had a hand on Sirius, though now it had drifted down to his elbow. He raised it slowly, almost like he didn't want to.

"We should have told him ourselves. It would have been easier then seeing it like that." Remus said softly.

"I don't see the big deal. All people are dumb and immature at fifteen. I didn't think that it was such a problem."

"It is if one of his teachers take it out on him all the time because his father used to bully him."

Remus stood up and rubbed his neck, hearing it pop. Sirius frowned; when had he grown so old?

"I will speak to Severus first thing in the morning. This is simply unacceptable."

"What will you do until then?"

Remus looked down on him with his incredible eyes. "I don't know. I came here to look at some documents that I had forgotten. I didn't expect to stay long at all."

Sirius rose so that he was standing before Remus again, several inches taller, several stones heavier. "Stay here. Let me take care of us. I promise I will do everything right."

"It's impossible to do everything right-"

"Well , I'll do it better!" His voice cracked as desperation kicked in. He searched Remus' stony face imploringly. The man was always so good at hiding his emotions but he hoped for any sign of them now.

Remus sighed, he looked truly exhausted and so much skinnier then any healthy man should be. All Sirius wanted to do was hold his body against his, run his fingers through his silky hair, and kiss him deeply and passionately.

"I can't handle if you leave again. I know you got all my letters, you saw what I was like."

Remus thought of the endless letters that bombarded him. His stubborn side wanted to toss all the letters into the rubbish but his loving side wanted to come back to him and pretend it never happened.

"I did get them. And thank you for the gold. It helped out a lot."

Silence followed his words and he looked at Sirius weakly. It hadn't been this tense is so long. Unable to take it anymore, he turned to leave.

"No!" Sirius yelp was heavy with fear. He shot forward and engulfed Remus in his arms, pinning him against the wall so he had nowhere to go. "I'm not letting you go! You can't leave me."

His voice was weak, desperate. So much so that all thoughts of exiting left Remus immediately. He remembered the sixteen-year-old boy who followed him around like a lost puppy for a month after the prank on Severus, begging for his forgiveness. Remus agreed to sit with him once at lunch only to stand up in disgust fifteen minutes later. Sirius had panicked and grabbed Remus' hand and hugged him tightly right there in front of the whole school. His face lit up when Remus said he forgave him, embracing him even tighter, "I love you!"

Now, things were different. They weren't teenagers who had a row over the severity of a prank, they were grown men who still battled the tension of the revival of their old, dangerous lives.

Remus pulled his arms free enough to cup Sirius' face and hold it steady. He ran his fingers across his stubbly skin and watched the stormy grey eyes darken. He touched everything, his pink lips, his porcelain skin, his long eyelashes, his thin nose.

God, he was handsome.

Remus couldn't take it anymore; no amount of anger could stop him as he rose onto the balls of his feet and kissed Sirius with all the fire he could muster. He could nearly feel the relief that flooded the bigger man as the kiss deepened. It was one of forgiveness, saying all the things they should have said over the past few weeks.

Sirius' tongue rolled across Remus' sensually. He didn't want to rush anything about this, didn't want to miss a single moment. Remus tasted so good, like fruity sangria. It was intoxicating. He gave into the sweet venom that was Remus John Lupin. This was an addiction that he wouldn't have to battle; he could indulge in this until his last breath.

Sirius worked his way down to Remus' throat, leaving trails of darkened skin in his wake. He loved looking at the bruises and hickeys he left on him afterwards, marking him as his and his only. He felt the vibrations as a wonton moan escaped from the wolf, echoing in the basement.

"I love you. I missed you much." Sirius panted in-between each bite and suck. "I am so sorry for what I said."

"And I am sorry I left."

"Don't apologize," Sirius tilted Remus head back, craning his long elegant neck, and worked his way all over the exposed skin. His muscular arms held him so close that his chest was starting to ache but he couldn't even think to stop.

Remus allowed Sirius to engulf him in his passion. He moaned softly as Sirius nibbled at his erogenous zones and panted when Sirius' skilled hands came up to twist and pinch at his nipples through his shirt. Everything was a thousand times slower then it usually was and his nerves were set ablaze with each touch.

"God, Sirius. You just don't know what you do to me…." He whimpered when Sirius bit the shell of his ear.

"I do to you just a fraction of what you do to me, Remus." Sirius cupped his hands around the back of Remus' thighs and heaved him up. Remus wrapped his legs around Sirius' toned waist and buried his hands in the long dark mane of hair as his back connected with the wall behind him. From here, Sirius was eyelevel with Remus' chest so he began to bite at the buttons, undoing them with his tongue. He kept his head leaned back so that Remus could see and could imagine the things that tongue was going to do to him before the end of the night, which was so skilled that Remus' shirt fell open in record time.

Sirius began to assault the expanse of soft skin before him, licking, sucking, kissing, and biting. Remus squeezed his waist with his legs and groaned.  
>"Damn you, Sirius. That tongue is too good. Too good." He was amazed by how difficult it was to now get a coherent sentence out; how did Sirius always do this to him?<p>

"Keep talking," was the order as Sirius began to rub at the bulge that was pressing against his naval.

"I want you so bad. You turn me on so much….oh, I want you to fuck me." Remus breathed, lightheaded from the lack of oxygen as he had to remember to breathe.

"You want me in you?"

"Yes. Please!"

Sirius stepped back from the wall and pushed Remus even higher up so he was tossed over his shoulder like a sack. Remus grunted as Sirius' shoulder dug into his stomach.

"Lets get you somewhere a little more comfortable." He grinned, cheekily. Remus returned it though he knew Sirius couldn't see it, totally forgetting why he even left in the first place.

The animagus carried the werewolf up the narrow basement stairs and up the grand staircase that led to the bedrooms. They passed Kreacher on the way and just as the house elf opened his mouth to speak Sirius silenced him with an severe tone, "Basement. Now."

Sirius listened for the telltale signs of the basement door closing behind the house elf before he began to rub all over Remus' arse with one of his hands. He treated it like it was a crystal ball, cupping and massaging each buttock. Remus relaxed into the touch and Sirius felt him hang even more limply over his shoulder. He smiled and decided to bring Moony back to attention. With loud defining smacks, he spanked Remus four times in a row, making the man jerk sharply, cry out, and then whimper.

"Your ass is bloody amazing,"

As soon as they were alone in the confines of their bedroom (Remus smiled inwardly at the thought. _Their_ bedroom.) Sirius threw Remus down and clothes were removed. Remus needed Sirius in his most natural state, no barriers between them, so he pulled and tore at the t-shirt and jeans that hid the beautiful canvas. Sirius was more patient, wanting to remember every little detail. He slid the open shirt off Remus' shoulder and kissed every single scar that covered his torso, front and back. He lazily toyed with the belt before allowing his fingers to make work of the clasp and let the trousers fall to the floor. Remus stepped out of them and flung himself back into Sirius' arms. Despite his attempts to speed it all up, Sirius immediately held him still and steady and he slowly kissed him again.

"Sirius, please!" he damn near sobbed. His cock was at full attention now and was begging for any type of release.

"I will, baby. I will. Just let me touch you."

Maybe it was the way that Sirius' eyes shone with something Remus had never seen before or maybe it was just his desire to grant Sirius' every wish, but Remus nodded and pulled away just to lay down on the bed. The black haired man was at his side in seconds, running his hands lightly all over every inch of Remus' skin. He felt the heat that radiated from him and watched the way Remus' cheeks and arousal both turned dark pink from the blood pooling in them. He was a masterpiece.

"You are so beautiful, Remus. So perfect. I was a fool to have gone as long as I did without realizing what I could have had." He gave him a soft but moist kiss. "God, I can't get enough of you. Don't ever go. Please."

"I'm here. F-forever- oh!" Remus yelped as Sirius' hand cupped his balls, rubbing and squeezing. Pain and pleasure shot up him and he trembled at the mercy of his lover.

Sirius watched the way Remus leaked uncontrollably, precum oozing down the erect shaft. He ran one hand through the coarse curls at the base of the erection and rotated his balls in the other. He wanted more then anything to lick the white drops that were coming endlessly but he was sure if he even flicked his tongue across the head, he would orgasm.

Remus was writhing uncontrollably, groaning in frustration. He needed release so badly it hurt. His body was aching everywhere from the sheer force of restraining himself. Sirius could see that he was suffering and chose to have mercy on him.

"Get me wet." He muttered, crawling up so that his cock was level with Remus' head. He laid on his side as the brunette rolled over and swallowed his cock in one attempt. Sirius moaned loudly and let his head fall back as ecstasy raced through his veins. Remus' mouth was warm and accepting as he curled his lips over his teeth and sucked heavily on him. He could feel the ridges on the back of his throat as he penetrated down his throat.

"Damn!" Sirius swore and bucked forward, gagging Remus. "S-sorry…."

Remus chocked and pulled back, coughing slightly. Sirius made to move but Remus clasped his hands on his hips, "No, don't get up. Do that again."

Sirius laid on his back and looked down at Remus. "You want more?"

"Yes! C'mon Sirius, fuck my mouth! Fuck it like you about to fuck my arse!"

Sirius immediately seized Remus' head and pushed it down onto him, "Take it!"

He bucked his hips up into the moist heat over and over, speechless as all coherent thought left him. Remus opened his mouth and throat up to allow him to plow the cavern without any obstacle. He had to fight not to gag again, he didn't want Sirius to worry about choking him.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh. Damn, Remus. You have the best mouth ever. Ugh! I-its so good!"

Remus nearly laughed at the frantic tone of Sirius' deep, sexy voice. He sealed his mouth even tighter around the shaft and started swallowing making Sirius arch his back and scream in frustration as he came the closest any man could to eruption without actually doing it.

Remus pulled back and watched as a line of saliva connected his mouth to Sirius' bulging cock. He wanted that back within him, but in a different entrance this time.

"You ready? You ready to fuck me into oblivion?" He crawled up the bed and laid on his stomach next to the man who was still on his back, panting. His erection was pressed against the bed, soaking the fabric.

Sirius needed no more motivation. He rolled onto his side and forced Remus onto his, pressing his chest against the bony back, muttering the lubrication spell that coated them both with the slippery solvent.

Remus was still tight as a virgin as he thrust in in one swift, smooth movement. The synchronized cries that filled the room were better then even the song of a Veela. Sirius found that he liked taking Remus on his back because he was able to look at the addicting sight that was his lover. But now, he couldn't get enough of this. Skin to skin, heat to heat, love penetrating the boundaries that their physical bodies formed. He couldn't see him well but Sirius could feel every inch of Remus' body as he ran his hands over all of him, feeling the raised skin of his scars and the ridges of his ribs and finding that there was no one more appealing. He pushed Remus' knee up to his chest for better access and moved without abandon.

Remus could hardly move as he was taken in more ways then physically. His soul was being taken away from him, merged with the man who held him like he was the greatest treasure in the world. Lights danced before his eyes as he became aware that he was panting with each thrust.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. Don't stop. Don't stop. Oh, _fuck! _DON'T STOP!"

His pants became a full scream as his prostate was struck dead on, like a bulls eye. His body tightened around Sirius, who groaned. "I'm going to cum!"

"No! Please, Sirius, not yet!" He reached a long arm back to hold his hip and control his movements.

It took all the self control not to keep pounding relentlessly into the gaping, willing hole but he managed to stop moving all together, "Okay, Remus. Just wait….give me a second."

For several tense moments, Sirius was still as a board, face buried in the crook of Remus' neck. He waiting until the pressure at the base of his erection subsided enough for his to roll Remus onto his stomach and crawl on top of him.

In this position, Remus was totally unable to move. He was sealed in-between the bed and the hard powerful man. Each thrust sent his pelvis into the mattress, the friction warming his untouched, fully erect cock. He couldn't moan, couldn't hardly fucking breathe as his face was forced into the bed with every thrust.

"So tight. Oh, it's so good. Fuck!"

Sirius' breath came in quick gasps as electric shocks filled him from the tips of his fingers, through his chest, along his penis, and down to the tips of his toes. He heard waves as blood filled his ears. There wasn't much more he could do to hold back any longer. Even his trick of thinking of things he learned in his History of Magic classes weren't working anymore.

Sirius pulled Remus' hips up enough to reach around him and wrap his fingers around the long, thin shaft. He pumped him erratically, mind too far gone to even think of a rhythm.

"You know how I can tell you like it? Your cock is hard even though I haven't touched it since I started fucking you. You get off by the feeling of me deep in you. You are just a slut for my cock. Oh, yes…My little Moony, my filthy whore,"

It didn't take much. One, two, three, four….Remus' head fell back as he screamed. His cum shot in long, sticky ropes all over Sirius' hand and the mattress. The werewolf trembled as he erupted violently before collapsing weakly onto the bed. He could still feel Sirius inside him. He was full, and then empty, and then full again.

"Yes," he moaned, quietly, "Sirius, yes."

The animagus raised his semen covered hand and licked it clean like a dog licks a wound. The taste of Remus in his purest form pushed him over the edge. He pulled out quickly, barely making it before he spilled his seed all over Remus' exposed back. Both his semen and the soft skin was almost the same shade of white, nearly blending in with each other in the darkness of the room. He looked at it for a moment before all his strength eluded him and his collapsed next to him.

They were both totally filthy; covered in sweat and sperm but so content that neither even thought to move. They kept their eyes locked on each other and they lay on their bellies, not touching, just looking. Grey and amber eyes staring relentlessly into each other. When they knew they stood no chance of staying awake any longer, they clasped hands and let their exhaustion take them.

_Please review! I love all my readers but I really love when ya'll tell me what you think! :) The Hunger Games fans should check out my other two fics!_


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Sirius was still on cloud nine the next morning. As soon as he opened his eyes he pulled the sleeping man to him and held him close. Remus smelled of earth, sweat, spice, and a heavy manly scent that was better then any cologne. Sirius inhaled deeply and savored the warmth of the moment. He knew that no sensation as great at this could last forever but he wanted it to be endless. Remus purred softly and nuzzled his nose into the sensitive flesh where Sirius' neck met his shoulder. His stubbly chin scratched the tender skin, making Sirius chuckle. He missed this feeling so damn much.

He wondered what Remus had been doing over the past few weeks but he would save that conversation for later. All that mattered was now. His rough fingers began to ghost all over the pale skin, drifting over the old scars and two fresh ones that marred the once smooth skin that was the dimples on Remus' lower back. Sirius felt his heart drop slightly when he felt this as he loved this part of his baby's body, the way it glowed, the way it dipped in, and the way it was flaky from his dried cum now. He had seen them last night but in his haste to commit acts of passion to him, he failed to truly notice them. Remus stirred slightly when Sirius' fingertips lightly touched the wounds, sending small tremors of pain up his spine. He shuddered and curled even closer into Sirius' chest. So close that he couldn't tell where one began and the other ended. He stayed here for awhile until he finally climbed out of bed, making the man roll over.

"Are you awake, Moony?"

"Trying not to be."

Sirius smiled as he dressed quickly and kissed his forehead, "Rest, my love. I'll get you something to eat."

"Don't go…" Remus rasped. He clutched at his sleeve but Sirius still pulled away.

"I'll be back. You can go back to sleep or you can go clean up. Either way I will hurry back." He flicked Remus' nose playfully and left, leaving the werewolf to realize that his stomach and back were still sperm-drenched.

Sirius hummed merrily as he bustled around the kitchen. He heard the pipes creak so he knew that Remus was taking a bath. He couldn't help but be proud as he remembered the amount of cum he managed to paint the man with. He couldn't get over that not only was Remus home but the argument seemed to be forgotten. It was exactly as he hoped for.

Kreacher wandered into the kitchen, watching his master wearily due to his uncharacteristic good mood, and Sirius suddenly remembered that he never gave him permission to leave the basement.

"Master spent all night with that filthy werewolf, he did….oh if Mistress knew. Such a blood traitor. Such a vermin to lay with a halfblood monster. All night-"

"Kreacher, I assure you that wasn't the first night I've spent all night with Remus and it will not be last. At least I am sparring you from the sounds of what I do to him. See? I am a good master." Sirius could barely hide his amusement as Kreachers huge eyes expanded at the thought of the moans and pants. "Now, tell me honestly, what do you think Remus would like to eat for breakfast?"

Unable to lie, Kreacher helped Sirius make Remus breakfast though he muttered about the shame and how they were defiling the great house of Black. Remus was fresh out of the shower with nothing but a towel around his waist when Sirius finally joined him in the bedroom. Sirius set the platter on the bed and kissed him deeply and lovingly. He didn't want to let him go ever again, he wanted him here forever.

"I love when you are like this…" Remus whispered against his mouth when he released him for air.

"I love you whenever." Sirius lowered his head and nuzzled it into Remus' long neck. Most of the lithe man was wolf like but his neck was more like a swan, long, lean, and elegant. For a brief moment, Sirius realized that his was like Remus' personality, gentle and serene but with a bite that could break skin.

He felt Remus' arms snake around his shoulders and pull him down, closer to his level. Sirius put his arms around his waist and guided him to the bed, using soft but steady pressure to lay him out beneath him.

The wolf's lips accepted him as always as he cradled the worn and aged face in his hands. The mouth was warm, wet, and compliant as his tongue ran against all the corners of it.

Remus mewled as Sirius undid the towel and revealed his shaft to him once more. He was already starting to get hard again.

"The-the food…"

Without looking, Sirius used pulled his wand out of his pocket and used to non-verbal spell to move the platter to a safer place across the room. He dropped his wand on the floor and continued his assault on his victim.

Remus was nude and gorgeous beneath him. His skin was shimmering from the small droplets of water that littered his body and his hair had left the bed beneath it damp. Sirius licked all over his neck, replacing the shower water with his saliva. Remus fisted the back of his robes in his hands, moaning, driving him on.

"You already have me so hard…." Remus panted, cheeks flushing. His cock was almost fully erect, standing up in the air. "Are- are you as hard as me?"

"Yes. Dammit, Remus." Sirius was aroused as well. His own manhood was straining against pants. Why the hell did he bother to put all these clothes on? Oh, right. Kreacher.

"You….oh fuck….shagged me so hard last night. But I need more!"

Sirius raised his head so he was level with Remus. "You want it already?"

"You know how I love to worship your cock! I can't get enough of how good it feels deep in my belly."

"Neither can I, Remus. I love it when you submit to me. You look too good when you lay down and take whatever I have to give you."

Remus let out a mirthful laugh, it's ring filled the room and made Sirius shudder with excitement. It was as though Remus' voice was touching him itself. "I always want to take what my daddy has to offer to me."

Shit. He couldn't take anymore. His hands flew to his zipper, knocking aside Remus' which were moving for the same goal, and tore his pants off. He shrugged off all his clothes as his grey- almost silver with lust- eyes were stuck on the scene before him.

Remus was so evil. He could see what he was doing to Sirius so he writhed and bit his lip in a way that should be illegal. Mild professor Lupin was on his back touching all over his thin _beautiful_ body. His fingers followed the patterns of the deep scars all the way down his chest, over his concave abdomen, along his pelvic bone, and around his long slender cock. Each fingertip touched along his cock, spreading his pre-cum along the shaft. Sirius stared hard, tongue darting out to moisten his lips. Remus raised his long arm and reenacted his movements on Sirius chest, tracing circles in the chest hair that he loved so much. So masculine and sexy.

Sirius snaked his hand underneath Remus and let a finger slide into the warmth. Though still a tight squeeze, Remus' body was becoming more familiar with him. More accepting. He pushed three more fingers in, grinning from ear to ear as he looked at his partners face.

"You see this? You take me in so well now! Almost my whole hand! Let me hear you moan as you show me how stretched out you are now."

Remus continued to taunt Sirius as he mewled and purred, squirming and trembling. His eyelids drooped down until only a sliver of gold could be seen underneath his thick long lashes. His lips, such a rosy shade of pink, were swollen and dark as he chewed on the bottom one, letting low breathy moans fill the room.

Sirius ran his thumb along the skin between Remus' entrance and his balls as all four of his fingers fucked him without mercy. He thrust them in and out until his knuckles were disappearing into his body too. Buried to the hilt.

"OH!" Remus gasped and his back arched. Sirius used his other hand to force his body back to the mattress.

"Do you know what you look like when I hit your spot like that? All flushed and desperate for more. You look like mine. Mine only."

"I am…." Remus was quickly losing his ability to speak. Sirius fingers were so deep in him, stretching him out to a point he hadn't reached before. Each push inward stabbed his prostate and sent stars behind his eyes.

"You are what? I want to hear you say it to me."

"I am yours. No one else's. Only…" he couldn't finish his sentence as Sirius index finer rubbed circles against the sensitive bundle of pleasure deep inside him. His body shuddered. Even his breath was gone by now.

"Are you going to scream for more like the bitch in heat you are?"

A tiny nod, almost unseen, was his answer.

He removed his hand, dripping from Remus' natural juices. He used the spell that was now very familiar to him to add more lubrication before positioning and sheathing himself in. He watched Remus' head fall back on the bed, eyes glassed over as they watered from the pure sensations. His mouth was slightly agape and his fingers were scrambling all over Sirius' biceps, looking for a grip.

Sirius savored the squeeze of the ring around his cock being stretched to his apex before pulling all the way out.

Remus pushed his body forward, trying to impale himself but Sirius held him where he was.

"No! I need you to fuck me! I need to feel your big cock in my arse!"

Sirius laughed and took Remus' jaw in his hand, holding his face steady so he was looking him dead in the eye. "I'll fuck you when I want to. Understand?"

Remus let out a weak whine, like a wounded canine. But he nodded. His fingers were holding so tightly onto Sirius' biceps that he was starting to feel tingling in his fingers.

"You want this cock anywhere and anyway you can. Fucking slut. My slut."

"Your slut! I'm your slut, your slag, your whore, your bitch, your anything! I would take it from you anywhere!"

Sirius leaned down, lips ghosting over Remus' ear as he whispered, "Imagine this, Moony. You spread out across the kitchen table during the next order meeting. Begging for me to fill you." He thrust his cock back into Remus, earning a scream. Smiling, he continued on, "I would put on your knees and lick your hole all over. Just the way you like it. Do you think everyone would like that? Like seeing your composure finally break?"

Remus was past the point of being able to answer. His hands abandoned Sirius' arms and found purchase on his hips, guiding him back and forth. His pants were quick and shallow. He seemed to have forgotten how to breathe properly.

"Oh, fuck Remus! Dammit I love this. I bet they would too. Anyone in the world would be lucky to see how gorgeous you are when you get fucked. Picture- shit!- picture Severus' face when I enter you. He would blow his load in seconds."

Remus gained enough to control to allow himself to see what Sirius was describing. He imagined himself on his knees on top of the table, hands and knees scattering all the parchments and documents, while Sirius fucked him hard. He wasn't concerned with everyone around, all that mattered to him was Sirius and the ecstasy that was at the base of his spine. He didn't even care that Nymphadora Tonks was sitting in front of him looking heartbroken. If anything, he felt a hint of satisfaction.

He moaned when Sirius grasped his cock and pumped it. Everything was building up all over him to a point that was unbearable. Remus' hands reached back to grasp the glorious globes of Sirius round arse. He shook them for a second, loving how they flexed in his hands. His watery eyes looked up at Sirius, imploringly.

"Do….do you trust me?"

Of course, Sirius nodded. Remus pushed two of his fingers into Sirius open and inviting mouth. The way that skilled tongue wrapped around his digits made his cock twitch and his eyelids fluttered closed. He allowed this to continue until they were wet enough. He removed his fingers with a soft popping sound and lowered them down to his arse once more. He watched the grey eyes darken as Sirius understood what he wanted to do.

For a moment, neither moved, neither spoke, neither fucking breathed.

Finally, Sirius gave him a nod and a breathtaking smile and resumed his assault on the cock and arse beneath him.

Remus thanked God for his long limbs as he reached around and pressed his fingers against that place. That lovely, almost virginal place that begged to be explored a little more. He massaged around the rim until the muscle gave way with little effort. Both his fingers slipped in.

"Wow, Sirius, do you feel that? Do you feel how what it's like to fuck my arse while my fingers are inside you? You are so tight. So warm."

"Your filthy little thing! Ugh, fuck me with them! Shove them deep!"

Remus happily obliged, burying them as far as they could go and hooking them around.

Sirius bit his lips at the ache that came along with the intrusion but he couldn't even begin to deny that was the most erotic thing he could ever think about. His focus was in so many places that his head was spinning. Usually, it was on the outside. In the way Remus' body clenched around him and how beads of sweat dripped down his body onto the pale one beneath him. When Remus had fucked him, it was on the inside. He focused on what the mass within him was doing, on how Remus brushed the most intimate places inside him.

Now it was on both the inside and out. And he couldn't take it anymore.

Louder then either of them had ever been, Sirius screamed as his seed spilled from him. It never seemed to stop, driven on by the overdose of pleasure. He could hear Buckbeak go into a fit down the hall at the noise, he could hear his mother start screaming downstairs, he could hear Kreachers panicked footsteps run away from the door, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was the white hot liquid flooding Remus so much that it leaked out despite Sirius still being in him and how the two long thin fingers were fucking him rapidly, in and out.

"Yes! Cum for me! Blow that hot load all in me, fill me up! Oh, my God! My daddy is so good to me!" Remus' voice was magical. Better then any spell.

Just seconds after he finished, Remus followed suit. His voice escaped him, as it was so intense. A singular tear of pleasure, overwhelmed from the sensations, ran down his cheek. His sperm spilled all over his belly and chest, immediately licked up by the desperate man who simply needed whatever he could get from him.

When the spams finally stopped, they laid down beside each other panting.

"I- I wasn't kidding." Sirius said once his breath returned to him.

"About what, love?"

"You really are a filthy little thing for that."

They both laughed, basking in the afterglow of sex. "I can only hope I won't be walking strange when I see Severus today. He is rather perverted so he will not fail to figure out where my injury originated."

Sirius kissed his temple, rolling over so his head was on his shoulder.

"I forgot about that. I don't want you to go."

"I will be back before you know it. Maybe we can get some cleaning done and then have a romantic dinner."

Sirius smiled into his chest, "We still need to eat breakfast first."

The platter was cold and long forgotten about so they warmed it with a few spells and ate quickly, having worked up an appetite.

"Promise you'll be back soon?" Sirius asked as Remus dressed, sounding like a child who didn't want his mother to leave him at daycare. A child with a sexy baritone voice.

Remus zipped his pants and fastened his belt. "I promise, baby."

He leaned down to grab a shirt but Sirius jumped up and stopped him.

"Here, I think you look better in….this." He pulled out a grey t-shirt from his closet and slipped it over Remus' head. He took one last look at the scarred body. He didn't look away in disgust anymore. It was a part of Remus. He loved it just as much as he loved his smile, his cheeks, his hands, even his toes.

The light grey color of the shirt complemented his pale skin and made his eyes shine beautifully. It was too big for him but something about how it engulfed him was simply cute as hell. Sirius wiped away the salty residue that was the tear that he dropped during his orgasm.

"I love you so damn much."

"I love you too, Sirius."

"Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for tolerating my mood swings and my attitude. Thank you for loving me. Thank for keeping me sane."

Remus kissed his cheek, "Thank you for loving me when the world hates me. And I'm sorry."

Sirius frowned. What should he sorry for? What type of confession did he have?

"For what?"

Remus smiled sadly, "For punching you."

It took all he had not to laugh. "No need to apologize. For all it's worth, I am proud of you. I always knew you were hiding muscles in there somewhere."

_Sorry I haven't been updating as often as I was. It's finals time so I've been studying like crazy. I needed some smut to cheer me up :) Please review ya'll!_


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Remus always hated the floo network. It was hot, ashy, and sickening. But he knew he had no other option to get into Hogwarts so he took it. His stomach protested the burning, spinning sensation as he traveled from Grimmuald place to the dark dungeons of Hogwarts.

He stepped out the fire just as it returned to it's normal color and dusted the ashes off his t-shirt. He didn't want to defile anything of Sirius'.

Severus Snape was looking rather surprised at him as he sat as his desk, slapping failing grades over students papers. "Lupin? What are you doing here?"

Remus let his eyes drift over the dark office for a moments, remembering the last time he was in here. He and the potions master had gotten into a row about Severus constantly hinting at his infliction towards students.

"I came to ask you about something Harry told me and Sirius last night." His voice was stern, like he was disciplining a student. Severus' eyes narrowed.

"What about?"

"I believe you already know."

Severus filed his parchments into a stack and put them into a drawer. He stood and crossed over to the room. He would have been imposing if it weren't for the fact that Remus was several inches taller then him.

"It is my decision to end my lessons with Potter."

"And I ask you to reconsider. If not for Harry, then do it for Dumbledore. It was his orders that you taught him everything you know of-"

"Dumbledore is not headmaster anymore. I am not obligated to do anything."

"It is my knowledge that he did not request this as Headmaster but as leader of the Order of the Phoenix! He still holds that title." Remus tried to keep his voice steady but something about the arrogant way in which Severus was speaking to him tested his nerves.

"Look, if you are so concerned then why don't you crack open those text books you used to stay buried in and learn some of it so you can teach him."

"Why don't you stop being so difficult with everyone! You cannot change the past, Severus. Being bitter now will not fix anything."

As soon as Remus says it, he regrets it. Severus will fire back with something deeply insulting, it's guaranteed.

He should have been a seer because sure enough, Severus gives him a twisted sneer, "You dare to question my motives, wolf? I have loved and I have lost, this I will not deny. But I would rather be in my position then yours."

In the far corner of the office, a potion boiled violently, almost masking Remus' voice as he whispered. "What is my position? Since you seem to believe you know me so well."

"A pathetic, weak wolf. An animal. No one could ever love you so you lived in the woods in isolation where you belonged. You overstepped your boundaries and dared to enter the _human _world and look at you now. A fuck toy for a man who would rather have anyone in the world but due to his imprisonment had to take what he could. Is that what you want? Just to be there to swallow whatever he gives you whenever he even looks at you funny."

Remus couldn't even think of a reply. He stepped back, mouth agape as he took in what he was told. He had been told thousands of times that he was a monster, filth, unloved. But now it cut deep.

He had only one defense. "You're wrong…about me and Sirius. I've loved him since I was so young, as long as you loved Lily. Yes, Severus, I know loved her. I am not just some toy for him to play with!" Remus was ashamed of how his voice cracked with emotion as he spoke. He couldn't allow himself to cry.

"How touching. I suppose you wish to be Mrs. Black, don't you? Even if Sirius truly has given up his fickle ways, you will only be even more of an outcast. It would be a joke; a convicted mass murderer with a bounty on his head running away and marrying a starving werewolf."

He closed the distance between him and Remus, chest to chest, and whispered in his ear.

"I was a fool to love Lily Evans. She was nothing but a mudblood. Harry reminded me of this when he unlocked the memory that I pushed away. I will never aid a child of hers." His black eyes were like coals as they bore into Remus' face, his harsh breath made him wince.

"As for this affair you have with Black right now….if his name is ever cleared he will leave you behind and return to his womanizing behavior. I'll put money on it."

The silence was painful as he pulled back. They stared at each other, unwilling to test how much farther this could go without turning physical.

Finally, "Leave my office, Lupin. Or I will report this to the _new_ headmaster."

Remus didn't even think to say anymore as he turned as faced the fire. He reached into the small pot atop the mantle and tossed the floo powder into the flames. His chest was tight and his jaw hurt as he fought to keep it from trembling. He simply couldn't cry in front of Severus Snape. Snivellus.

"Grimmauld Place!" He forced out, stepping into the flames.

The spinning was just a severe as always but the sound of wind rushing in his ears drowned out the sob that he chocked out.

When he reached his destination, he hoped to simply down in bed and feign exhaustion so he wouldn't have to speak of the conversation. But his body had other plans.

His knees crashed to the floor of the living room and he doubled over crying. He had truly spent all his adult life alone, miserable. But he had been so happy to have found that his childhood love was requited. Was it really because Sirius had no other options?

His mind flashed back,

_It was dark and cloudy out as he came home to see his parents. The air was thick and still, the silence before the storm. He apparated onto the front step and knocked on the door._

"_Remus! You're early!" His mothers voice was shrill with happiness as she threw her arms around his neck. He hugged her back, never getting enough of her motherly behavior._

"_Hello, mum."_

_She rushed him in, complaining about how skinny was, asking him if he was eating. Of course he told her yes, though it wasn't true. James had been paying his rent on his flat out of the kindness of his heart but Remus still wasn't able to afford food. _

_After a meal and some reminiscing with his parents, he retired to his old bedroom. His mind was anywhere but on the weekend had had planned to stay here. Just a few hours ago, he had gone to visit Sirius. He wasn't sure what he had hoped for, maybe just to stir the fire that was his hope that someday, anyday he would make Sirius his. Of course, Padfoot let him in, smiling. He was so handsome in his youth, untainted by his imprisonment. Remus took a moment to stare at his flawless milky skin and Adonis-like body as Sirius closed the door behind them and taking Remus cloak from him to hang it up. But then he noticed they weren't alone. A woman was there, sitting on the couch across the room. A voluptuous, beautiful, tall woman with flowing blonde hair and green eyes._

"_This is Emilia," Sirius introduced. He gave Remus a smile and a wink that told Remus that he planned to shag her over the moon as soon as night, and her defenses, fell._

_Remus was courteous to her, smiling and laughing as they sat down for beer, but inside he wanted her gone. Gone from the flat, gone from his memories, gone from Sirius' life. Sirius seemed rather fond of her, playing with her hair and even kissing her hand when she handed him a new bottle. Remus felt electricity shoot through his own hand as though it had been him who had received that delicacy. She giggled and leaned over to kiss him and Remus stood, excusing himself. The abruptness of it made Sirius give him a confused look, breaking the kiss with that bitch. "So early?"_

"_Yes, I am spending the weekend with my parents."_

"_If you must. Tell them I said hello, won't you, mate?" Sirius stood and retrieved Remus' cloak. "Take care. Things are getting rough out there."_

_Remus nodded and left without saying anymore._

_He tugged at the old sheets on his bed as he tried to figure out what those women had that he didn't. It wasn't hard; it was too obvious. Money, good looks, unscarred bodies, charm, and a vagina, of course. He wished he could just stop the feeling that Sirius gave him, the butterflies and the tingles._

"_Remus."_

_He jumped. He had been so caught up in his depression that he didn't notice his father open his door. His mother was right next to him. When you are in love, you never leave each others side._

"_Oh, hello,"_

"_Remus, we would like to speak with you. May you please come downstairs?"_

_He nodded and followed them down to the den. When he was little, he would walk between them, holding onto each of their hands, but now he stayed slightly behind them, easily able to see over them. Even his big burly father._

_He was a tad bit nervous when they all sat down. He felt as though he was about to be interrogated._

"_Son, what to happened to that Erica girl?" his mother asked, tentatively. His brow furrowed in confusion._

"_It didn't work out." He remembered her well. Tall, strong, with long dark hair and grey eyes. _

"_How come you haven't brought anyone else home to us? Me and John would like to know what our boy is up to."_

_He shook his head, "There hasn't been anyone else."_

"_Remus, do we look thick to you? We raised you, we know you better then anyone. We know there is someone else." His father said, resting his elbows on his knees._

_Remus didn't know what to do. He hated when attention was on him._

"_Sweetheart, you can tell us anything." His mother smiled reassuringly, though her voice shook._

_His jaw set._

_They knew._

_Somehow, they knew._

_And Remus didn't want to hide it anymore anyway. _

"_There…there is someone."_

"_Do we know her?" His father asked. He seemed to want to keep hope alive that his son wasn't what he thought he was. No father wanted that._

_Remus didn't know if he should nod or shake his head. So he said softly, eyes on the floor, "You have met before."_

_His mother was more direct, less willing to hide her suspicions. "Is it Sirius? Or James?"_

_Silence._

_Awkward silence._

_Painfully awkward silence._

"_Sirius,"_

_In his peripheral vision, he saw his father release a heavy breath and bury his face in his hands._

"_Father, I'm sorry!" his voice was heavy with shame._

"_It's okay."_

"_No, I really am-"_

"_It's okay!"_

"_I shou-"  
>"ENOUGH!" John Lupin's voice was deep and scary as he barked, making his son and wife flinch. "I love you, Remus. I always will. But….dammit, don't you see how difficult this will make things? You are already different, now you will only be ostracized more."<em>

_He stood up with enough force that he chair he was on tumbled back against the wall as he spoke and paced the room, hands running through his almost fully grey hair. Like a caged wolf._

"_John, please. Remus is old enough to know the consequences of his actions!"_

"_He is still a teenager, Marilyn! He doesn't know what he is getting himself into with this!"_

"_I don't plan on telling anyone!" Remus interjected as his mother began to speak again, "Not even Sirius! He will never feel the same. It is just a phase in my life, I promise. When it is over, I will give you the daughter-in-law and the grandchild you have always wanted."_

_He was lying. He knew it. He wasn't sure what he felt towards his friend but he doubted it would go away anytime soon, if ever. But maybe if he said it enough, he would believe it._

"_No. This isn't about us, Remus. It's about you. We want you to be happy. All love is pure. But you must understand if you were to ever act on these urges you have, towards any man, you can never take it back. It will be apart of you, as much as the bite on your arm." His mother said, hand on his knee._

"_You aren't ashamed?"_

"_No. Disappointed slightly. But never ashamed. Your mother and I are in it for the long run with you no matter what. Just give me time to get used to it." Remus looked at his father, happiness swelling. He had dreaded this day, fearing it would be so much worse._

"_I love you both."_

"_And we love you."_

_His father crossed the room and opened his arms to him. He stood and stepped into the embrace. As he hugged his father, he knew Sirius was probably dick deep in whats-her-face right now._

For a memory, the feel of the hug was oddly real. He could feel the warmth and softness of skin and hear the breathing in his ear. And then he remembered where he was.

Doubled over on his knees on the floor on Sirius' home, tears running down his long nose. But now he wasn't alone. Sirius was there, sealing him into his hold. Remus' nose burned at the acidic scent of the cleaners that came from him and the abandoned rags and spray bottles on the floor a few yards away.

"What did he say to you, Remus? I'll kill him. Let me see, are you injured? Did he hurt you?"

Sirius actually began to check for signs of abuse when Remus pushed him off and down to the floor. "Don't touch me!"

Furious tears had replaced the hurt ones as he glowered at the surprised man. He ran his arm across his cheek but new drops quickly replaced the old.

"Remus….what's wrong?" Sirius looked thoroughly hurt.

"What…."

"Yes?"

"What am I to you?" He could hardly get the sentence out as more then broken pants. When did he ever lose control like this so much?

This seemed to catch the animagus off guard. "Oh, my. I don't believe we ever stop to label what we have. I think the title "boyfriend" suits us."

"Why now?"

Sirius moved so the he was in front of Remus again, but he didn't touch him. He sat on his heels and frowned. "What do you mean?"

Remus managed to dry his face now as his dignity kicked in and didn't allow anymore drops to fall. He wasn't some whiney woman.

"Why is it that I have been trying for years and you brushed me off, but as soon as you are alone and unable to just run out and fuck anyone, suddenly I am beautiful and just your type?"

Sirius stared hard at him with a set face. His temper was always quick to rise but it had been less then a day since he was forgiven for his last outburst, he didn't want to test his luck.

"I was young. I never thought of anything beyond my physical needs. Commitment and love and even sharing a bed overnight was absurd to me. I didn't even catch all the signs you were giving me even though I see them all now."

Remus rose to his feet and Sirius did the same, standing before him in the same manner that Severus had but it was more effective. Sirius was big.

"Curious how you suddenly see it now. Now that I am the only hole you can fuck." He is being crude and bitter but maybe he should be. What Severus had said had cut him in a way that he hadn't felt in many years. Not since a little child started screaming and pointing his direction when she learned he was a werewolf nine years ago.

"C'mon, Remus, you are smarter then this. You know this is wrong. Do you think I would have been as worried and just plain torn up inside when you were gone? Do you think I would be so determined to treat you like a king? Do you think I would have let you take me? No, I would do the bare minimum to keep you happy and then shag your brains out to ensure you keep coming back just like I did all those broads."

It was so true it was sickening. Sirius used to be a serial cheater and he never gave a damn enough to go out of his way for his girls.

Remus' face began to flush with embarrassment. He still felt the awful ache that came from the words that had been spat at him like acid but he was ashamed that he immediately came and took it out on Sirius.

Sirius saw his defenses began to give in and attacked the crack.

"Do you remember our kiss that morning on the roof? The first time we had sex? What we did this morning? If you think that was just a simple fuck then you are mad."

Remus raised his hands in defeat and laid them on Sirius' chest. "I'm sorry."

"I have had my share of outbursts. Do not apologize."

"You didn't deserve that."

"All the same. Now, tell me. What did Severus say to you to make you feel that way? And I know you well enough to know when you are lying to me."

Remus wrapped his arms around him and pressed his head against that place on Sirius' chest where his heartbeat was the loudest. "Just repeated everything I have been told since I was bit. That I am unlovable and monstrous. He said you only were with me because you couldn't have anyone else."

"He is the unlovable one! I highly doubt he has even lost his virginity! And in his bitterness he attempts to make others like him. Don't let him do that to you."

Remus gave him a small smile. "I won't."

Sirius pulled him back enough to give him a kiss full on his lips. He pulled back far too soon and Remus leaned in blindly for more, stumbling when he found that Sirius was no longer right in front of him. Instead, he had taken a few steps back and was watching Remus and scratching his chin as though trying to decide something.

"What is it?"

"I'm trying to decide if I like you more with the shirt on or off? Maybe we should have a go with it on so I can figure it out."

Remus laughed, "You are insatiable! Please, give me a rest or I will end up bedridden!"

_Several people said they liked the insight on Remus' childhood and honestly, I enjoyed writing it so I figured I'd give it another go. Let me know what ya'll think because I just may write a little bit about the Black family :) and wish me luck, I start my finals tomorrow morning!_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

"Isn't this a sight for sore eyes," Sirius beamed from the top of the stairs. He had spent the past few hours in his mothers bedroom, stroking Buckbeaks feathers. He was counting each minute, each second, until the door opened.

Remus gave him a half smile as he closed the heavy door. His face was bruised and worn but his eyes shined with light.

"Hello, Padfoot."

Sirius bounded down the stairs and gave him a huge kiss, full, wet, and screaming of passion. Remus submitted into the embrace and he was sheathed in the warmth that was being given to him.

"Happy Birthday, Moony."

Remus has spent the past few years alone on March 10th, wishing for the company of his old friends. When he was a professor, he told no one of the day, accepting the birthday wishes from the few who knew and the previous year Sirius had been out in the woods. Now, he hadn't even hoped for much. Just a kiss is all he needed.

Sirius willingly gave him this and many more. He littered Remus' face with soft pecks, brushing his chapped lips over the purple and blue skin.

"You're an old man now," he joked, smiling against his forehead.

Remus laughed, "You are more ancient then me, darling."

Sirius remembered the endless elderly jokes he had been victim to on his birthday back in November. Tonks had even bought him a cane for laughs. "Ah, we will be old and grey before we even know it."

Remus, who was already going grey, kissed the sensitive flesh behind Sirius' ear. "We will be one of those adorable elderly couples."

"Yes, we will. Growing old doesn't seem bad if I can do it with you."

"C'mon now, you two. Save all that sappy stuff for later." A deep booming voice interrupted.

Remus jumped but Sirius merely smiled. He had forgotten that Kingsley had spent the night in one of the guest bedrooms.

"Happy Birthday, mate." He gave Remus a quick one-armed hug, "Have you celebrated yet?"

"I was just hoping to have a few drinks during dinner," the wolf smiled. Sirius knew that mischievous half grin anywhere. It said '_and then have a certain man for dessert._'

"A wonderful idea!" Kingsley declared, "I believe some alcohol is always a good idea. Lead the way, Black! You are the expert in this field."

"Are you drinking again?" Remus pulled back a little against Sirius' embrace, looking at him with a stern expression.

"Er- no. Just every once in awhile." He shot Kingsley a 'shut the hell up' look to which the man shrugged.

Remus looked ready to scold him and demand to know where he was getting the liquor but Sirius gave him another kiss.

"So how were the tunnels?" He changed the subject, leading them down to the kitchen.

"It's getting rougher. He is gaining more followers by the minute. I cannot continue to convince them that we are just like everyone else when they continue to act like savages."

"Greyback openly declared his allegiance to Voldemort a few days ago. Not that we didn't already know it but usually this would have resulted in Azkaban. But Fudge is so caught up in his own world that he said it was just a publicity act." Kingsley told them.

They sat at the kitchen table and Sirius waved his wand at the cupboard. Three glasses and a bottle of the finest scotch in Diagon Alley hovered to them.

Kingsley poured them their drinks and they clinked them together. "To Remus! Our favorite werewolf." The black man grinned.

Sirius smiled at Remus' blush but turned back to the auror.

"Is there any news of the break out yet?"

"Still no recovery's. Where he managed to hide a dozen of the most wanted killers in Britain is a mystery to me."

"It's not like Lestrange to stay quiet. She is probably right at Voldemorts side now."

"The bounty went up on your capture when they escaped."

"Because they think he helped them?" Remus frowned.

Kingsley nodded. "I have still been trying to convince them you are in India but some muggle reported seeing you in France-" Sirius snorted "-so it's a hard battle to win."

"Well, at least it's still out of the country. Let their ministry sweat it out." Remus put his hand of Sirius' arm as he spoke, fingers lightly rubbing the skin.

"But it's still a little too close for comfort. If anyone were to even hint that he is merely a five minute ride from the Ministry, they would tear the whole city apart looking for him."

"Guess we better make sure Mudungus doesn't rat me out then, eh?" Sirius joked.

"I'd kill him first. Don't even fret over that." Remus assured.

Kingsley took a deep drink and watched them as Sirius leaned down to kiss his cheek, earning a chuckle.

"I got to ask. When did this start?"

"Hmmm?" Sirius looked at him, still smiling a little bit at how precious the wolf was.

"When did you two…well, you know."

"December, officially. But I've been feeling it since the summer. He…well crept up on me."

"And you, Remus?"

Remus finished his scotch and poured himself another a glass. "Twenty long, torturous years. Well, twenty-one as of today."

Kingsley gaped. "That long? And did you ever do or say anything until recently?"

Remus laughed at this, "That's not something you simply tell someone. My parents knew but other then that no one. I'd rather be his friend then nothing at all."

"Your parents knew?" Sirius asked, slightly surprised. He remembered John and Marilyn Lupin as being straight edged but insanely loving towards their only child.

"They pretty much figured it out and there was no point in hiding it. It was when I was nineteen."

"They didn't mind?"

"No, Kingsley, they didn't. Surprised me too. They weren't exactly thrilled but they didn't speak negatively of it."

"So, which one of you made the first move?"

"Me," Sirius grinned. "I couldn't hold it in anymore." He kissed Remus' temple to illustrate his point. Kingsley looked slightly uncomfortable as he averted his eyes but Sirius couldn't give less of a damn. It felt right to demonstrate it- parade his affection for the wolf.

They talked over dinner and laughed as they made jokes about other order members. They made fun of Tonks' insane hairstyles, Severus mopey attitude, Molly's mood swings, and everything else that seemed entertaining. Remus allowed Sirius to drink to his hearts contempt and had one too many himself.

Kingsley excused himself after they finished and as soon as he was gone, they collapsed into bed together,

"Could you really not stand it anymore?" Remus asked as they lay side by side, facing each other. Their clothes were long gone as he ran his hand along Sirius' jaw, eyes taking him in as though he couldn't get enough.

"You were making me go mad. Everything you did was tormenting. The way you bite your lip when you are reading, the way you smile when you are up to something, the way you curl up and bury your face in the arm of my couch when you are tired…it was almost as though you are begging me to come hold you and shield you from the darkness."

"I would have loved it if you had."

Sirius frowned, taking Remus' roaming hand in his. "But you were acting as though nothing happened. As though we hadn't had that moment in this very bed."

"I replayed it every second. I wanted more but I couldn't bring myself to believe it was real. I thought you were drunk or high or some form of intoxicated. Or maybe Greyback had confounded me.

"But when I was wounded that night, I just wanted you to be there. I wasn't very conscious but I was aware of everyone and I was…._humiliated. _But not when you came. Not one bit."

Sirius kissed him, letting his lips linger on the thin but talented ones that he loved. "I thought my world was over. When I first saw you, I thought you were dead. I couldn't breathe. But then you moved. Most beautiful sight in the world."

Remus laughed against his mouth, "Me wounded?"

"Your movement. It was my evidence you were still alive."

Sirius rolled on his back and pulled Remus on top of him, "You are my light in the shadows now. Never in all my life have I felt this strongly for anyone and it came out of nowhere. Like…"

"Like?"

"Like something has been broken-no- fixed inside me. Instantly. I'm not perfect. We both know this all too well but I feel like I can be perfect as long as I have you." Sirius let his head fall back into the pillow and his eyes drifted closed. He basked in the warmth that was seeping through his pores and igniting every single nerve end that came in contact with Remus.

He felt Remus bury his hands in his hair, massaging his scalp. "Do you want to know the single moment that it was the hardest not to tell you how I felt?"

"I would love that."

"It was the night of James and Lily's wedding. I remember hardly looking at anyone other you. If only you could understand how handsome you were that night. You laughed, you smiled, you joked, you danced. It felt as though my body was going to betray me and rape you right there in the middle of the reception!"

"Oh dear, that would have been quite the scandal!" Sirius teased.

Remus smiled but continued on, "By the end of the ceremony, I began to realize I stood no chance at all. I drank and drank and drank until it didn't hurt so much. I was so drunk that I couldn't even apparate home. Do you remember where I went that night?"

"I took you to my flat on my motorcycle."

"Do you remember saying that I was holding onto you too high? You took my hands in yours and moved them down so they were around your waist and pulled me closer. Not even caring as I snuggled into your back."

"I remember thinking that you were asleep."

"Er…well I passed out halfway. I did say I was drunk right?"

Sirius nodded, "I didn't want to leave you alone since you were so pissed. I carried you into my flat and laid you in my bed."

"You slept on the couch, you bastard. You should have slept in the bed with me."

Should have. Could have. Sirius could think of plenty of those now. He should have held Remus tighter when they confronted him about his affliction. He should have apologized immediately after the prank. He should have paid more attention to how Remus' eyes lit up whenever he saw him. He should have noticed the way Remus greeted him when he came home to tell him that they were moving to Grimmauld Place. He had left Remus' cottage to meet up with Dumbledore and returned the next day as Padfoot, drawing a smile from him. Remus bent over and scratched behind his ears. Padfoot barked happily and then turned back to Sirius, who eyes were still closed in pleasure as Remus' hands didn't leave their place. It was several seconds before he allowed his arms to fall to his side, blushing hard.

"I have you now, Remus." He said to both of them. "I'm sorry I made you suffer for so long but it's over now. I'll make up for the time we lost."

"Do it now." Remus pulled himself onto his elbows and looked straight into his eyes.

"How?"

"Make love to me. No dominance, no submission. This is not the time. I want to feel you in your purest form. I want you to look into my eyes and see yourself as I see you."

Sirius rolled them over again, placing Remus beneath him. "I don't want you to make a sound. Not even a whimper. Nothing to distract you from everything you are going to feel."

Remus nodded and pressed his fingers to his lips, promising silence.

That night, Sirius made passionate love to him. Their bodies were alive and on fire. Raw and exposed. Hands drifted over tender and sweaty flesh. Lips and tongues massaged moist trails as they wrote their names into each others chests.

No sounds were made but the pleasure and orgasms were as intense as ever. Remus' eyes widened as he came though he couldn't see anything as blackness took him for the duration of his euphoria. When he was able to take in his surroundings again, he saw Sirius mouth his name as he climaxed. Though Sirius said nothing, Remus heard him loud and clear in his mind.

_Remus!_

_I know that my timeline is a little askew as Remus' birthday but several weeks prior to some of the recent events but I just realized I somehow skimmed past it. Also, I am so sorry that took me so long! Finals were hell. HELL. Fuck college. Fuck work. Fuck bills. Had great sex with the bf though so things are looking up ;) enjoy the story and please review!_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

"Just a little more, Remus. I promise someone is coming to fix this." Sirius assured him as he wrapped another warm cloth around the swollen and bruised foot.

Remus winced but nodded. There had been a brawl in the tunnels in which a large man was knocked down on top of Remus' leg, breaking his foot. He had hobbled away until it was safe to apparate home.

"Is it too hot?" Sirius asked as he watched a little steam rise from the towel.

"No, it's helping to soothe it. Thank you."

"Anytime. Maybe I should attempt to learn to heal broken bones since this seems to be your favorite thing to do." He teased.

Remus laughed and leaned over for a kiss, "You do so much for me already."

"And I would do more if I could."

Sirius settled back against the couch as Remus' injured foot rested in his lap. He ran his fingers along the soft skin of Remus' thigh. He loved this part of his body. Remus' thighs were something that most people easily overlooked as simply being apart of his body but Sirius saw it as the gateway to a place only he was allowed into. A gateway to pleasure, love, passion, and sensuality. It was the same for his lower belly. To most, just a boring body part. To Sirius, it was the place that hid him when he was where he belonged.

The door opened upstairs and Remus immediately made to move but Sirius held his leg steady, "Do not fret, Remus. There is nothing questionable about this. Just a friend helping another."

The wolf nodded obediently and allowed his leg to continue resting in his lap as soft footsteps came down the stairs.

"Wotcher," Tonks smiled at them both, arms laden with rolls of parchment. Sirius flicked his wand at her and the rolls flew over the to the kitchen table in the next room. Better to take them from her now other then let her trip and drop them.

Tonks frowned slightly at their position and fought not to make eye contact with Remus.

"What happened?" She nodded at his swollen foot.

"Just a small injury. Nothing severe. Madam Promfry is busy at the moment but she will be here to mend it when she can."

"Just killing time until then?"

"Yes ma'am."

Tonks looked at her cousin, "Sirius, Dumbledore has a message for you. He didn't tell me but he informed Phineas."  
>"Oh, okay. I'll go see what it is." Gingerly, he lifted Remus leg and set it on top of a small mountain of pillows to keep it elevated, placing the warm towels on the floor. He gave Remus a very secretive smile before hurrying away.<p>

Awkward could barely begin to describe the feeling that was between the wolf and the metamorphaugus. Remus lay on the couch with his arm tossed across his face and Tonks leaned against the wall.

Finally, Remus spoke. "I am sorry that I was rude to you last time I saw you."

"It's fine." Her voice was hard.

"I will not apologize for pushing you away. But I want you to understand I meant no disrespect."

"Who are you with?"

He moved his hand and looked up at her.

"Who is she?"

"There is no 'she'." He answered truthfully.

"Then why?" Tonks abandoned her attempt to be stoic. Her voice rose with emotion. "Why did you push me away? You can't possibly be happy all alone like this! I can give you what you want!"

Remus sat up, carefully lowering his sore foot to the floor. "You cannot give me what I want. I have it. I am very happy the way I am now. Sure, I hate the conditions that I am living in and my unemployment but you do not understand as much as you think you do."

"What I do understand is that I kissed you, threw myself at you, and you acted as though I had done something awful! Am I that replusive? Do you truly not see anything in me?"

"Why am I the bad guy just for not wanting you as well? I cannot say I don't enjoy your company because I do. But not in that way."

Tonks narrowed her eyes. "That's bullocks, Remus. You would rather be alone then with me. Fine, I understand."

The silence was heavy once more. Remus rubbed at the bridge of his nose. She was like one of the teenagers he used to teach. So convinced that she knew everything when in fact she had no clue.

"Tonks, I can tell I am getting nowhere with this. I just hope things will someday be like it used to be."

"Like it used to be? Like it was when we first met? With me pining for you and you treating me like I am a child. Because that's how it's going to be! This isn't some schoolgirl crush!"

She threw herself to her knees before him and seized his shirt. He remembered all the times he nearly did this to Sirius.

"Please…..stop." he said weakly. He felt awful because in her eyes he saw his own desperation. His own pain.

"You know what I want."

Remus began to shake his head when a hard, cold, _angry _voice broke the even colder tension.

"Tonks, I think you should go. Now."

Sirius had somehow crept down the stairs without their noticing and Remus was now painfully aware of how close Tonks had drawn to him. Their faces were a few inches away from each other and her hands were balled up in the fabric of the jumper Sirius had given him.

The young woman stared up at Sirius with eyes that were beginning to tear up.

"Please…Sirius, just give me and Remus a moment."

Lethal couldn't even begin to describe the look that crossed Sirius' face. He was irate.

"No! Leave."

"Tonks, you need to go." Remus' voice was gentler, less abrasive. While Sirius demanded, he pleaded.

She had that trademark Black stubbornness. "Just two seconds! I am having a conversation-"

"I believe I just told you to go. That means take your fucking hands of _my man_ and get out!"

The look that crossed Tonks face was almost laughable. Her hands fell from his chest and she looked between them stunned.

"You said there was no 'she'." Her lips barely moved as she slowly asked for confirmation.

"And there isn't."

A shadow fell across her pale, heart shaped face. It was the same one Remus had worn for two long decades as Sirius broke his heart the same way he was breaking hers now. Without another word, she stood and flew up the stairs.

The door slammed with an odd sense of finality.

One problem down, other one to go.

Sirius' face was set as he stared down at Remus, whose face was buried in his hands in embarrassment.

Once again, always the bigger man, Remus spoke first, "Sirius, baby, please hear me-"

"She kissed you."

The words were spat with an accusatory tone. It made the wolf wince.

"Yes. She did."

"When?"

"The day after I stormed out after our row in our bedroom. I had went to have dinner with her family and she cornered me in the porch-"

"Wait what? You had dinner with her? What the fuck was that supposed to be? A date?"

"No, just a-"

"What? Just a what? A chance to get to know her and your future family better?"

Remus sprang to his feet and immediately regretted it. His foot screamed with pain and he fell forward.

No matter how angry Sirius was with him, he couldn't see Remus hurt. So when he saw the gasp and collapse he lunged forward and caught him.

Remus clutched at him and looked into his eyes desperately. "I want you! You! It's always been that way!"

"You need to calm down before you get hurt more."

"Sirius, listen! I am not going to calm down until you finally understand me!"

In the past few months, Sirius had seen Remus' reserve crumble in ways that he never thought he would. Everything from a naked begging slag in his bed to a crumbled up sobbing mess on a cold floor. But this was a new one. In pain, grimacing, on his feet solely due to his hands on Sirius' shirt and Sirius' grasp around his torso.

"Remus, please. Let me get you off that foot."

"Tell me you understand!"

Sirius was unable to take it anymore. He just wanted Remus to lie down and rest. He cupped the hollow cheeks in his hands, "Okay, Remus. I understand. I do. You love me like I love you. Now please, lay down." He kissed him to seal in the authenticity of his words.

Remus' face calmed down immediately and he nuzzled his nose in the crook of Sirius' neck. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me."

Sirius guided Remus to the couch and stretched him out across it. He used his wand to reheat the towels and began wrapping them around it. His mind was alive with questions but he didn't trust himself to ask them. He wanted to know how many times Remus was with Tonks over that period of time, what led up to the kiss, and how Remus reacted to it. But that would be a later conversation.

The brunette looked up at him with gentle eyes, wondering. Sirius kissed him in-between his eyes.

Was it really his fault that he was protective of his Remus? He couldn't help it. Moony was the kind of man who the whole world would want if the knew him. The real him. He had to make sure he kept him all to himself.

_Broke my foot yesterday. Got my bf's prom this saturday. How fun, right? :) I hope ya'll enjoy the story! I promise to try to start updating more often but I am going as fast as I can now. Please review and let me know what ya'll think!_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

It was amazing how he never tired of the taste of this wonderful flesh. Sirius dipped his head back down and allowed his tongue to drag along Remus' bare shoulder. He watched with half-lidded eyes as his pink tongue met the creamy white of his lover.

Remus' long thin hands wound into Sirius' hair, holding him close, body sluggish from sleep. He radiated a heat that they knew all too well.

"Full moon tonight?" Sirius ghosted his lips up Remus' craned neck to his mouth. The pale sunlight seemed to shine right through the wolf.

Remus nodded, still securing Sirius against his body. His eyes were darkening quickly as the wolf within scratched at the inside of his flesh.

"Then you will rest today. I will get you anything you need."

"It's rather beautiful out, isn't it?" Remus' voice was heavy and hoarse.

Sirius turned his head to look out the window. Indeed, it was quite a sight. From here, he could see the sun rising over the new and old buildings of London. If he was not trapped within the hell of this house, he would attempt to enjoy it.

"I suppose. Spring is fading into summer. Always a magnificent time of the year."

"A good time for Moony and Padfoot to play, don't you think?"

Sirius sat back onto his shins in surprise. It had been months since he spent the full moon with Remus. "Well, yes. It has been awhile. Is- is that what you want?"

Remus pulled himself into a sitting position and caressed the side of Sirius' face tenderly. With a small, kind smile, he nodded.

Sirius' face split into a massive grin. He turned into the hand and kissed the palm.

"Wonderful! I will get us something to eat while you rest!"

He planted a kiss onto the waiting lips and bounded from the room, pulling a pair of boxers over his hips. As May faded into June, he had become so restless that he was beginning to snap at anyone for anything. Remus always brushed it off and allowed Sirius to make it up to him with an intense makeup shag but other people took offense and came less and less.

They still hadn't heard anything from Tonks.

Remus looked obviously upset about how things had to end with her but a few kisses and cuddles always pulled him out of the darkest mood. Sirius couldn't deny he missed his little cousin but if she was going to try to take Remus from him then good riddance.

Kreacher was in the kitchen when Sirius arrived, sobbing over something. Sirius ignored him and began preparing some eggs and ham. His mind was stuck on the adventures that the evening would bring.

"_Master…..oh, Master….."_ Kreacher moaned. His wrinkled back was turned to Sirius as he huddled in a corner.

Sirius frowned, it wasn't often that Kreacher cried over his father. He charmed the food to cook itself and approached the house elf.

"What you got here?"

"Master dare speak to Kreacher. Oh, how Kreacher wishes for Master Regulus back."

Sirius snatched Kreacher by the shoulder and forced him to turn to him. Clutched in his claw-like hands was a long black robe.

"What- is-" Sirius seemed at a loss for words. "Is this my brothers? Have you been taking my brothers things?"

Kreacher stood up in a blatant attempt at defiance, huge eyes staring at his last living master. "Master Regulus' things will not be destroyed! Not when Krea-"

Kreacher threw himself down and began bashing his head into the floor, punishing himself for speaking to Sirius in such a way.

Sirius watched him for a moment before prying the robe out of the elfs hands. Nothing mattered as he ran the dusty fabric through his fingers.

Regulus was almost as tall as Sirius but much slighter and it was obvious in the size of the cloak. The fabric was dirty but silky, made of the finest material known to the wizard world.

Sirius remembered the last time he saw this cloak. He dropped down onto the floor and laid it across his lap.

_The house was just as he remembered. Beautiful, glorious, filled with riches. But it was not his home. Not now. Not then. Not ever._

_Sirius stepped into the entrance hall and closed the door behind himself. He looked at the heads of the house elfs and searched for Kreachers but to his mild surprise it wasn't there. Strange. Usually house elfs were beheaded as soon as they hit fifty._

_He heard crying downstairs and frowned. He had received a letter from his mother a few hours ago speaking of terrible tragedy and calling him home. It had been four years since he ran away and he hadn't heard from them before._

_Carefully, nervously, he descended down the narrow staircase. He hesitated halfway down, still hidden by the shadows, as he saw a large man he recognized as Victor Crabbe standing before the fireplace. The room was dark, illuminated by a few candles and a fire, but Sirius was able to make out a figure cradled in Crabbe's arms. Surronding him, standing in a circle, was all the remaining Black's. His uncle, aunt, cousins Narcissa, Andromeda, and Bellatrix, and his parents._

_His mother was leaning against his fathers chest in a rare moment of weakness, face buried in his robes as she sobbed uncontrollably. Sirius' frown deepened and he looked into the hard, set face of his father. Two streams of tears fell from Orion Black's emotionless face._

_Shaking now, he was afraid of what he would find. The room reeked of death. But whose?_

_Crabbe set the body onto the floor and pushed a curtain of black hair from the pale, cold face._

_The air seemed to freeze._

_Regulus._

_His baby brother._

_Sure, he wasn't a baby anymore but he was two years Sirius' junior and no matter how much they fought, he loved him._

_But now, he didn't have a brother. He had a dead body on the floor._

_His mother cried harder into the damp chest and his father even broke his façade and let his face twist in despair. Almost drowned by his mothers wails, was the soft sobs and whimpers of his other family members. When Sirius ran away from home, all the attention went to Regulus. He was now the sole heir of the Black fortune and though they both would carry on the Black name, only Regulus' child would be treated with pride._

_But not anymore._

_Sirius felt like a ghost as he drifted forward, sliding past Andromeda and Narcissa, who were clinging to each other. They used to play house with Regulus when he was a baby, pretending he was their child._

_Sirius dropped to his knees and let his hands hover over Regulus' face, scared to touch him._

_He looked like he was sleeping, all he needed was a hard shake and he would wake up. But as Sirius closed his hands onto the frozen cheeks, he knew that wasn't an option._

_Crabbe said that Regulus tried to abandon the Death Eaters and was killed by the Dark Lord himself. His mother immediately stopped her crying. Such a shameful way to die._

_Sirius felt guilt rise within him. The last time he and Regulus spoke was the day he graduated from Hogwarts. Regulus told him his plans to join the Death Eaters and Sirius mocked him, calling him a fool. He told Regulus the only respectable thing to do was leave Voldemort and his followers behind. Regulus died fulfilling his wishes._

_After they had time to mourn and accept that this was no silly joke, Regulus was moved upstairs to his bedroom. Sirius was still crouched down by where the body had laid, staring hopelessly at the carpet._

"_Your brother did a shameful thing." His mothers voice pierced the cool air. Sirius looked up, suddenly aware that it was now just him and her._

"_He did the honorable thing. He saw the error of his ways and left. If only I had known before Voldemort had gotten to him."_

_Walburga Black frowned at him, her eyeliner smeared across her cheeks. She was once so beautiful but the past few years seem to have taken a toll on her. Her hair was greying, her eyes were crinkling, her lips were thinning._

"_Sirius, my son. Bring honor back to our family."_

"_How?"_

"_Complete what your brother did not."_

"_No," Sirius stood. "Regulus and I have never seen eye to eye. Had he lived, we probably never would. But I will not abandon the Order, the people who took me in when I had nothing, and serve the man who murdered my brother."_

_Walburga wiped her face clean and gave him a pleading look. "Sirius, you will have everything again. You can come home, we will add you to the will again, we will restore your place on the tapestry."_

_She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around his waist, forehead resting on his collarbone. He froze at first but then allowed himself to embrace her back. Oh, how he missed his mother's hugs. But it wasn't the same as the ones she would give him as a child when she sang him to sleep. It wasn't the same as the one she gave him the day he left for Hogwarts, only to scream and call him a traitor hours later when he was sorted into Gryffindor._

"_Please, Sirius. Don't leave again. Don't let me lose both my sons in one night."_

_It was the hold of a woman who was losing everything. But Sirius couldn't give her what she so sorely wanted._

_His mind flashed back to his brother, once a stubborn, defiant ball of life- only now did he realize how similar they were- now a cold, empty corpse. Voldemort would pay._

_He reached down and pried his mother's arms off him. She gaped at him, stunned, as he turned and left. Never looking back._

Sixteen years later, Sirius held the robe that Regulus was clad in that night. He remembered his mother begging. She had never done such a thing before him.

The smell of burning food caused him to jump up.

Remus slept most the day as usual, Sirius laying beside him. He drifted in and out of sleep, haunted by dreams of his brothers final moments. Had he begged for his life? Did he stand, stony faced as Voldemort raised his wand? Did he even know the attack was coming before the life was yanked out of him?

Each time Sirius was forced from his nightmare but a jolt, Remus jerked up too. He could tell Sirius was upset but the animagus refused to speak of it, so he curled their bodies together and slept more.

When night fell, they chose a place along the coast to run. The shore was rocky and grey, a harsh contrast to the blue of the ocean that crashed against it. Sirius held Remus' body against his as he weakened. They stared out into the water, lost in the beauty of the sunset.

"Are you ready?" Sirius asked, removing Remus' clothes. The air was no longer frigid; there was nothing to soothe the fire of his skin.

Remus nodded. He swayed in his place as Sirius pulled away long enough to place his clothes a safe distance from him. He almost sighed in relief when he felt the familiar hands support him once more.

The moon began to appear behind a cloud. Sirius gave Remus one last kiss before he watched him disappear just as Regulus had. Physically, he was there. But at the same time, he was not.

Morning came just as quick as last time. Sirius once again turned back into a human and caught Remus just as he fell.

"Easy, easy." He laid him atop a flat rock, kissing his forehead. Remus seemed to have more strength then normal, able to wrap his arms around Sirius' neck and bring him down with him.

"Are you hurting anywhere?"

"Just sore as normal. A few scratches. Last night was an easy one."

"I'm glad to hear that."

Sirius used his wand to call the clothes to them again. He pillowed their jumpers under Remus' head.

"You are so warm. Can I cool you down somehow?"

Remus' amber eyes peeked open enough to look out into the ocean.

"The water." He grunted.

Sirius nodded and carried Remus over to a shallow spot, about chest deep. He knew he would have to be careful. One wrong step and they would fall into deep waters. He removed his shirt but left his pants on as he lowered them into the water. It instantly chilled him but Remus moaned in contentment, the soothing coolness greater then the sting of salt water filling his scratches. Sirius held him up as his temperature dropped, basking in the pale grey dawn. The last time Sirius had been in the ocean was when he swam to shore after his escape. Suddenly, the cold and salt didn't seem all that bad anymore.

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"What's wrong?"

Sirius frowned. "Nothing. Just want to make sure that you are okay."

"Sirius, I am no fool. I know you well."

Damn. Sometimes it was a bad thing to have someone who could see past your every defense. But at the same time, he knew that he needed it off his chest.

"I've been thinking a lot about Regulus."

Remus' gently touched his cheek.

"What of him?"

"How I failed him. He was my brother. I was supposed to protect him, be a role model. Instead I abandoned him when he was most vulnerable. I knew the people he hung around, I should have known that they would convince him to join-"

Remus pressed a finger to his lips. "You did not fail him." he said sternly. "You set the example by joining the Order. Had you not, he probably would have had no motivation to leave the Death Eaters. I am not saying that he would have joined us but you showed him that there were other options then what he did. He was just too far deep in by the time he realized this."

"I just wished I had known as soon as he left. I would have done everything to get to him. I would have sheltered him, protected him."

"Did he not make you proud in the end?"

Sirius hesitated and then nodded. Underneath all the pain he felt, there was pride.

"He was about Harry's age now when you left right? A little younger?"

Sirius nodded again.

"Then do what you wish you could have done with him for Harry. It is June; the school year is almost over. You have a second chance to protect someone so young, someone you love, from Voldemort."

"And we will tell him of us?"

Now it was Remus' turn to nod. "Yes, darling, we will tell him. We will have that family we have both wanted."

Sirius saw chill bumps rise on Remus' arms and knew he was moving from one extreme to another. He lifted the man up so he was sitting on a rock, calves disappearing into the water.

"Don't you want out?"

"No. I haven't felt water like this in years. I'll stay. Do you remember what I said to you the day we had sex in the dining room?" Sirius said as he moved between his legs, leaning against the rock.

"You said a lot of things." Was Remus' reply as he buried his hands in Sirius' hair.

"I said that I cannot marry you. Our society doesn't permit it. But Remus, if I could I would. I would make my own vows, probably stutter and stammer with nervousness and excitement as I looked at you standing before me. I would throw myself onto you as soon as they said I can kiss you. I would carry you through the threshold of our home. And I would make love to you all night."

"You once said you would never marry."

"But I take it back. I want a family. We can't have kids but we have Harry. That will be enough. I want a family with you."

"We will have it. I promise, Sirius.

With that, he leaned down and took Sirius into one of the deepest, longest, most loving kisses they had ever had.

They kissed until they couldn't go another second without breath, until their lips turned dark red, until they forgot what life was like without being joined at the lips. And then they kissed again.

Sirius mind raced as he stood on his toes, wanting more of the sweetness that was being offered to him. What was a wedding? A pointless ceremony to tell the world what the couple already knew. Marriage was what two people were when they were madly and intensely in love. Fuck the wedding.

_Remus. My love. My baby. My darling. My anchor. My husband. My everything._

_The love that last the longest is the love that can never be. I love these two but I hate how tragic their story is. Maybe that's why it's not cannon. It's just too heartbreaking. But please review and let me know how ya'll feel about it! :) Wrote this chapter in about two and a half hours so be kind!_


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

"It's finals week, isn't it?" Sirius asked as he checked the date on the newspaper. Remus nodded absentmindedly and sipped his tea as Sirius smiled. It was almost time for Harry to come home. Almost time to make everything perfect.

"How will we tell him?"

"Hmmm?" Remus looked up from the parchment he was reading as he drank. Sirius placed _The Daily Prophet _down on the table. "How will we tell Harry? Like what is the best way?"

"Ah, I have been wondering that. It's a delicate topic. I don't believe we should crowd him."

Sirius frowned. "Crowd him?"

"Well obviously he is a lot closer to you then he is me, so I feel it should be you and I don't believe I should be there. Allow him to process it."

"He likes you as well, Remus."

"Indeed he does. I grew very close with him during the year I taught at Hogwarts but I can't compete with how much he loves you. You should be straight up with him. He is a tolerant boy but I think he will need a little time to understand."

Sirius nodded and took Remus' hand in his. "It will all work out."

He leaned back and let an image of him and Harry sitting at the kitchen table talking about quidditch and girls (or whatever it was that boy was up to nowadays) while Remus prepared them breakfast fill his mind. He chuckled internally; Remus probably wouldn't want Harry to get the impression that he is a "wife".

"Yes, it will." He kissed Sirius' brow. "I have to go see Kingsley today at work but it shouldn't take more then a few hours."

Sirius stood with him. "About what?"

Remus rolled up the parchment and tucked it into his robes. "There was a sighting of several of those escaped Death Eaters last night."

"Really? Where at?"

"Here. In London. They aren't exactly hiding."

"Too close. What do you think they want here?"

"Hopefully nothing." Remus kissed Sirius again. And again. And again.

Sirius smiled into the assault of kisses and nipped at Remus' bottom lip.

"Come home safe."

"I will, darling."

As soon as the door closed behind the wolf, Sirius returned to his seat at the table. He wished desperately that he could leave but he knew what to do now to occupy his time.

With a wave of his wand, he summoned a piece of parchment, a quill, and a small pot of ink.

_Dear Harry,_

Easy part done. Now the complicated.

He knew it would be best to tell Harry in person. To allow him to see the love that shined in his eyes when he thought of Remus. But he figured it would be a good idea to at least have Harry expecting some great news. Maybe it will brighten the remainder of his finals week.

Now, however, he couldn't seem to think of how to word it.

_I hope finals are going good for you. I just have something to say when I see you._

He erased it with a wave of his wand.

_Summers almost here! I cant wait-_

Hell no. Erase.

_How are Ron and Hermione? Are you finals going okay?_

Damn it. No.

He rested his face in his hands and exhaled. How was he going to do this? It was going to be so awkward. When Kingsley and Severus found out, they had walked in. Dumbledore was just too clever to hide it. And he told Tonks in a fit of anger and jealousy. But now he had to sit there and look him in the face and let the words come out of his mouth.

_Remus and I are in love, Harry._

Would it have been easier to tell James? He was a tolerant man. Sirius frowned as he thought back to a conversation he and James had just a few months before his death when Sirius first proposed the idea that Remus had betrayed them.

_It was beginning to get dark outside of the Potter house as Sirius and James sat on the couch of the sitting room. Lily was upstairs bathing Harry and the men drank their firewhiskey, speaking quietly but rapidly._

"_I don't want to hear another word of it."_

"_Prongs, you can not just deny it because you don't want to believe it."_

"_That's enough. Until you bring me adequate proof, don't even accuse him." _

_Sirius' jaw set but he said nothing else of it. James watched him over his glasses for a moment before saying, barely above a whisper; "It would kill him, if he knew."_

"_What?"_

"_Moony. It would devastate him if he knew you were accusing him of this. Say he is innocent and finds out about this. How do you think he will feel?"_

"_He will forgive me just as he would if it was you who said it."_

_James shook his head and drained his firewhiskey. The dark bottle was in deep contrast to his pale skin. It had been so long since he had seen the sun._

"_It would hurt him a lot more since it is you. More then if it was me or Wormtail."_

"_Why do you think that?"_

_James gave an odd laugh, the kind he only made when he was in disbelief. "You are really telling me you have never noticed?"_

"_Noticed what?" Sirius asked, more forcefully. What was James going on about?_

_James merely chewed on his thumbnail and shook his head. Sirius knew this well enough to know that the conversation was over._

Now, Sirius felt very stupid. James did know. How did James know but he didn't? If all Remus' attention was directed at him, how was he unable to catch on?

Suddenly, he felt anger towards Remus. Why did he hide it so much? He and James used to stay all over him about being so damn shy, always telling him to just put himself out there. If he had just taken their advice, they would have been together much longer. There would have been no suspicion, Peter would have never been made Secret Keeper, Sirius wouldn't have gone to Azkaban, James and Lily wouldn't have died.

"Damn." He swore, banging his fist on the table. The force caused the inkpot to topple over and spill onto the parchment. Sirius watched as the black liquid swirled over the paper and immediately regretted his anger.

Remus wasn't responsible for anything that happened. He was as much of a victim as anyone. Sirius sighed and raised his wand once more, "Evanesco," the table was cleared.

The house taunted him as he stood up and walked out of the basement. He needed to clean and brighten it up more for Harry but that could wait. Right now, he just needed his thoughts.

The roof was always soothing. A fragment of freedom. However, he couldn't seem to bare the thought of watching the world live without him. So he laid down on his back and stared up into the blue sky until his eyelids grew heavy and finally closed.

He became aware of a prodding on his cheek, something long and thin. He swatted it.

"C'mon, sleeping beauty." The voice was amused and the object- a finger, he presumed- poked him again.

Sirius opened his eyes to see Remus' smiling face. It was still daylight but the sun had moved considerably across the sky.

"Moony…." Sirius moaned, shielding his eyes from the sunlight.

Remus leaned down and pressed his lips against Sirius'. He made to pull back but Sirius looped his arms around his neck and held him to him, pushing his tongue into his mouth.

"Oh, dear. You seem to be in a frisky mood."

"I just want you, Remus. So badly."

Remus readjusted himself so his legs were straddling Sirius' hips. He opened his mouth and let their tongues meet in a sloppy, messy, wet, open-mouthed kiss.

Sirius began pulling at his cloak but Remus closed his hands over his.

"Lets get to the bedroom."

"No. Here."

Remus pulled back and looked at him in disbelief. "Here?"

"Yeah," Sirius sat up so Remus was in his lap, thighs on either side of his hips. "It's not like we haven't had sex outside before. And this is even safer since no one can see us but we can see them."

Remus smiled again and nipped at his ear, "You going to bend me over the edge? Fuck me in plain view?"

Sirius held him tightly to him and stood, allowing Remus to wrap his legs around his waist for security. There was a small wall that encased the room, only about waist high, but the perfect height for Sirius to sit Remus down on it and begin mercilessly tearing at his clothes until the bare chest was exposed to him.

Remus held tightly onto him as he was ravaged. He could hear the cars and buses and even make out distinct conversations. Best of all, he could hear the soft lapping as Sirius licked and kissed all over his chest and shoulders.

"Oh, Sirius." He moaned.

The sound drove Sirius on more. His hands flew down to his belt and he had in off in record time. "Hold onto the ledge."

Remus obliged and felt the cool breeze as his cock was freed of its confines only to be instantly engulfed in an even tighter, warmer, wetter confinement. He threw his head back and moaned just as a two woman down the street laughed at some unknown joke. He buried his hands in the raven hair and let his thin legs squeeze tightly around Sirius' body.

The animagus was driven on by the pants of his lover, the breeze of the air, and the pure thrill of sucking him off while the city was alive around him. He hollowed his cheeks and bobbed his head up and down on the long arousal, tasting the delightfully bitter taste of pre-cum in the back of his throat.

Sirius lapped his tongue up and down from tip to base, making sure Remus could see everything. It was so sloppy that a trail of saliva connected Sirius lips to the leaking tip as he pulled back for breath, only to lunge forward and take him back in once more.

Remus began pulling at his shirt, forcing Sirius to pull back just long enough to let it be yanked over his head. He watched the way the muscles in Sirius' powerful back flexed and bunched, the ivory skin glowing in the sunlight. It was so unbelievably beautiful that he had to pull Sirius back off his cock to avoid erupting right there.

Sirius looked up at him with a dazed, lustful look. It was breathtaking. On his knees, head back as Remus' hands were buried in the raven mass of hair, looking at him like there was nothing he wanted more.

Remus stood up and pulled Sirius up with him. They were so focused on staring at each other, at memorizing every detail that was already burned into their brains, that for a few moments they didn't kiss. They didn't touch. They didn't speak. They just stood there, Sirius shirtless with a bulge straining at his groin and Remus with his shirt hanging off his slim shoulders and rock hard erection jutting out.

Remus broke the trance first, shrugging the fabric off his torso, turning and bending over. He rested his hands on the rough, cracked surface of the ledge.

He didn't have to wait for long before Sirius attacked his pants with as much enthusiasm as he did his cloak and shirt. They were yanked down his arse to his ankles and then off, his shoes and socks going with them. Remus looked down at the street below and its occupants as feather light touches dusted all over the sensitive flesh, blunt nails teasing along the edge of his opening.

"Sirius…." He moaned.

The touches disappeared for a moment as Sirius rid himself of the remainder of his clothing only to return as a loud, dominating smack. Remus released a gorgeous whimper and arched his back.

"Please…."

"Please what?"

"Please. Another."

He was instantly rewarded with another. His buttock immediately turned an angry red that matched the flush that filled his cheeks.

Sirius kissed the inflamed skin before running his tongue from the perineum to the cleft of his arse, shuddering with pleasure at the way Remus continued to moan and writhe. He desperately wished to continue his tortuous ministrations on the poor man but his own cock was begging for attention.

"Are you ready?"

Remus turned to look at his with dazed eyes and nodded eagerly. Sirius smiled at his enthusiasm and stood behind him. He lubed himself quickly as worked an extra glob of the clear solution into his dear partner to ensure his readiness.

"I love you, Remus." He declared proudly as the tip touched the entrance.

"And I love you, Sirius."

He pushed in; stunned by the lack of resistance he met. It was warm and cozy as always, but it seemed that Remus' body had finally fully accepted the intrusion, accepted him as a part of his body.

Remus howled as he was taken yet again. His beautiful fingers clutched at the ledge and his back arched. The sunlight highlighted every one of his scars but Sirius didn't look away from them. He traced his fingers over the raised flesh by memory, having already mapped out every inch of him, as his eyes watched the city around him. Though his house was dark and forbidding, the rest of the neighborhood was quite cheerful. Women from the other homes gossiped, children could be heard laughing as they played in someone's backyard, and two men were clanking tools loudly as they attempted to fix an old, broken car. Sirius took it all in, soaking it in like a sponge. The air swirled and swished around him, raising his hairs.

Remus was panting and whispering laments of love and sex, using wonderfully sweet and obscene words. His left hand still clasped the hard ledge as he was pushed over and over into it and his right hand moved back to seize Sirius' hip.

"Louder." Sirius ordered. "They can't hear you."

Remus obeyed. "Yes! Yes! Oh, Sirius. So good! Can't- oh!- DON'T STOP!"

_Oh, yes._

Sirius let his head fall back and his eyes drift close. He relied solely on the sensations and sounds. The sounds of life around them and the pants, curses, screams, and begging from his love. The sensation of scarred skin beneath his fingers, the cool, crisp wind that engulfed him, a grasping, desperate hand on his thigh, and a tight, warm, soft squeeze that sent waves of ecstasy through him with each sharp, deep thrust.

It was so much like the first time that it was insane. Once again, the love was heavy, almost suffocatingly thick around them. Sirius remembered the way Remus rode him, forcing every single inch of the hard cock into his newly deflowered hole.

Mind made up instantly, Sirius grasped the base of his arousal and pulled out with a wet pop. Remus whimpered at the loss and looked back for an explanation.

The raven-haired man took a few steps back and hooked his finger towards him.

"Crawl to me."

It was almost laughable how quickly Remus was on his hands and knees, _crawling_ shamelessly to him, tongue peeking out to moisten his soft, thin lips.

"Like this, daddy?"

"Yeah. Shit. Yeah, just like that."

Sirius smiled devilishly at him as he resumed the position he was when Remus found him, flat on his back. The wolf reached him and wasted no time as he buried his nose in the coarse pubic hairs at the base of Sirius' length, taking in the combination of fabric softener and musk that was distinctively Sirius.

He moved down south to the scrotum, which he sucked into his mouth tenderly, worshipping it. Now, it was Sirius' turn to writhe and moan. He buried his hands in Remus' hair and yanked, not to stop him but to assert his dominance.

Remus didn't seem to understand this as he went even further down until finally he was able to trace his tongue around that place. That place that tempted him daily but was so often denied to him.

"Ugh! Re….fuck!"

Sirius now understood why Remus was reduced to such a mess when this act was performed on him. His nerves actually seemed to spring alive as the long, moist appendage moved in circles around his entrance. He raised his legs and put them over Remus' shoulders to give him more access. This was just unbelievable.

Then he felt it. A long finger pressing apprehensively against him. He raised his head to peer into the passion filled amber eyes.

"Remus…."

"Please, Sirius. It won't take me long. I just want to feel it again. How tight and warm you are. How you clench so perfectly around me. And then I want you back in me. I want us both to finish inside each other. Please, Sirius. Please, daddy."

He begged so beautifully.

Sirius nodded.

Remus' face split into a gorgeous grin and he quickly sucked on two of his fingers to coat them. In the months that had passed since this last happened, Sirius had forgotten how long and talented Remus' fingers were when he was completely focused. They searched and prodded within him, stretching him in both painful and pleasurable ways. Sirius let his head fall back onto the hard floor and looked blissfully into the sky. The sun was bright but not too intense that it hurt to gaze at.

Would he ever be free to walk in it's light beyond his roof? Would he ever be able to put his arm around Remus' waist and parade him around to the world like he wanted to? Would he ever have the freedom he craved?

At that moment, Remus, whose tongue was still tracing the outer edge of his sphincter, pressed his middle finger against the small bundle of nerves and a bright light engulfed him.

"No more waiting! Remus, go!"

He heard the wolf mutter a spell and shuddered as his hole was hastily lubed. Remus positioned himself and released a deep breath before snapping his hips forward in the way he knew Sirius would want him to.

The animagus gasped and shot up so he could wrap him arms around the thin shoulders, clutching him to his chest.

"Are you okay?"

"Fuck….it….it hurts."

"I know, daddy. It will pass. Just bear with me."

Sirius knew that it would. Not only had he subjected Remus to this but he was the victim of it once before. Remus was patient, as always. He waiting until the lines on Sirius' face softened before he started moving, agonizingly slow.

Always considerate, Remus used his wand once more to add more lube. "Better?"

"Much. Move, baby."

It was a wonderful feeling. Full to the point of bursting and then empty only to be filled once more. He loved Remus' moans, much deeper, more masculine, but still with that submissive undertone that only Sirius was tuned to. His movements were smooth and fluid- he was always so graceful- as he moved in an out in perfect rhythm.

Sirius released the tight hold he had around Remus' neck and laid down. Each thrust had enough force to move him across the floor until Remus had to seize his thighs and pull him back to him with a fierce growl.

True to his word, within minutes Remus was beginning to lose his perfect pace. His thrusts became erratic and quick and his breath was harsh. Sirius closed his eyes tightly at the shots of pain that the rough pace sent through him until finally Remus roared and erupted, warm seed shooting deep into Sirius' belly, riding his orgasm out until he didn't have a drop left.

He took a moment to catch his breath before he was readjusting the man below him. He arranged him so he was spread eagle, rock hard cock standing at full attention as he stared hungrily at it.

Sirius watched him for a moment before breaking the silence with one simple order.

"Get on it."

"Yes, sir."

Remus climbed atop him and in a fluid motion, he impaled himself. The hard tip stabbed into the softness like a hot knife through butter.

"Yes," Sirius moaned. He knew he didn't have much in him. He actually had to refrain from touching himself while Remus fucked him to prevent from coming but now he didn't stand a chance. His body was limp and motionless as Remus rolled his hips sinfully atop him. Their whimpers were pathetic and perfect. Needy and satisfied. Full of pain and pleasure.

Sirius knew Remus was hurting. His body was frail and he had already finished so there was no way he found any good in this but he couldn't help but admire the way that he still bounced up and down, moved back and forth, clenched and unclenched.

"Oh, shit."

Like a volcano, Sirius came. It shot out of his cock like lava that didn't seem to have an end. Just spurt after spurt. Remus felt the wet warmth and leaned over to engulf him in a kiss as it finally ended.

It took ages for them to catch their breath, to find the strength to even open their eyes. Remus let Sirius' now flaccid cock fall out of him as he lay on top the strong, full chest. Neither moved. Neither spoke.

There were so many contrasts in the world. Love and hate. Young and old. Hot and cold. Good and evil.

And as Sirius finally found the strength to pick his lover up and carry him to their bedroom, he knew another one. They lay, nude and sweaty, in the bed facing each other, noses touching.

Free and imprisoned.

At this moment, wrapped in the protective comfort of his lovers arm in the confines of Grimmauld Place, he was both.

_I am so sorry that took so long to post. I wanted it to be good so I really took my time. If there are any errors, I will correct them as I find them. Thank you for being so patient with me, ya'll are wonderful. I will probably only post one or two more chapters but I will be writing other stories so stick with me :) (maybe even another Remus/Sirius) please review so I can know what ya'll think :)_


	23. Chapter 23

Anchor. Chapter 23

Time was the enemy.

It made people old. Turned wounds into nasty, scary scars. And ended the most angelic moments.

At this moment, both men were willing to fight time to the end. They kissed and touched and felt the warmth of the other breach the barriers of their flesh.

The couch was no place for such intimacy but the bedroom was simply too far away. Sirius cradled Remus to his body and kissed his neck, nuzzling into the satiny skin. Goosebumps rose as his breath grazed over the delicate and exposed muscles.

With each touch, the nerves ignited, telling not only their brains of the stimuli, but their souls. Sirius closed his lips over a patch of skin, letting Remus lean his head back and squirm even closer to his lover.

Sirius had a powerful mouth, sucking a bruise into the paleness that stood out like a beacon.

"Sirius," Remus breathed, ghosting his fingertips down his lovers skin so lightly it was like it wasn't there but it made Sirius shiver all the same.

They kissed again, feeling the lightening flash between them as their darkened lips made contact over and over and over. Neither knew how long they had been glued to that one spot, gorging themselves on the tenderness of the moment.

Sirius maneuvered them so that Remus was in his lap. It was times like this that the world didn't seem dark. The few times that they could pretend they were still young and untainted. Here, alone, breathing in the mixture of love and sentiment that would suffocate anyone else.

"You will be leaving this afternoon, right?"

"Yes, but I will be back tonight. Just a quick visit to the ministry is all."

Sirius nodded absently, smiling. Maybe he could cook Remus something he liked for dinner. Roast beef or maybe even a casserole. Maybe even with candles and the finest wine he had in the cellar served in the crystal glasses that would make his mother roll over in her grave if she knew her estranged son and his werewolf lover put their sinning lips on them. His smile grew larger at the thought of it.

Remus noticed his amusement and planted a soft kiss on his mouth.

"Knut for your thoughts?"

"It's nothing, baby. I'm just worlds away."

"Not while I'm in your lap, you're not!" Remus attacked Sirius' neck with wet, sloppy kisses and danced his fingers along his flank, making him burst into laughter. He felt small nips at the sensitive flesh and knew he was going to have a mark.

"Stop, stop, stop," Sirius wheezed in between his giggles. He wrestled Remus off his lap and raised himself to his feet.

"Beer?"

"Please."

Sirius retrieved two beers from the cupboard and charmed them to be cold before returning to the living room. Remus was tending to the top buttons of his shirt and his zipper of his worn trousers, both of which had been opened by Sirius' sneaky, skilled fingers. He thanked him as he was given his beer.

"What are you going to do while I'm gone?"

"Check up on Buckbeak for the most part. He has been limping lately. Maybe his joints are stiffening up due to his confinement. At least I have a house to roam."

Remus popped the top on the beer and took a long draft. Sirius found himself staring momentarily at the way his Adam's apple bobbed.

"Maybe we can ask Dumbledore if he can get a few minutes out. It's much harder to identify a Hippogriff."

They sat in silence as they drank their beers. Combined with the champagne mimosas they had had along with breakfast, Sirius was feeling light all around his body. Remus never really minded if he drank when they were together so he was sure to take advantage of that as much as possible. Sure, he wasn't exactly sober when he was alone but he had kept the wolf in the dark about his secret supply by limiting himself. No need for Remus to come home and find him passed out drunk, reeking of firewhisky.

Once the bottles were empty, Remus leaned over and sat them both on the floor before the couch. The light from the fire danced across the mischievous amber eyes.

"You need to leave soon."

It wasn't so much of a statement as it was a question. Sirius knew the look in Remus' eyes well but wandered if they could afford a quick romp.

"Got about ten minutes. Think you can pull that off for me?"

"Why, Mr. Moony, I do believe I can."

With that, Sirius pushed Remus off the couch onto the floor, knocking the bottles over. The sound of them rolling and clinking against the wall and Remus' yelp of surprise as he was winded was lost as Sirius gave him no time to recover. He threw himself down onto his victim and engulfed his mouth.

Always weak for each other, they were hard within moments, the swelling masses pulling against their pants.

"I should have never zipped it back up, hm?" Remus gasped when a large hand cupped him through the fabric.

"If it were up to me, you'd take your clothes off at the front door every time you stepped in." Sirius pulled back and grinned sinfully. "And of course leave them there until it's time to go again."

Remus laughed and hooked his arm around Sirius' neck, pulling him down for another bruising kiss. Clothes were removed within minutes and he found himself groaning as Sirius ground him down into the dark shag carpet that was laid before the fireplace.

Sirius moved his hips into circles, feeling their erections slip and slide against each other, pre-cum lubricating them. He rested his forearms on the carpet on either side of Remus' head and buried his face in the softness of the greying brown hair. His right side was overly warm from the fire just a few feet away but something about the way the light illuminated Remus was more than worth it. His pale skin seemed to glow a light gold, his scars seemed to soften, his grey hairs looked more like expensive silver than Sirius had ever seen it, and his eyes all but glittered like a priceless gem.

Damn.

Sirius couldn't wait any longer. He pulled his hips up enough to snake a hand down to position himself, rubbing the tip around the hungry entrance for lubrication. He wanted to thrust in hard and fast but he would need his wand to make sure Remus was wet enough before he did that but at that moment, nothing could make him move from his place, _his place_, on top of Remus.

Just before he began to push in, long slender fingers he had become so accustomed to over the past few months cupped his cheeks gingerly, guiding him down into a tender kiss. He almost came at that moment.

Only God knows how he held out long enough to slide home, deep into the warmth and tightness. Remus gasped at the sting, pulling himself up to wrap his arms around the broad shoulders and press himself fully to the muscular planes.

The small pants and moans were so low that they were were almost unheard, so different from the usual screams and groans they released, but it was perfect. They moved in tandem, hips rolling with each other, hands sliding in almost identical movement.

Remus was whispering, lips moving quickly as streams of words escaped him. "Yes, yes, yes…..Sirius, darling…..oh….oh….oh…I love you. God, I love you so much. So good…..you're so perfect. So sweet."

Sirius kissed him again, missing the muttered sweet nothings but loving the way their tongues seem to be perfectly in sync. He remembered feeling their heartbeats do the same back when this was all new and foreign and exciting and a little fighting. He placed a damp hand on the equally sweaty skin above Remus' heart as he touched himself in the same place. Nothing could hold back the smile as he felt two beats in the same pattern.

Remus hadn't touched himself the whole time but his rock hard cock still bobbed against his belly. Sirius flattened their bodies to each other again and allowed the friction to stimulate the achingly hard organ. All it took was three more thrusts for Remus to seize up underneath him, a warm dampness spreading between their joint bellies. Sirius convulsed as he felt the familiar clench, flashes of white blinding him.

Remus held him arms open as the animagus collapsed onto him, welcoming and inviting as ever.

Neither had any will to move as they caught their breaths. Finally, Remus chuckled, toying with the raven black locks. "You bastard, it was supposed to be quick. Now, I will be late."

Sirius smiled back, "I'll make it up to you tonight. Hope you're ready to be walking funny at the meeting tomorrow."

"With your enthusiasm, I'll be lucky to be able to sit down. Hope no one will question if I choose to stand by the table instead."

Sirius reluctantly rolled off so Remus could stand, following him up so he could help him dress and clean his stomach of the sticky mess. It was days like this that made it all bearable. Sure, he hated watching Remus leave, but he couldn't help but be grateful for the lingering kiss and the bright smile he received as he watched Remus make his way down the front steps. Never breaking eye contact until he apparated away.

A stomping noise drew him from his thoughts and he remembered the Hippogriff upstairs. He hurriedly dressed fully before entering his mother's old bedroom where Buckbeak was laying, a soft whine leaking from his lips.

"Oh, what's wrong, old boy?" Sirius cooed as he dropped to his knees. The poor beast nudged him with his beak imploringly. Sirius nodded and began to search the feathers for any sign of injury. He mentally planned together the evening he would prepare for the werewolf. A warm bath immediately upon return with some bath salts should due good for the joints that probably still ached from his transformations last week, then a full body massage complete with some oils he had found in the guest room Arthur and Molly usually stayed in during their visits (he shuddered whenever he thought too hard about why they were stored so close to the bed), then a candle light dinner held on the roof where they could look over the lights of London and enjoy the most expensive wine and most aged whisky the Black family owned, and then return to the bedroom where Sirius could engage in his favorite activity, of course, the finale- fucking Remus stupid.

Suddenly, he felt something wet. His hand had drifted from the feathers to the soft fur of Buckbeaks hindquarters. He looked at his fingers. Blood.

"What the fuck…" Sirius moved closer, muttering apologies as the beast whined at the searching hands. There was a deep gash across his left leg. There was no possible way he could have injured himself here, Sirius had made sure to remove all dangerous items and even put an unbreakable charm on the window to prevent the desperate Hippogriff from kicking it out.

Deciding he would search for the cause later, he extracted his wand so he could tend to the wound. It wasn't took deep but it was long and Buckbeak had obviously been aggravating it. It didn't take long to heal but it was still sore, keeping the Hippogriff on the floor. Sirius returned to his position by the eagle head.

"Easy there, boy. How did you manage to do this to yourself?"

The Hipogriff merely laid his feathered head on Sirius' lap, closing his eyes. Sirius sighed and stroked him behind the ear. And then he saw something odd.

A drop of blood in the middle of the room, and then another, and another. A trail leading to the door. Sirius sat Buckbeaks head down on the floor and opened the door, revealing a drop right in the middle of the threshold. It was completely impossible that Buckbeak had managed to get blood here.

Kreacher rounded the hall, spotting his master and yelling something strange about Harry. Everything else was a blur. Within an hour he was rushing into the Ministry of Magic's most secretive corridor, Remus appearing at his side accompanied by Kingsley and Tonks, Moody hobbling in as fast as his elderly legs would allow behind them. All he could afford Remus before they burst into the room where his godson and other innocent children were in danger was a quick, fleeting look. He promised himself that he would make eye contact with him again throughout the battle to ensure his safety.

However, the next time he got a chance to see him was when a red flash of light to his chest forced the world to slow down. His eyes landed on Harry at first; grateful that boy was mostly unharmed, though the look of horror on the bespectacled face confused him. Then, his eyes found Remus. The werewolf was totally uninjured, causing a feeling of relief to flood Sirius, Remus was always such a good duelist. But he was screaming. Remus was attempting to push past the two Death Eaters he had been engaged with, sheer terror inked onto his face, eyes locked on Sirius. The Death Eaters were so confused by his actions that they weren't using their wands, instead attempting to manhandle him to the ground the Muggle way. Sirius' relief was replaced with anger at the way they slammed him to the ground. He made a move to step off the diadem and help him but he was unable to control his body. He felt himself arcing back. What the hell did Bellatrix do to him? What kind of curse was that? Somehow Remus slithered past them, breaking into a full sprint towards Sirius. But he was too far away.

Sirius saw his name leave Remus' mouth but he couldn't hear it. He tried to raise his arm, reaching out to his beloved.

And then everything was gone.

_I would rather live and love where death is king than have an eternal life where love is not._

_Alas, that is the end. I am sooooooo sorry it took so long to upload the end. Life got in the way. I appreciate all my readers and reviewers. I will be uploading more stories as soon as a new plot pops into my head. Remus and Sirius are my all time favorite of all ships so expect another story about them soon. Please check out my other stories :) aren't everyones favorite werewolf and animagus just the cutest things ever?_


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